My job is beach

 For whatever reason, late last night, I just decided to accept my life and reframe it. I've been looking for some good marketing to help me see my life differently and couldn't really find it.

Yes, I want the best possible outcome. But I have 40 years of data now. It's not happening. I have a great life. I get to do what I want everyday. In 3 years, there's a very high probability I'll be able to retire a millionaire. Sometimes it's overwhelming thinking of how to fill my time for the next 40 years, but then that feeling goes away and it's replaced by a new feeling. 

Sometimes, I'm going to make terrible choices. But I'm alive and I don't break the law. That's the basics. Having fun is and taking it easy are high on my priority list. 

There are 3 trips I've been unsure about. 2 are structured camping-ish trips. 1 is a trip with a family.

The first camping trip is in September and I was unsure about driving a few hours down the road and if I would really enjoy it. It's been awhile since I enjoyed being around large groups of people. Then I read some reviews and I think it might at the very least be...okay. I have to remind myself I'm free to go at anytime since I'll be driving. 

I just have to let go of all my rules sometimes, it's crippling. The discomfort is going to sneak in as long as humans roam the earth. 

So for now, I'm going to the September retreat. I vacillate between actively trying to make friends and passively being open to it. And so that'll have to be okay. I'm just a girl!

For the second trip, I think I'll go to that one as well. I want to be in the woods, and I'm not sure how to do it. 

Then yesterday, the algorithm led me to 'we're solo living.' It gave me some good verbiage to help describe my situation. One that stuck out was - I'm probably single because I enjoy being single. I knew this at 17 thinking I was the one born in the wrong time period or that I was wrong. And because people treat me like there's something wrong with me. And thus I needed to fix that something. At times, I feel like I need to live this extraordinary life to make up for being single. But how ludicrous is that. I'm not deficient. It's just a different lifestyle choice. 

I can live an ordinary single life. And now that I'm pre-retired, I spend a lot of time in the supine position. Mostly with my eyes closed. Just falling in and out of sleep. Not super great or super terrible. Just is. 

People stopped keeping score of my life long, long ago. And so those compartment windows are creaking shut. I have one more interaction this week with someone from my old life and that relationship will slowly fade into the ether. Sigh. And I'm not bothered. And there's an interview they're doing for me, which I was unsure about, but I'm happy to outsource that anxiety and result. So that works out well. 

I'm kind of ready for this next mile marker. One more week and I'm on the road again! 

P.S. - I love a cool breezy morning!