A little sprinkle

 Yeah, still grieving the misplaced hope in Last Boy. Admittedly, there are fleeting thoughts of just ending it. Gosh, I wish I had let the year pass by so I'd be over it. But would I be?

I uncovered all the stones.

I really hope this medication kicks in soon. I was very tempted to just burn my stomach off and get back on Zoloft again. Just for some relief. 

What I did today that's an accomplishment:

- Put in a full day's work on 2 documents

- Responded to Bruno

- Kept in touch with my Reg Lead

- Looked at photos and got excited about Cabo (it will be too hot, but I will also enjoy myself; I'm going darn it! It'll be my reward for getting through all of this.)

Looks like I'll be busy every Sunday in August. That's okay. Because I will really enjoy Labor Day.

I'm excited to sign up for dance class and stuff. 

Now that my document is all but done. I'm really thinking of trying to fly standby tomorrow if possible. I didn't want to be in the air while my document was going through a workflow, but I'm feeling frisky. 

And the Reg Lead already gave it her blessing, so I feel good about that.

I'm glad I worked on it at all. That feels amazing! 

I was able to update my reservation in the Rental App. And I decided not to drive to the 3rd Pit Stop on Sunday. It just felt like too much because I will just be coming back from Newtown on Saturday. Which means I'd pretty much need to be ready to go today. This building is nice and the next unit has a balcony. And I think there's a park nearby.

Which did make me wonder... do I choose a balcony over in-unit washer and dryer? Yikes! The price was just better. Hopefully there's outdoor space nearby. Oh well.

Since I know now that I'm not more powerful than my anxiety and it is best managed with medication, I feel both powerless but also like...oh well, I don't have to try so hard to manage it. This is bigger than me. 

But boy it sucks... all the negative feelings on replay:

- Last Boy

- The job I didn't get

- Life in general...

So yeah, I'm feeling more motivated to make it to this party tomorrow night. We'll see how I feel when I wake up. I'm all packed, so that's good.

Also, great solution in actually making sure the sliding door is latched. My gosh! This train is loud. I feel like it's running through my heart and throat. That's how grating the noise is. Thank goodness for whoever invented double plan windows and doors!

Also, I'm so glad I've been putting up with hoisting my rolling car in and out. It's made the move-in much smoother.

But yes friends, I've made another countdown. It's financial for now, but I know the backdrop is end-of-life. I wish the news were different.