I give myself permission to quit and leave money on the table

 I spent so much of my FIRE journey trying to optimize my finances - make more, spend less; invest.

I did it to the best of my ability.

I excitedly made my next 2 year plan knowing how nothing at all happened with my last 1 year plan; but i made it anyway.

it's not working out and it's taking me for a loop

I've been holding out for one more payday, one more bonus day; if i quit now, i leave 50k net on the table. that's a lot of money.

but i know from watching other people's returns (thank you internet strangers); that my money will grow...

so yeah when the widget shop continues to take my joy away...i give myself permission to quit - to leave 50k on the table...

because...

because I've come too far to willingly allow these negative feelings to permeate my life when I can do something about it; to feel stuck; to feel trapped; to feel like i have to lay down and take it...

i mean i will someday....

but i've earned my freedom today, in this instance

i'm free

it's been going on since april; and let's be honest, i could've rage quit any of those instances...it's been confusing; i've cried...for 2 days; i've upped my meds...i'm going to be taking freaking prozac!

my mental health is worth more than 50k...i've done so much work to not be sad and to not want to end my life...

it's not worth it...

why do we negotiate with pain...i don't get it...

is this idea of sucking it up outdated...

i remember how swiftly my one doc said why re-start a drug that you know already causes you pain...i wonder that too doc...

it's cuz it's how we are all raised... sometimes there's a little pain...and we don't have a good guage of when is enough or not needed at all..

i'll get to 1m with or without bonus day 2025.......i am confident i will...

so what next...

i'm still going to try to work the plan unless it causes me too much distress waiting...and wondering...

i want to do nothing else for call center 3

right now i am hoping to stay at call center 4 ...until my trip in march...just for the dust to settle, for the calendar year to end...and to get my bearings once again..

i've just made so many money goals and plans for 2024, i've lost track of what i was trying to achieve...

as long as call center 4 is bearable...i will plan to be gone by february...

i'm just not ready in this moment to completely cut ties with my income stream

i have not even come up with my withdrawal strategy or where all that money is coming from...remember all my numbers including my fire year 1 and 2 cash stash is based on 20k...and i just don't have it in me to save up 80k...sorry i don't....