Do Not Send Emotionally Charged Emails On Sundays, MERJ!

When will I listen to my own rules. This is when going through steps to retrain an anxious mind would have helped, namely: Examine all the facts!

My brother asked me to make Rice Krispie treats. He lives in Maryland. I have a friend in Maryland who "owes" me some birthday brownies. I asked Friend to make the Rice Krispie treats. I asked Brother on Friday if he could pick them up Sunday. When he didn't respond, at 7a this morning I cancelled it. Then I looked at my timeline of events, i.e. examining all the facts.

11pm Friday - I asked [via Google Hangouts] if Brother could pick up Rice Krispie treats in Exampletown, MD.

12:30am Saturday - He confirms yes [via Google Hangouts].

12:05pm Saturday - I asked [via email] if he could pick up Rice Krispie treats in Exampletown, MD.
[I was not home on my laptop so I couldn't see the Hangouts response.]

3:27pm Saturday - He confirms yes to Exampletown, MD [via email].

9p Saturday- I give him the exact time and exact address of Friend's House to pick up Rice Krispie treats. [sent via text, email, and Hangouts]

I check my email periodically for a few hours later and ultimately head to bed around 1a.

By 7a Sunday, there's still no response. So my brain immediately recalls all his past unflakiness. I'm annoyed that I now have to be checking email all day Sunday to make sure he shows up at Friend's House. My thoughts fast-forward to the future conversation I'll have to have with Friend when he doesn't show up. I work myself into a tizzy.

I'm vacillating between calling the whole thing off.  And then I do - via text, email, and Google Hangouts. To both my Friend and Brother. And then no less than 5 minutes later, I realize my message was sent quite late last night, and this is an acceptable time for someone not to be actively checking their messages. So, I say it's back on again - via text, email, and Google Hangouts. To both my Friend and Brother. 

Not taking a beat and having to consider patterns of behavior of both parties just added to the stewpot of madness.  What's it like to just turn off your mind? What's it like to not have what you know about others be weighed into your own decision-making process?

How this could have been prevented? I knew I didn't like having social obligations on the weekends. I only agreed to Sunday to accommodate my working-mom Friend's availability. I know my brother's general history of flakiness. I knew my brother was going to be in his new place this week, so on reflection, there was a chance he'd be moving this weekend. I know people in my life are historically unresponsive on the weekends.

Had I examined all the facts before freaking out, I would have realized, my brother had indeed confirmed twice. I would have considered the weekend factor. I would have considered not that much time had passed between messages, especially given the weekend.

I let my (non-clinical) anxiousness get the best of me. And I know when it's happening, and I still just say whatever... I just want to feel something other than this feeling.  I'm tired of being broken and still making emotionally charged mistakes at 36.  I want to be a whole fully functioning adults. I let someone else's sense of urgency and the fear of having to clean up a potential mess fuel my decision-making. I'm better than this. I've grown beyond this. This is a child's mistake. I can do better.