I awoke around 6:30am this morning as opposed to the usual 7:30a it's been the last few days. I just feel my heart racing and my thoughts unsettled. Why? What is on my mind?
- Is Wespath ever going to deposit the money. I check my email every morning half-hoping for a direct deposit notice?
- Ugh, I purposed to go 3 days without sending personal messages, emails, texts or G-chat messages. I did this to settle my mind. Then I got a Skype call yesterday, and was so desperate for human interaction, I took it after just a moment's hesitation. I don't regret it, but I wish I had stuck to my goal. Now of course, the mental replay of the conversation has been added to my unending thoughts.
- Where is my stimulus check?
- Where is my Chase card?
- I want some bacon and fresh baked rolls this morning but I purposed to go 5 days without financial transactions, that includes spending! Do I just enjoy my life and forget about this goal?
- What if my Big Pharma background check comes back negative? When will I know? Will I get a chance to correct it? Why didn't I just fill it out correctly, more carefully? I really wish I would get the results today, so I can move closer to being excited for this opportunity!
- I haven't told anybody about the new job. Not even my professional colleague who initially referred me. Why is that?
- I think I'm waiting for things like the background check; more Coronavirus updates; maybe after I turn in my resignation letter to my current job; maybe after I start; maybe 3 months to 1 year after I start??
- Should I start packing now for my Big Pharma life? I want to plan out outfits so that it's one less thing to do when I have to start?
- What exactly am I supposed to be doing right now?
- What's my plan if I'm not good at my new job?
- What if I get fired at my current job? (This thought doesn't even make that much sense.)
- What happens next? What am I supposed to be doing?
- Why does it bug me so much that one of my peers is such an over talker? Why can't I just let her live? Lots of people are talkative, and I'm a lot more forgiving!
- Has the doctor's office received my payment? Are they ever going to send me my bill? If I don't respond to that lawyer, is he going to take me to court or will I fall off his to-do list?
- Is today my old college roommate's birthday? Why can't I remember?
- Will I ever just be able to stretch and/or meditate or should I just wait for retirement?
Some of my routines are working. And some I've broken....
I've been avoiding cooking with spice - including black pepper. And it's been at least a week or two since I've had recurring throat burn. I did eat around 10pm a couple nights ago, so that led to some nighttime coughing, but my throat wasn't burning and it didn't last into the next day.
I set an Outlook reminder to "Brush and floss anyway" for 7:45pm everyday. I have so many excuses, and so far after Day 1, it's worked.
Broken my rule the last week or so about internet and TV in the bedroom. I couldn't get into the audiobooks I downloaded, and I slid into my old habit of falling asleep to TV (on the iPad) to distract my racing thoughts. I've been anxiously checking email on the iPad every morning. I don't know why.
Other news
Something good that happened yesterday, after some haranguing and getting frustrated going in circles, I got confirmation that work is paying out the WFH stipend on this Friday's paycheck. I'm curious to know if I'm the only one getting it - so my haranguing worked- or if everyone is getting it, i.e. it was going to happen anyway so no haranguing was necessary.
It's rumored to be around $900 to $1k. My colleague put this into perspective that this is very generous. When did I become this ungrateful, entitled monster that I lost sight of that. At Call Center #1, we had to pay for our own equipment and received no such stipend.
I know this is pretty boring for readers, but it really does help just to dump out my thoughts somewhere.
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