Self Soothing and Winning!

 So I woke up this morning after a rocky night of sleep. I just kept ruminating about the day's events. And now I can hardly remember. What a difference a day makes. 

I remember thinking I have to self soothe. My college friend I recently reconnected with has not wanted to engage at the level and frequency I hoped for. 

My Work Colleague has her ex back in the picture... and you know how girls get when boys are around.

My cousin who once said life wasn't the same without me... doesn't really return my calls.

My other aunt... will pick up but not always right when I need her.

I've been trying to get into self-soothing the next 3 months. I have these really needy spells where I just want to spill my guts. 

I just need to make this the Summer of Me and Self Care. Kind of getting ready for life post-COVID, but still dedicating this year as a Covid year in terms of spending. Speaking of, I finally got around to investing my stimulus check. I thought I was going to get some furniture to help enjoy the summer, but alas I lost interest. 

I do really want to get a new office chair and desk (and maybe a blender for the summer) but I don't want to get something that won't meet my needs. 

I worked from bed today because my buns and shoulder couldn't take another day at my desk. I also wanted some recompense from the 7 extra hours I worked yesterday. I feel mostly satisfied with the level of effort I put in today.

What I'm most proud of is not getting in a fight with anybody. Aaaaand - I went into the Role and Responsibilities meeting expecting nothing more than a conversation. And that is exactly what I got. Today is my 1 year anniversary, and I finally learned something about how this team operates. Before the meeting, I fixed a lunch so I could go into the meeting with my mouthful to prevent myself from talking. That worked swimmingly!

I made a note to myself to be quiet and be kind. That worked as well. I let the long silences be. If I'm anything, I'm goal/task oriented. 

So nothing came out of the Role and Responsibilities meeting - just things we've already talked about ad nauseum, no action items, and no actual assigning of duties. Fine, by me. I'd also like to point out it's things I'd tried to solve with My Buddy and she flatly refused but somehow in the meeting she was all for it. 

I'm so proud of myself for not calling this out!! I ate my fish sandwich and french fries and minded my business. 

I think they think I'm going to create some sort of video refresher for the vendor. And I considered it, but I was like that was Year 1 me - dumb. I already created a resource and the full time trainers the vendor charges us heftily for has as many fingers and toes as I have. Unless my boss specifically orders me to do it, I'm going to just send an email to the vendor to do it. 

I vehemently oppose her approach of taking work away from others who don't do it. 

Remember the dinsoaur - they're actually considering her for a promotion. If that's not solid evidence to stop what I'm doing (i.e. churning/ overachieving) then I don't know what is. 

Oh and what I feared was true - I'm the only one who did the manager's feedback earlier this year. She brought it up. Wow. I thought I was being gently encouraged to do the feedback. Got that wrong. 

I did manage to casually mention how I miss the days of working 7 hour days at Call Center #1. She flippantly said, oh sorry. I mean it wasn't a dig at her, just an observation. I'm sure that will come back in conversation - just hope it doesn't bite me. Note to self - just fly under the radar. 

These days My Buddy is actually doing some noticeable work. I think it's because the roles and responsibilities conversation is coming up. That's my guess. She's smart, I'll give her that. Just do it when the boss is looking.