Some observations

 I love a good lie-in!

I know for the most part that's kind of what I do all day. But today it feels especially luxurious. I've been looking forward to it since yesterday. And it feels as glorious as I imagined.

And I'm taking a bit of a drug holiday. I know I can't stop taking the sertraline cold-turkey, but I'm waiting until the very last minute today. I'm taking that plus the pepcid plus the prilosec and will just deal with the conseqences later.

My throat hurts and my stomach feels weird. I just need a break from all the foreign substances!

But I am feeling hopeful. For a long time I was afraid of early retirement because I was having so much trouble filling up my day. And the vastness of it was overwhelming. It probably contributed to a lot of my death plans. It just felt like a problem I needed to solve. Maybe this is is some weird form of anxiety. I don't know.

But a week like this week makes me feel...makes early retirement feel less daunting. I did less than 8 hours of focused work, but I did 3 social outings + 3 doctor's appointments/physical exertion appointment. And I was tired and looking forward to a rest day. And I had a full rest day on Thursday. But it still felt like a full week.

Gosh my therapist was right just being out of the trauma and getting rid of the house. Like it's just freed up so much mental space. The human body continues to amaze me. There are some things you just can't know until you're in it. Until the burden is lifted or the experience is happening. Wow. That's tough to plan for right. It feels like by now some of these things should be knowable as a human race. So that was very enlightening.

The current blog I'm binge reading is documenting her story after the birth of her child. She is loving it. I've been trying to look to the circle of life and just nature's way to give me some information on what's next for me. But this idea of re-birth, typically in the form of child rearing, has some clues. While I won't be bringing a child in the world, I think some aspects of that are what the next stage of life is designed for. Just seeing things with new eyes. (The blogger was talking about how she wants to show her baby everything...point everything out to him..and teach him things...and how it's causing her to notice more things.) So I think that's a good starting point for me. Just trying to see life with new perspective. Trying to pick out things intentionally for myself that I would enjoy. Right now, I'm framing it as parenting myself. But like with a little more knowledge and wisdom. I think a little bit about Dr. Pat's advice that feminine energy loves herself first and then shares that love.

I think the biggest difference I've noticed with the medication is less worry and anxiety. I still have those stirring feelings. But either they don't last as long or I just forget about them. Or they just don't seem like I need to solve them. Or I just solve them and move on. I don't think about them too much. So I don't necessary feel happier, I just feel less worried. And so that makes me want to do more things or I feel less barriers to do things. It's just occupying less of my mental space, I guess.

Also, I really enjoyed showering before bed. It just felt clean and appropriate for bedtime. I realize though I prefer more texture to my sheets. I'm currently sleeping on a towel, and I use a fleece robe as a cover. 

What else.... money stuff. I'm still in the slow process of moving money for two transactions. Still trying to send money overseas. And still trying to buy a brokered CD with my house sale proceeds. I'm guessing by end of July, these things will be done.

There's not much else I did with my money after my Q2 check-in. I think things will probably be in flux until the end of this year. And I really don't even know what the year after that will look like.