90% of goal and what a difference a day makes!

 I did not sleep well last night thinking about meeting with boss. But i had no reason to worry. It was the normal checklist of things. so, phew, this is tolerable. 

TL;DR- I am so incredibly grateful i had the last 4 years to fail upward. how, can this poor, immigrant, person of color manage to slip under the radar. i thought it only happened to entitled rich white boys. 

but no! I actually got lucky!

The last 4 years allowed me to turbo charge my finances in a way i never dared imagine. I really wish my brain would focus on that instead of how unjust i feel right now.

I am lucky!

i can say it when i have these moments of lucidity.

So what happened...in the meeting with my boss i realized i don't actually want to do this work nor am i very good at it. and i just don't want to get that good at it. it's been 3 years and i just never got into it. i just wanted to work remotely and be an AD.

accomplished!

it's affording me such a good life, but the gravy train is over.

i was assigned potentially 3 tasks that have yet to be confirmed.

i realized i really don't know how to the 3rd one and it was painstaking when i shadowed someone else to do it. and i don't want to do it.

this was a decision i made at that time, so i'm glad i had that data objectively. 

the other 2 i can do because the lift is small.

so i found a little bit of joy in realizing...i don't have to. this feels like the power of F/U money. Before, i think the difference was i think the choice was being taken out of my hands.

it DEFINITELY helps that i reached such a significant milestone to put some wind in my sails and some fortification in my conviction.

I WILL reach my financial goal. And mostly just need to stay employed to manage my daily expenses until I do.

strangely, having just bonus nachos feels precarious even with the huge safety net.

feelings are weird.

so yes, friends, the corporate world and I just never meshed.

we tried really hard.

i'm good enough at being a phone agent. and that's pretty much it. 

it's not a referendum on my entire character just a fact that i'm not great at everything.

work has always been a struggle. kind of soul-sucking.

i'm glad i found a way out.

so basically, here's the new update.

if i only have to do an update for task 1 or 2, i don't mind staying longer.

if i have to do a full write of task 3, i will resign.

it's good i already was planning for leaving.

i need to get some electronics.

i am happy that with this new data, i can move forward in a more empowered way.

my journey stops here, but luckily past me was getting us ready for this. 

so i think of all the people that want to be artists and slackers...i get you. you're my people!

i am different and it's okay. 

so yeah.... for 2025, i'm going to work enough to have enough in cash for core expenses and go from there. currently, i anticipate that to be 5 months in 2025.

another unexpected thought... i feel weird only having 1 job...like it doesn't seem worth it? weird right?