This medication is not working

 There was crying yesterday and a few sprinkles this morning. Oy. It's hard to fight through this when I could just be medicated.

I see now why people eat a bacon with a side of statin. That's why I love being American. Don't lose weight, just buy bigger clothes. Get a motorized scooter.

Who cares, in the end. 

I am feeling naturally overwhelmed and anxious because I have work due today and tomorrow and the rest of this week.

I wonder, now, if this desire for FIRE is just an outlet for my anxiety. As soon as work is due, I just start counting down the days. I got out of the last 2 positions that were causing me anxiety, but it's creeping back up in this role. 

If God was really looking out for me, then maybe this is the best role out of the 3 for my last job. Although, Call Center #2 wasn't too bad in terms of down time. 

I wonder how I would look at work differently if my anxiety were better managed. 

I wonder how I would experience life differently if my anxiety were better managed.

And what do I do knowing it might not get there? 

I might be glorifying those really good days on the meds, but they were really good days. 

Even now, I was looking at pics from Cabo from my colleague and started to get worried about the heat. What if it's too hot and I can't enjoy myself. 

In other news, I made the right call on not doing anything too suss on my expense report. My line manager is out on vacation and the report got tossed to his manager and she is looking at it quite closely. Grr.