I am officially moved in to my new place (that I'm renting from the bank). I moved in Saturday amidst the COVID madness. And of course it was almost 90 degrees in North Carolina. Ninety Degrees before Easter.
It all just seemed so matter of fact. I scheduled an Uber to take me to the truck rental place. He arrived early, and I arrived at Penske Truck Rental at 6:45a. I waited outside until 7a when they opened. Due to COVID, I stood at the door and shouted out my information. He wiped off the steering wheel and I e-signed the rental agreement.
I'd rented a 12 foot truck but ended up with 16 feet and a ramp. The ramp was more of a hindrance than anything because it was so steep. A few days before I purchased a $54 dolly and used that to haul my stuff from my apartment to the rental truck. At 9a, the TaskRabbit I ordered arrived to help me move my desk, stand-up desk topper, and bed to the truck. He was also able to dismount the TV, so that was nice or I'd have been sans TV for awhile. I originally thought I'd load from 8a to 10a, but didn't end up leaving until 10:45a. I'm not sure why it took that long because the bulk of the stuff was out of my apartment after about 36 to 45 minutes. Yes, I timed it.
Similarly, it took under an hour to unload the truck. My realtor agreed to come by at 2p to unload the bulky things the TaskRabbit had helped me load. I didn't want a stranger knowing where I lived just yet.
Spectrum came around 4p to hook up my internet for a $50 activation fee.
24 hours later, the internet was out.
Now it's Sunday. I'm in the new place, no internet so no TV, and no fridge. I twiddle my thumbs for a little bit; call Spectrum and schedule a technician for the next day; and finally decided to venture out to Redbox and pick up take out.
I ate some okay Chinese take-out and watched 3 movies. By midnight, I checked on the modem and it was back online. I, at least, could go to sleep a little less anxiously.
It's Tuesday, and my fridge was finally delivered (at the door only). Thankfully, the only install required was for me to roll it to the corner and plug it in. I had no idea fridges had wheels! So that was easy! Thank the Lord.
I finished the rest of my online tasks, including flipping through the new home owner's manual and registering for a few product warranties; marked a couple things on my Google calendar related to home maintenance.
Yesterday, it took almost a full 8 hours to sort through and update all my accounts now that I'm in the bank bonus churning business. Boy oh boy, I hope it's worth it! I know I won't be as jazzed to redirect my regular direct deposit for anything more than say... $200 in the future. For the most part, I was able to balance my accounts and move money to the correct places. I left out about $5k to churn with the hopes of getting about $1k in bank bonuses in the next 6 months. That's a pretty good return considering all my net balances on my investments went down.
Now that closing is done and all the shops are closed for any major spending, I (God-willing) should be able to move about $5600 to investments by early next month. One of my institutions is incredibly slow to post incoming transactions. But, that's okay.
Then I should have around $2200 or $2300 that I'm leaving out for big housing expenditures including a washer/dryer (abt $1100) and maybe a couch or two. I'm unsure about furniture. I am leaning towards a comfy couch for the living room but also stumbled across maybe some sort of pullout that I could get instead or in addition to. I have to think more on whether the likeliness of guests or overnight guests is high.
Remember that bank bonus website I got excited about. Well, they posted a link for good credit card bonuses. Chase was offering $200 off $500 in purchases. I applied for 2 of the cards and called today to find out I was denied. I just got disconnected from their reconsideration line after a 20-minute hold. I've spoken to so many customer service people in the last few days I'm about ready to be done. I think if I don't get the Chase cards, I might just call it quits on the discount game. I tried for the Lowe's card to get 10% off appliances and was also not instantly approved; they then required a lot more personal information than I was willing to give. Add to this my general no-credit card policy and the trouble I had with Raise discount gift cards and I might just draw the line in the sand. Never again with a gift card for an appliance.
Overall, I'm settling in nicely. I've only killed a few bugs. The weather is cool again. I have a fridge which means I can buy groceries. Call volume at work has slowed considerably. I'm still employed. Today was payday! I plan to rest and relax and enjoy my April staycation/government implemented shutdown. And the fact that the job interview I thought I nailed didn't get back to me means one less agonizing decision to make or outcome to wade through.
My old life is officially behind me. My death date is in front of me, I just have to figure out how to occupy my time between now and then. :)
I bought a house that costs less than a Tesla then interviewed for an out of state job!
It's true. I signed on Monday amid the COVID pandemic. The closing was quite sterile, literally and figuratively. The attorney representative asked me if I was excited, and I said not yet.
I'm still not there yet. Part of it was the fact that the transaction was purely financial on my part, I haven't told my extended family yet. I've only told a few co-workers from my old job just because I needed to tell somebody.
Other than the possibility of saving on my housing expenses in the coming years, another part of the process I liked was how it was almost entirely electronic. I found the property online. I "purchased" it online. I applied for a loan online. I completed documents online. Other than the signing, I never needed to meet anyone face-to-face, not even a realtor.
As one who practiced social isolation and sheltering in place before they came buzzwords, I was a big fan. For someone who doesn't always feel heard, I could appreciate having time to think through each process and make decisions without feeling pressured or rushed.
Money Matters
So yes, I did a quick Google search of the cost of a Tesla, and a little chart showed up with the base price of a Tesla Model S coming in at $85k. My house cost $77k! Outside of that, I've already spent more than $4100 in transactional costs and more to come, I'm sure.
Still, there are people in the world who are paying more a month on a car than I am on an actual house! Can you imagine?! Shoot, some of those people probably aren't even financing that fancy car.
I learned about escrow and it makes me uneasy. If you're unfamiliar with how escrow works, to protect themselves, the mortgage company or its servicer has you pay a monthly amount that covers a) principal and interest on your loan b) estimated property taxes and c) homeowner's insurance. You make 1 monthly payment each month forever and the escrow company pays those three individual entities. The way it was explained to me is if you don't pay your property taxes the county could foreclose your loan for unpaid taxes and this would be bad for the mortgage company. I was thinking...errr... what about the human living in the building?
I still don't get how this would effect the mortgage company because I would be the one homeless. But the reason the idea of escrow makes me uneasy is what if you have a subpar employee who forgets to send the payment to the tax office? I guess I don't know if I still get a tax bill? Is there a receipt that the taxes owed got paid? That would make me feel better if I could at least have access to the accounting of the taxes. I didn' t think to ask that exact question. There were some tense moments with the attorney representative. I'll just chalk it up to the stress of COVID because otherwise I'll just stay mad.
One of my hopes since I started my financial independence journey was to be better at downloading my monthly statements. It's so tedious and happily uneventful, but I really want to be good about tracking statements related to homeownership expenses. At least until I get more knowledgeable about the process.
The Interview
So I had the interview today. And because I had an internal referral, we were able to cobble together some practice interview questions. Silly me being so on the fence about going through with the interview in the first place pretty much had access to the exact questions. (My biggest obstacle!) But I was like ugh, I can't think of any examples. I hope they don't ask this. Wrong, they did! Luckily I had at least browsed through the questions. Even with my mock interview with my colleague, I wanted to insist she go through those practice questions with me, but I already felt like I was asking too much. And she didn't seem all that interested. Another case of not speaking up for myself. I was a little bit annoyed at myself that I really could have knocked it out of the park, but given all that led to that moment, that just wasn't my reality.
Anyway, I still think I did a good job.
The recruiter asked if I was still open to relocating give the current climate. The short answer is yes, but given my recent closing, I felt the need to include that. My peers thought not, but I asked the internet and found once source that said it was okay, so I did that. Just like a human.
I've been trying to consider contingency plans for if I actually get offered this job, but my won't let my fingers really explore it as anything more than a passing thought. My county is supposed to pass a "stay inside" order tomorrow, so that has taken some of my focus in light of my pending move. I looked at the actual legal document of a neighboring county's stay inside order and it explicitly says that moving services can remain open. So, I think it should be okay.
I think part of the reason I included my current housing situation in my response to the recruiter was a) the possibility of subtly implying they may need to sweeten the deal and b) kind of having them make the decision for me given my situation. I don't want to have to consider an offer and wonder if it would have made a difference if they knew the burden of a freshly-closed house. Or wonder when to disclose it in the future - should I mention it at offer? should I try to negotiate? etc.. Maybe they'll think the job isn't worth the move, and take me out of the equation completely. This way I feel all my cards are on the table and the ball is in their court (probably not what you should do). My hope is just, if they decide to make me an offer, they'll make it their best offer considering all the factors. The recruiter had indicated that she would offer within the range if your asking was a little low, so I'd like to think she'd present a fair offer.
I'm not particularly confident in my negotiating skills, so I don't want to have to rely on them.
Housing Update: We received your wire!
Hello,
Just stopping by to provide a quick update on my house hunt.
The good:
I was succesfully able to complete the wire transfer to the title company on my lunch break on Friday. I was nervouse because they were supposed to give me the instructions on Thursday, but since I've already committed to the process, I didn't say much about their untimeliness. Of course my out of state credit union was not able to help me do the transfer after I completed the necessary paperwork a month ago.
I anticipated this and squirreled away some money in my local bank. Thank, God right. Luckily, my downpayment/cash to close was a little less than $3k so this was not a huge amount of money I needed to have in two places.
COVID-19 note: I was able to complete the wire transfer request through the drive-up teller. Pretty convenient. I wonder if they'll incorporate any new services gained from this outbreak into life after the outbreak.
The troubling:
Because of the outbreak and a pending job interview scheduled for Wednesday (two days after closing), I have a feeling I can't shake that I'm making the wrong decision. Did God really allow an international viral outbreak to stop me from buying this house?
In my How to Overcome Anything post, some of the research I came across suggested you really have a realistic talk with yourself on these sort of doomsday fantasies.
What is the reality? What is the actual worst case scenario?
Outside of something really violent happening - what my coworkers were warning me about, the only thing I'm really thinking is the inconvenience of closing on a home and having to move out of state a week or so later. It would be inconvenient and a little costly.
So here are the actual possible outcomes
- Violence, death/ dismemberment, or other crime
- Get the out-of-state job after moving in
Let's address them.
As far as New House being in a less desirable neighborhood, I'd already made my peace with that months ago. Nothing really new has happened there. If God really saw my ultimate demise happening in this house, is an international pandemic really the way to go. I would think, another buyer could've out timed me; I could have seen something violent in my 2 or 3 trips to the property; the loan could not have been approved for some reason, due to my high student loan balance - although I think the law protects me there; I think the name change I did a few years ago could have been flagged; the property could have flooded; there could have been an inspection issue.
Outcome 2 is getting the out-of-state job. I know 2 people now who have been able to rent out properties using a property manager. So I know I have at least 1 referral. Moving twice would be extremely inconvenient and costly, but not impossible. The higher salary could definitely absorb the cost. The only other thing is the Internet says with an FHA loan, you're required to be living in the house for at least a year or the lender could default your loan. That sounds terrible.
While I don't want to bet against myself, I'm not all too hopeful about this job prospect as it has a lot of variables stacked up against it given my anxious nature, poor history with large interview panels, and structured behavioral-based interview questions.
Outside of the nagging feeling I have, I'm not too worried.
This morning I went out and bought a $54 hand truck. Onward!
Just stopping by to provide a quick update on my house hunt.
The good:
I was succesfully able to complete the wire transfer to the title company on my lunch break on Friday. I was nervouse because they were supposed to give me the instructions on Thursday, but since I've already committed to the process, I didn't say much about their untimeliness. Of course my out of state credit union was not able to help me do the transfer after I completed the necessary paperwork a month ago.
I anticipated this and squirreled away some money in my local bank. Thank, God right. Luckily, my downpayment/cash to close was a little less than $3k so this was not a huge amount of money I needed to have in two places.
COVID-19 note: I was able to complete the wire transfer request through the drive-up teller. Pretty convenient. I wonder if they'll incorporate any new services gained from this outbreak into life after the outbreak.
The troubling:
Because of the outbreak and a pending job interview scheduled for Wednesday (two days after closing), I have a feeling I can't shake that I'm making the wrong decision. Did God really allow an international viral outbreak to stop me from buying this house?
In my How to Overcome Anything post, some of the research I came across suggested you really have a realistic talk with yourself on these sort of doomsday fantasies.
What is the reality? What is the actual worst case scenario?
Outside of something really violent happening - what my coworkers were warning me about, the only thing I'm really thinking is the inconvenience of closing on a home and having to move out of state a week or so later. It would be inconvenient and a little costly.
So here are the actual possible outcomes
- Violence, death/ dismemberment, or other crime
- Get the out-of-state job after moving in
Let's address them.
As far as New House being in a less desirable neighborhood, I'd already made my peace with that months ago. Nothing really new has happened there. If God really saw my ultimate demise happening in this house, is an international pandemic really the way to go. I would think, another buyer could've out timed me; I could have seen something violent in my 2 or 3 trips to the property; the loan could not have been approved for some reason, due to my high student loan balance - although I think the law protects me there; I think the name change I did a few years ago could have been flagged; the property could have flooded; there could have been an inspection issue.
Outcome 2 is getting the out-of-state job. I know 2 people now who have been able to rent out properties using a property manager. So I know I have at least 1 referral. Moving twice would be extremely inconvenient and costly, but not impossible. The higher salary could definitely absorb the cost. The only other thing is the Internet says with an FHA loan, you're required to be living in the house for at least a year or the lender could default your loan. That sounds terrible.
While I don't want to bet against myself, I'm not all too hopeful about this job prospect as it has a lot of variables stacked up against it given my anxious nature, poor history with large interview panels, and structured behavioral-based interview questions.
Outside of the nagging feeling I have, I'm not too worried.
This morning I went out and bought a $54 hand truck. Onward!
Back at work and a Housing Update
First day back at work after 6 days off. It was awesome. I think after having done it, I prefer doing a Wed to Wed vs just a straight Monday to Friday off. I know some might prefer having more consecutive days off in a row with the weekend as bookends, but I prefer the illusion of having 2 weeks off. I like that last week was a 2 day work week for me and this week is a 2 day work week for me.Winning!
It's a sad feeling to know I like my job the most when I have little to no work to do, to the point that I get annoyed when customers call. Mind you, I work in a call center. Sad, but true.
I didn't think the week off had worked for me because I still cried most days, but I've seen little benefits here and there. For example, when someone mentioned my aunt in an email, I felt distance from the grief. I still teared up but it didn't feel so fresh.
And clearing out both my work and personal inbox took about an hour, so that helped make it feel like time indeed had passed.
Housing Update
One thing that wasn't in my inbox was wiring instructions for the closing that's scheduled for Monday. It all seems off. In my wishful thinking, I imagined God was giving the whole world a pandemic to get me to NOT buy the house. But I checked in with my realtor and lender, and the closing is set to happen as planned.
I still haven't received Final Closing Disclosures and wiring instructions, so this is interesting. I asked the internet, and I think the rule/ law is they're supposed to provide the Final Closing Disclosures at least 3 business days ahead of closing. And Saturday is considered a business day in real estate. So today was the 3rd day. It's almost 8p and nothing.
I mean I don't actually know what my recourse would be if this mattered to me.
I was trying to talk with a colleague about what I would do if I didn't sign on Monday or couldn't move this weekend. She was no help. It's hit and miss with her. I need to really figure out her optimal place in my life.
I don't really know what my Plan B is, and I am not convinced it's part of some larger plan. I think it would just be really inconvenient.
I don't think I would be homeless because the rental office is saying we could renew our leases with no increase. But the minimum renewal is 9 months. So that would suck.
I could probably consider just a 1 month renewal for a premium. Renewing here and for 9 months just seems so out of the realm of possibility.
Interview
I was thinking maybe God was parting the heavens because the pending job interview with Big Pharma was my golden ticket out of my current life. I was hopeful because it was going to be a phone interview with just one person and probably Friday (tomorrow). Turns out the earliest they can schedule that is Wednesday (two days after scheduled closing) and it went from a 1:1 to a panel interview with video conferencing. That instantly increased my anxiety and mentally took me out of the running. Even if I was adequately prepared with all the questions ahead of time, the panel feels like interrogation and flight-or-fight mode kicks in. It's far more difficult to perform under these conditions.
So that's it. Plan for the weekend: not pack, possibly make cupcakes, and maybe run out tonight to get some plastic utensils and lunch meat in preparation for the viral apocalypse.
It's a sad feeling to know I like my job the most when I have little to no work to do, to the point that I get annoyed when customers call. Mind you, I work in a call center. Sad, but true.
I didn't think the week off had worked for me because I still cried most days, but I've seen little benefits here and there. For example, when someone mentioned my aunt in an email, I felt distance from the grief. I still teared up but it didn't feel so fresh.
And clearing out both my work and personal inbox took about an hour, so that helped make it feel like time indeed had passed.
Housing Update
One thing that wasn't in my inbox was wiring instructions for the closing that's scheduled for Monday. It all seems off. In my wishful thinking, I imagined God was giving the whole world a pandemic to get me to NOT buy the house. But I checked in with my realtor and lender, and the closing is set to happen as planned.
I still haven't received Final Closing Disclosures and wiring instructions, so this is interesting. I asked the internet, and I think the rule/ law is they're supposed to provide the Final Closing Disclosures at least 3 business days ahead of closing. And Saturday is considered a business day in real estate. So today was the 3rd day. It's almost 8p and nothing.
I mean I don't actually know what my recourse would be if this mattered to me.
I was trying to talk with a colleague about what I would do if I didn't sign on Monday or couldn't move this weekend. She was no help. It's hit and miss with her. I need to really figure out her optimal place in my life.
I don't really know what my Plan B is, and I am not convinced it's part of some larger plan. I think it would just be really inconvenient.
I don't think I would be homeless because the rental office is saying we could renew our leases with no increase. But the minimum renewal is 9 months. So that would suck.
I could probably consider just a 1 month renewal for a premium. Renewing here and for 9 months just seems so out of the realm of possibility.
Interview
I was thinking maybe God was parting the heavens because the pending job interview with Big Pharma was my golden ticket out of my current life. I was hopeful because it was going to be a phone interview with just one person and probably Friday (tomorrow). Turns out the earliest they can schedule that is Wednesday (two days after scheduled closing) and it went from a 1:1 to a panel interview with video conferencing. That instantly increased my anxiety and mentally took me out of the running. Even if I was adequately prepared with all the questions ahead of time, the panel feels like interrogation and flight-or-fight mode kicks in. It's far more difficult to perform under these conditions.
So that's it. Plan for the weekend: not pack, possibly make cupcakes, and maybe run out tonight to get some plastic utensils and lunch meat in preparation for the viral apocalypse.
$28 of Pandemic Groceries and a Housing Update
It's 10pm and I just got back from the grocery store. Why, you might ask? Well, I was watching the ABC app via my friend's cable sign-in and some live news got through.
If you don't know, my default setting is to avoid the media.
The clip of local news that came through several times announced, among other things, that the governor of NC had closed restaurants. I did not know that was a thing!
I've gotten bits and pieces of the pandemic from reading other people's blogs and overhearing conversations but because it hadn't really affected me, I had paid it no mind.
Recall that it's Tuesday, and I've been on vacation since last Wednesday. So I had even less contact with the outside world than normal.
So at 9p in the middle of whatever show I was watching, I decided I should probably get groceries.
I quickly scanned the local news channel's website to make sure I'd heard it correctly. Yup, schools were closed even NC State U; as were the Science Olympiad competitions I'd signed up to judge this month; and yes the governor had indeed ordered restaurants to close. W-O-W. From what I could tell, a lot of things were closed until a future time TBD but some things were closed until the end of the month.
Pandemic Groceries
In my mind I decided I should probably try to get groceries for 1 to 2 weeks. Here's the thing. I'm supposed to be moving in 1 week, next Saturday to be exact. As a result, I'd been emptying out my fridge and cabinets and just getting fun snacks and minor things as I need them. For the most part, I'd been enjoying my solitude in the name of celebrating my birthday month.
I just figured I'd go out to eat, if I got hungry enough. In fact today, I'd had popcorn, a banana, and cookies. The when it got dark, I looked in my freezer and decided to use my deep fryer to finish off 2 egg rolls that had been there since last year and a handful of fries, like literally maybe 7 to 10 fries, and I fried one remaining fish fillet that I ended up just saving for later. The plan being two fold - fry whatever I could so that I could clean out the fryer in prep for my move next weekend.
Even with the trip to the grocery store, I figured I'd just get pasta and ground meat to make a pot of spaghetti that could get me through to the next weekend. Then the angst of the pandemic, thoughts of going back to work, and the real possibility that I could lose access to other things gave my emotions cruise control.
So I walked out of my nearby Food Lion with cut fruit, strawberries, french toast sticks, 5 pounds of potatoes ( I only really wanted 2 single potatoes but that was all they had), pita bread, no eggs (out of stock), the pasta and meat I came for, juices, and some cereal.
I just didn't know what to buy. Some things I felt made sense - spaghetti, cereal. Others I bought in anticipation of some emotional decline, and still others in case I'm house bound for a second week - the potatoes.
I still have about 5 pounds of not-so-tasty Jasmine rice here, so I vacillated on the potatoes for quite a while. Which is worse - rice I don't want to eat or potatoes I don't want to peel. I erred on the side of pandemic and emergency preparedness and purchased the potatoes so I'd have options.
Housing Update
After all that, I still don't really know if I'm closing on Monday. I guess I thought the week ramping up to closing would be more hectic in terms of communication with the other parties. But really not much so far.
I had the New Home Orientation yesterday. It was supposed to last 1.5 hours, I think it lasted almost four. But I enjoyed it. I didn't know something like that was a part of the process. If you've never done it, the builder set it up. It's a walk through for things that need to be touched up, but he also explained how to use the appliances, where basic functional things were - such as hot and cold water shut offs, important electrical outlets, the breakers, emergency numbers for the HVAC and plumbing that came with the house, warranties I'd need to update, notes on things maintenance of things like the HVAC, the dishwasher, the attic. Little things like that really help an anxious soul like myself.
I'm just better at doing life when I know what to expect.
Today, in my clicking around, I went ahead and priced out some appliances I'll need, i.e fridge, washer, dryer. Based on just store-brand recognition, I did some basic searches at Lowe's, Home Depot, Best Buy, and Sears. For the most part, they all offered 0% financing with their credit card or some version of 5% off.
For now, Lowe's had the best prices because they included free delivery and basic installation. Sears' prices were comparable but they had a delivery charge which did not include installation.
And as for whether to take the special financing or the 5% off, I think I'm leaning toward the 5% off. Because my cash to close is so low, I should have enough to cover the appliances which I'm estimating to be around $1600. (Side note, it turns out hoarding funds in anticipation of the move might actually not be a bad thing because the blogosphere is saying now is a good time to buy low, in terms of investing.)
Three Cheers for America
I imagine people have strong opinions on the pandemic and how local and national government are handling it. Some people are even positing on how it'll affect financial futures - locally, nationally, internationally. People are talking about down turns in the stock market and another recession like what we saw in 2009.
My mind definitely hasn't gone there. I mean I barely knew anything was happening until a couple hours ago.
However, when I was in the grocery store - free from panic - I just found a quiet moment of gratitude. In another time, I think business owners would take this opportunity to gouge prices or take advantage of consumers. Instead, all the prices at the grocery store were the same. In fact, I've seen people talking about ways to help local business and each other. I've gotten a few emails about free delivery options from restaurants. Even my leasing office has offered to renew our leases without an increase in the midst of this mild crisis.
I know it's a marketing ploy to keep their businesses thriving, but I still think it could have gone in a different direction.
And whether it's the law or not to not price-gouge or take advantage of consumers, I'm happy to live here.
In a final thought, can you imagine if I were still on sabbatical. This would definitely be a strange time to be coming back from sabbatical. Unexpected, to say the least.
If you don't know, my default setting is to avoid the media.
The clip of local news that came through several times announced, among other things, that the governor of NC had closed restaurants. I did not know that was a thing!
I've gotten bits and pieces of the pandemic from reading other people's blogs and overhearing conversations but because it hadn't really affected me, I had paid it no mind.
Recall that it's Tuesday, and I've been on vacation since last Wednesday. So I had even less contact with the outside world than normal.
So at 9p in the middle of whatever show I was watching, I decided I should probably get groceries.
I quickly scanned the local news channel's website to make sure I'd heard it correctly. Yup, schools were closed even NC State U; as were the Science Olympiad competitions I'd signed up to judge this month; and yes the governor had indeed ordered restaurants to close. W-O-W. From what I could tell, a lot of things were closed until a future time TBD but some things were closed until the end of the month.
Pandemic Groceries
In my mind I decided I should probably try to get groceries for 1 to 2 weeks. Here's the thing. I'm supposed to be moving in 1 week, next Saturday to be exact. As a result, I'd been emptying out my fridge and cabinets and just getting fun snacks and minor things as I need them. For the most part, I'd been enjoying my solitude in the name of celebrating my birthday month.
I just figured I'd go out to eat, if I got hungry enough. In fact today, I'd had popcorn, a banana, and cookies. The when it got dark, I looked in my freezer and decided to use my deep fryer to finish off 2 egg rolls that had been there since last year and a handful of fries, like literally maybe 7 to 10 fries, and I fried one remaining fish fillet that I ended up just saving for later. The plan being two fold - fry whatever I could so that I could clean out the fryer in prep for my move next weekend.
Even with the trip to the grocery store, I figured I'd just get pasta and ground meat to make a pot of spaghetti that could get me through to the next weekend. Then the angst of the pandemic, thoughts of going back to work, and the real possibility that I could lose access to other things gave my emotions cruise control.
So I walked out of my nearby Food Lion with cut fruit, strawberries, french toast sticks, 5 pounds of potatoes ( I only really wanted 2 single potatoes but that was all they had), pita bread, no eggs (out of stock), the pasta and meat I came for, juices, and some cereal.
I just didn't know what to buy. Some things I felt made sense - spaghetti, cereal. Others I bought in anticipation of some emotional decline, and still others in case I'm house bound for a second week - the potatoes.
I still have about 5 pounds of not-so-tasty Jasmine rice here, so I vacillated on the potatoes for quite a while. Which is worse - rice I don't want to eat or potatoes I don't want to peel. I erred on the side of pandemic and emergency preparedness and purchased the potatoes so I'd have options.
Housing Update
After all that, I still don't really know if I'm closing on Monday. I guess I thought the week ramping up to closing would be more hectic in terms of communication with the other parties. But really not much so far.
I had the New Home Orientation yesterday. It was supposed to last 1.5 hours, I think it lasted almost four. But I enjoyed it. I didn't know something like that was a part of the process. If you've never done it, the builder set it up. It's a walk through for things that need to be touched up, but he also explained how to use the appliances, where basic functional things were - such as hot and cold water shut offs, important electrical outlets, the breakers, emergency numbers for the HVAC and plumbing that came with the house, warranties I'd need to update, notes on things maintenance of things like the HVAC, the dishwasher, the attic. Little things like that really help an anxious soul like myself.
I'm just better at doing life when I know what to expect.
Today, in my clicking around, I went ahead and priced out some appliances I'll need, i.e fridge, washer, dryer. Based on just store-brand recognition, I did some basic searches at Lowe's, Home Depot, Best Buy, and Sears. For the most part, they all offered 0% financing with their credit card or some version of 5% off.
For now, Lowe's had the best prices because they included free delivery and basic installation. Sears' prices were comparable but they had a delivery charge which did not include installation.
And as for whether to take the special financing or the 5% off, I think I'm leaning toward the 5% off. Because my cash to close is so low, I should have enough to cover the appliances which I'm estimating to be around $1600. (Side note, it turns out hoarding funds in anticipation of the move might actually not be a bad thing because the blogosphere is saying now is a good time to buy low, in terms of investing.)
Three Cheers for America
I imagine people have strong opinions on the pandemic and how local and national government are handling it. Some people are even positing on how it'll affect financial futures - locally, nationally, internationally. People are talking about down turns in the stock market and another recession like what we saw in 2009.
My mind definitely hasn't gone there. I mean I barely knew anything was happening until a couple hours ago.
However, when I was in the grocery store - free from panic - I just found a quiet moment of gratitude. In another time, I think business owners would take this opportunity to gouge prices or take advantage of consumers. Instead, all the prices at the grocery store were the same. In fact, I've seen people talking about ways to help local business and each other. I've gotten a few emails about free delivery options from restaurants. Even my leasing office has offered to renew our leases without an increase in the midst of this mild crisis.
I know it's a marketing ploy to keep their businesses thriving, but I still think it could have gone in a different direction.
And whether it's the law or not to not price-gouge or take advantage of consumers, I'm happy to live here.
In a final thought, can you imagine if I were still on sabbatical. This would definitely be a strange time to be coming back from sabbatical. Unexpected, to say the least.
I got a little bank bonus happy
Great morning!
Can you believe my vacation is over tomorrow.
Although I haven't been to work in about a week, I still don't feel that relaxed.
Hard as I tried, I couldn't stay off the internet. I finally convinced myself that reading PF (personal finance) blogs were the same as reading because it was what I wanted to read.
So I did alot of that and a lot of job searching. I just like to punish myself. I think as the housing closing date nears (next Monday), I have a bit of FOMO. Also, I find searching Indeed the closest I can get to a dating app. I just like searching and daydreaming about what my life could have been.
One more day of freedom, then put off packing for one more weekend, then it'll be crunch time.
I've also been thinking more about getting a phone for the next 6 months to a year. One, I'll probably be dealing with a lot of customer service reps as I get the new place set up (i.e. utilities, appliances, furniture, etc). General safety should probably make that list.
Secondly, it's getting more and more difficult with all the 2-factor authentication needed to just conduct everyday business without a cell phone. But because those instances are so sporadic, I've been reticent to commit to a phone plan until now.
So add finding a phone plan and a new checking account to my list of things to do in the near future.
I mentioned in a recent post that I've been devouring PF blog posts and came across a website that published bank account offers - you know, sign up for a new checking account and do this list of things and get $200.
Well I clicked around and spent most of Sunday applying and reading through the requirements. It literally took all day.
Here's my list
Potential Haul: $1100
Likely Haul: $800 to $900 after taxes (and mistakes)
Note, I did the math on storing the different amounts of money for the different amounts of time vs investing (6%) or online savings account (~1.7%), and the bank bonus wins every time by a large margin!
Small example
First Horizon
Requirement: $50 to open, must do 1 direct deposit ( I chose $5), keep account open 6 months
Free money: $200
The math:
Online Savings: $55 x 1.7% interest x 6 months; interest earned = $0.47
Investing w/ 6% return: $1.63
Bigger example
Wells Fargo
Requirement: direct deposit $4k in 90 days; keep account open 4 months
Free money: $400
The math:
Online savings: $4000 x 1.7% interest x 4 months, interest earned = $22.54
Investing w/6% return: $78.45
So even with some spotty customer service, I persisted. The numbers don't lie!
A couple things allowed me to be able to do this at this time
Personal notes on the process
- Apparently at work, I can have a maximum of 6 direct deposits.
- For my emotional safety, I'd like to skip any accounts I can't open online, i.e. avoid going into a branch. Those salty customer service agents are really emotionally triggering. Yeah, I said it. I almost quit one of the sign-ups because they were so terrible to me. I just don't feel I should have any emotional reaction after a simple transaction such as opening a bank account.
- I need to find my "too many hoops" limit. After reading the fine print, setting up the transactions, it will not take just 5 minutes to set up one of these schemes.
- Some accounts are way easier to open than others.
- Zelle transfer is your friend.
- I really need to find a new local bank that makes transferring money between other banks a little easier (but still secure).
- Right now SunTrust has been the easiest in terms of opening and funding the account.
- Check with the bank (if you can stand talking to customer service reps) about how long you have to reach the minimum daily balance. The first answer they tell you is usually wrong, so ask about when the statement cycle starts. *Note, since I just opened these accounts in the last couple days, I actually still don't know if the answers I received from the reps are true. I'm sure that will be a future post in what is turning out to be my 2020 rant: not everyone is good at their job!
Have you ever opened a bank account just for the bonus?
Also, any recs for a free checking account? I'm really in the market for one!
Can you believe my vacation is over tomorrow.
Although I haven't been to work in about a week, I still don't feel that relaxed.
Hard as I tried, I couldn't stay off the internet. I finally convinced myself that reading PF (personal finance) blogs were the same as reading because it was what I wanted to read.
So I did alot of that and a lot of job searching. I just like to punish myself. I think as the housing closing date nears (next Monday), I have a bit of FOMO. Also, I find searching Indeed the closest I can get to a dating app. I just like searching and daydreaming about what my life could have been.
One more day of freedom, then put off packing for one more weekend, then it'll be crunch time.
I've also been thinking more about getting a phone for the next 6 months to a year. One, I'll probably be dealing with a lot of customer service reps as I get the new place set up (i.e. utilities, appliances, furniture, etc). General safety should probably make that list.
Secondly, it's getting more and more difficult with all the 2-factor authentication needed to just conduct everyday business without a cell phone. But because those instances are so sporadic, I've been reticent to commit to a phone plan until now.
So add finding a phone plan and a new checking account to my list of things to do in the near future.
I mentioned in a recent post that I've been devouring PF blog posts and came across a website that published bank account offers - you know, sign up for a new checking account and do this list of things and get $200.
Well I clicked around and spent most of Sunday applying and reading through the requirements. It literally took all day.
Here's my list
Potential Haul: $1100
Likely Haul: $800 to $900 after taxes (and mistakes)
Note, I did the math on storing the different amounts of money for the different amounts of time vs investing (6%) or online savings account (~1.7%), and the bank bonus wins every time by a large margin!
Small example
First Horizon
Requirement: $50 to open, must do 1 direct deposit ( I chose $5), keep account open 6 months
Free money: $200
The math:
Online Savings: $55 x 1.7% interest x 6 months; interest earned = $0.47
Investing w/ 6% return: $1.63
Bigger example
Wells Fargo
Requirement: direct deposit $4k in 90 days; keep account open 4 months
Free money: $400
The math:
Online savings: $4000 x 1.7% interest x 4 months, interest earned = $22.54
Investing w/6% return: $78.45
So even with some spotty customer service, I persisted. The numbers don't lie!
A couple things allowed me to be able to do this at this time
- Being on vacation, so more time for nonsense
- An extra influx of cash with tax refund and money sitting in my savings pending the house closing. Because usually, at this time of year my accounts have been swept for extra cash and moved to my brokerage account making them inaccessible.
- Having paid off my last bills for housing related matters until I find new housing, so I could be a little flexible with where my direct deposits go since I don't have to fund my Bill Pay account for the time being
- Generally on the prowl for a new checking account
- A more predictable direct deposit update schedule with Call Center 2 (vs Call Center #1)
Personal notes on the process
- Apparently at work, I can have a maximum of 6 direct deposits.
- For my emotional safety, I'd like to skip any accounts I can't open online, i.e. avoid going into a branch. Those salty customer service agents are really emotionally triggering. Yeah, I said it. I almost quit one of the sign-ups because they were so terrible to me. I just don't feel I should have any emotional reaction after a simple transaction such as opening a bank account.
- I need to find my "too many hoops" limit. After reading the fine print, setting up the transactions, it will not take just 5 minutes to set up one of these schemes.
- Some accounts are way easier to open than others.
- Zelle transfer is your friend.
- I really need to find a new local bank that makes transferring money between other banks a little easier (but still secure).
- Right now SunTrust has been the easiest in terms of opening and funding the account.
- Check with the bank (if you can stand talking to customer service reps) about how long you have to reach the minimum daily balance. The first answer they tell you is usually wrong, so ask about when the statement cycle starts. *Note, since I just opened these accounts in the last couple days, I actually still don't know if the answers I received from the reps are true. I'm sure that will be a future post in what is turning out to be my 2020 rant: not everyone is good at their job!
Have you ever opened a bank account just for the bonus?
Also, any recs for a free checking account? I'm really in the market for one!
Credit Karma Tax Really is Free and You Can Still Contribute to Your HSA
I've been binging quite a few blogs with my week off from work. Apparently this COVID 19 stuff has become a pandemic. What's funny to me is that it doesn't really change anything about my current routine. I've been mostly oblivious to it.
The other thing I gained from the blogs I binged are other tips. One blog mentioned some free money some banks were offering for opening a new accounts. I've done this once before a long time ago. And I got a free mailer for another bank I already had an account for (5/3 Bank). They give away $250 just for depositing $250. I started thinking about this more and more, but the deals on that site (doctorofcredit.com) involved quite a bit more than depositing a few hundred dollars. I just think it's funny that I didn't even think to look for a site like this, when of course, duh, something like this would exist!
My point is, I forgot what a resource the PF (personal finance) arena can be.
So I thought I'd share a few things I learned.
Credit Karma
Yep, the hype is true. I filed my federal and state taxes with Credit Karma Tax and it was completely free. There was no upselling to be found. And I compared it to last year's taxes...by actually creating a dummy account and putting in last year's numbers and I got just about the same return. I even tested a friend's tax return on Credit Karma Tax vs a tax preparer she paid $300 for, and that was about the same as well.
I've been a pretty loyal HR Block Free File user for most of my income-tax life. It's a nationwide brand; my taxes have always been easy; I liked that they used to store my old returns; and they give you a little feedback on things you did well - example, by saving x amount in your 401k, you decreased your effective tax rate by y amount; and I never had a need to pay for their premium packages.
However filing my 2018 taxes were different. That was the year I opened my brokerage account and my taxes were more "complex" than the Free File allowed for. And I was frequently asked to upgrade. At one point, it seemed I would not be able to file at all without paying for a premium package. Somehow, I got around it but made a mental note to click-around come 2019 tax time.
By 2019 tax time, I'd seen Credit Karma Tax in the PF blogosphere as well as on commercials, and my cousins recommended it. So, I tried it. It was easy and it was free. I like the HR Block interface better; it just looked more polished. Credit Karma Tax seemed too consumer-friendly. I want to know what the real words for things are.
Health Savings Account (HSA)
That being said. I learned a little bit more about my HSA while preparing my taxes with Credit Karma Tax. Call Center #2 was my first time having access to an HSA. My training was so rushed, I never really got a chance to read through all my benefit documents. When it was time to enroll benefits, I just picked a plan that seemed to meet my basic needs and was an okay cost.
I'd read about HSAs when I first joined the PF community. All I knew was HSA = good. So I went with that.
(It was only after the fact, that I read through some of benefit book examples, and it seemed like my choice was actually a good financial choice for a family of 1. )
I learned later, you had to have $1,000 to invest HSA funds. So about 2 or 3 paychecks from the end of the 2019 year, I tried to increase my contribution to reach the $1k threshold. I couldn't do it online because there weren't enough pay periods left. I actually ended up not contributing anything at all with my last paycheck because the customer service rep told me he would be able to do it on his end. LIES (one of a series with Mercer Marketplace).
I tried to fix it with my Benefits team but was told there was nothing else that could be done. I suppose from a payroll perspective this was true. So I was really mad for awhile and let it go.
I started to prep my taxes near the end of February. When the software asked about my HSA contributions for 2019, it said to include any contributions made from Jan 1 to April 15, 2020. What's that you say?!
I clicked the info box in the program and learned that was a thing you could do. Quoi??
I asked my HR how to do it, and they directed me to Mercer. No way, I thought, they were the ones that got me in this mess to begin with.
So I clicked around the internet so I could know exactly what I needed to do. I needed a form from the institution that serviced my HSA account and learned there should be a place to mark which year to make the contribution. Eureka! This had to be something I could do online.
I clicked around my HR site once more to try to log-in to my HSA account. No dice! After a few more days of frustration, I finally called Mercer Marketplace to get a link and log-in information. That they could do. When I asked about contributing to my 2019 HSA, they again told me it was too late. This time, I knew this was wrong. So I asked about where there might be a form. And after some more wrong turns, I was lead to a form repository. I had to figure it out on my own then because I was fed with even more bad information.
These are the moments I'm so thankful I can read English well! I know that's silly to say, but some of my cousins learned a different language as their 1st language, and I always think that's so cool. But being able to field mis-information and figure things out on my own in part due to my command of English is just something I'm generally thankful for!
I tentatively filled out a form and pulled out some old checks from 2014. I also learned you can't use the HSA you opened in 2019 to pay for an old medical bill from 2018. Whoops. (Full disclosure: I actually asked-the-Internet how to write a check because it's been that long!)
So I had to find two forms.
One to correct a withdrawal I made for the old medical bill. The second to contribute to my 2019 HSA balance in 2020. (Well, it actually turned out to be the same form because they both counted as contributions just for different tax years.)
To avoid any confusion, I completed two separate forms for the two separate years; wrote 2 separate checks; put them in 2 separate envelopes.
I marked a date on my calendar when I thought it would all post. And it worked! I was so pleased. I was even able to convert any money over the $1k threshold to automatically invest in a target date fund I picked out.
I learned from reading another blogger's post that after she retires she plans to move her HSA to another firm (Lively) that doesn't have the $1k threshold and is low or no fee.
The jury's still out for me as far as the $1k threshold goes. Even my employer's benefit guide recommends spending cash to pay for medical expenses while your HSA account grows. I actually don't know if I can even eliminate the the threshold while I still work for this employer.
As for spending cash for medical expenses, we'll just have to see. I know the thought of spending cash prevented me from going to urgent care when I was sick last week, so I still don't know. I think mostly with having a high-deductible plan, I don't like that I don't know how much things are going to cost.
I knew with a regular insurance plan, I would generally just pay the co-pay. So I'm still navigating that. Every now and then, I think about trying cognitive behavior therapy, but I don't know how much something like that is going to cost because I'd probably be paying out-of-pocket.
One thing I did do as far as accounting for the HSA payroll deductions, I moved it from the "income" column to "expenses" column. When I see other bloggers tally their assets, they count it as an asset. It was confusing too because it's called a Health "Savings" Account, so I wanted to think of it as income, but really it's just pre-paying future medical expenses. So to help me get a better picture of where my money goes, I've started including each HSA payroll deduction as an expense.
The other thing I gained from the blogs I binged are other tips. One blog mentioned some free money some banks were offering for opening a new accounts. I've done this once before a long time ago. And I got a free mailer for another bank I already had an account for (5/3 Bank). They give away $250 just for depositing $250. I started thinking about this more and more, but the deals on that site (doctorofcredit.com) involved quite a bit more than depositing a few hundred dollars. I just think it's funny that I didn't even think to look for a site like this, when of course, duh, something like this would exist!
My point is, I forgot what a resource the PF (personal finance) arena can be.
So I thought I'd share a few things I learned.
Credit Karma
Yep, the hype is true. I filed my federal and state taxes with Credit Karma Tax and it was completely free. There was no upselling to be found. And I compared it to last year's taxes...by actually creating a dummy account and putting in last year's numbers and I got just about the same return. I even tested a friend's tax return on Credit Karma Tax vs a tax preparer she paid $300 for, and that was about the same as well.
I've been a pretty loyal HR Block Free File user for most of my income-tax life. It's a nationwide brand; my taxes have always been easy; I liked that they used to store my old returns; and they give you a little feedback on things you did well - example, by saving x amount in your 401k, you decreased your effective tax rate by y amount; and I never had a need to pay for their premium packages.
However filing my 2018 taxes were different. That was the year I opened my brokerage account and my taxes were more "complex" than the Free File allowed for. And I was frequently asked to upgrade. At one point, it seemed I would not be able to file at all without paying for a premium package. Somehow, I got around it but made a mental note to click-around come 2019 tax time.
By 2019 tax time, I'd seen Credit Karma Tax in the PF blogosphere as well as on commercials, and my cousins recommended it. So, I tried it. It was easy and it was free. I like the HR Block interface better; it just looked more polished. Credit Karma Tax seemed too consumer-friendly. I want to know what the real words for things are.
Health Savings Account (HSA)
That being said. I learned a little bit more about my HSA while preparing my taxes with Credit Karma Tax. Call Center #2 was my first time having access to an HSA. My training was so rushed, I never really got a chance to read through all my benefit documents. When it was time to enroll benefits, I just picked a plan that seemed to meet my basic needs and was an okay cost.
I'd read about HSAs when I first joined the PF community. All I knew was HSA = good. So I went with that.
(It was only after the fact, that I read through some of benefit book examples, and it seemed like my choice was actually a good financial choice for a family of 1. )
I learned later, you had to have $1,000 to invest HSA funds. So about 2 or 3 paychecks from the end of the 2019 year, I tried to increase my contribution to reach the $1k threshold. I couldn't do it online because there weren't enough pay periods left. I actually ended up not contributing anything at all with my last paycheck because the customer service rep told me he would be able to do it on his end. LIES (one of a series with Mercer Marketplace).
I tried to fix it with my Benefits team but was told there was nothing else that could be done. I suppose from a payroll perspective this was true. So I was really mad for awhile and let it go.
I started to prep my taxes near the end of February. When the software asked about my HSA contributions for 2019, it said to include any contributions made from Jan 1 to April 15, 2020. What's that you say?!
I clicked the info box in the program and learned that was a thing you could do. Quoi??
I asked my HR how to do it, and they directed me to Mercer. No way, I thought, they were the ones that got me in this mess to begin with.
So I clicked around the internet so I could know exactly what I needed to do. I needed a form from the institution that serviced my HSA account and learned there should be a place to mark which year to make the contribution. Eureka! This had to be something I could do online.
I clicked around my HR site once more to try to log-in to my HSA account. No dice! After a few more days of frustration, I finally called Mercer Marketplace to get a link and log-in information. That they could do. When I asked about contributing to my 2019 HSA, they again told me it was too late. This time, I knew this was wrong. So I asked about where there might be a form. And after some more wrong turns, I was lead to a form repository. I had to figure it out on my own then because I was fed with even more bad information.
These are the moments I'm so thankful I can read English well! I know that's silly to say, but some of my cousins learned a different language as their 1st language, and I always think that's so cool. But being able to field mis-information and figure things out on my own in part due to my command of English is just something I'm generally thankful for!
I tentatively filled out a form and pulled out some old checks from 2014. I also learned you can't use the HSA you opened in 2019 to pay for an old medical bill from 2018. Whoops. (Full disclosure: I actually asked-the-Internet how to write a check because it's been that long!)
So I had to find two forms.
One to correct a withdrawal I made for the old medical bill. The second to contribute to my 2019 HSA balance in 2020. (Well, it actually turned out to be the same form because they both counted as contributions just for different tax years.)
To avoid any confusion, I completed two separate forms for the two separate years; wrote 2 separate checks; put them in 2 separate envelopes.
I marked a date on my calendar when I thought it would all post. And it worked! I was so pleased. I was even able to convert any money over the $1k threshold to automatically invest in a target date fund I picked out.
I learned from reading another blogger's post that after she retires she plans to move her HSA to another firm (Lively) that doesn't have the $1k threshold and is low or no fee.
The jury's still out for me as far as the $1k threshold goes. Even my employer's benefit guide recommends spending cash to pay for medical expenses while your HSA account grows. I actually don't know if I can even eliminate the the threshold while I still work for this employer.
As for spending cash for medical expenses, we'll just have to see. I know the thought of spending cash prevented me from going to urgent care when I was sick last week, so I still don't know. I think mostly with having a high-deductible plan, I don't like that I don't know how much things are going to cost.
I knew with a regular insurance plan, I would generally just pay the co-pay. So I'm still navigating that. Every now and then, I think about trying cognitive behavior therapy, but I don't know how much something like that is going to cost because I'd probably be paying out-of-pocket.
One thing I did do as far as accounting for the HSA payroll deductions, I moved it from the "income" column to "expenses" column. When I see other bloggers tally their assets, they count it as an asset. It was confusing too because it's called a Health "Savings" Account, so I wanted to think of it as income, but really it's just pre-paying future medical expenses. So to help me get a better picture of where my money goes, I've started including each HSA payroll deduction as an expense.
Old Dog, No New Tricks
Happy Fri-yay! I'm not working today and it's a nice rainy start to the day. I don't mind actually.
Modified Goal
I woke up this morning with an epiphany. The thing happened, and it kind of took my focus away from my fitness goals. Well, I allowed it to take my focus away because I'm sure prioritizing wellness would have probably helped.
Call Center #2 reimburses 50% of expenses up to $300 on wellness and fitness expenses. It's a bit of a decrease from last year (100% up to $360), but I digress. So with my ever worsening tightness, soreness, and generally sedentary life, I jumped on the new year, new me fitness bandwagon.
Mind you, I already know I don't stick to things that require what I call a total personality change.
Well, I got swept up in the hype. I wasn't joining a gym, I told myself. I'll be motivated this time, since it's a finite amount of commitment and I actually really need to loosen up. It would behoove me to take advantage of this. Plus, I'm not a total goober, I did test out the fitness theory by purchasing just a 2-class pass first. Since I completed those, I felt I could do this.
So at the bright start of 2020, I purchased a 12-class pass of aerial classes. I had four months to attend 12 classes. To me that's just a 1x/week commitment. Surely, I could do that! It's now the middle of March, and I still have 9 classes left! That's barely 1x/month. The pass expires at the end of April.
So we affirm a four month commitment is a bit much for me. I'd stuck with a 9-class (I think) commitment to Tai Chi shortly after the pain started. But I guess 12 classes were 3 too many.
Well then my aunt died; the weight of the job hunt rejection continued; a pending move; a pending house-buy; and life happened.
I think probably a large chunk of it was due to my shift ending at 8p, I was mostly remanded to weekend classes. And it is very difficult to motivate myself to leave the house and be around people on weekends. The Tai Chi class worked for the most part because I could go to it straight after work. If I'm already in motion, it was a little easier.
All that being said, I decided to adjust my goal to my current circumstance. I'm set to move in two-weeks. So instead of trying to fit 9 more classes into the next 2 weeks, I'll just try to do 3. That'll bring my total up to 6 classes (out of 12). I'm technically only getting reimbursed for 50% of the pass, so at least I'll get what I paid for, just not at the discount I hoped for. But this feels like a more realistic goal.
This is a big step for me because usually I'm an all or nothing person. Well, if I can't do it all, why even do any of it.
More grumbles
Last night was more grumbling. I wish I knew what it meant to grieve the loss of something.
When I was 17, I graduated from high school. I was on top of the world. I'd gotten into Duke Early Decision, so I was leaving my crappy town hopefully for good. I still had friends. I was on prom court. I got to start college while I was in high school. Duke was even letting me come for the summer to start a few classes early.
It just seemed as though the stars were aligning.
Then after fall break, I had to drop out of Duke and go home because my immigration status meant I couldn't get financial aid. I tried to so hard to be faithful and hopeful. I got a job at the mall, and it would break my heart to see all the college kids home for the holidays with their collegiate apparel. I wasn't a crier then.
I spent the next two years just applying and applying to colleges and scholarships. I could get in but just couldn't afford it. Of course now I can think, if I weren't so focused on the loss of a dream, I could've focused on keeping my college expenses low. But I had envisioned this life for myself, and it included going to Duke. I needed the validation offered by a prestigious university- that I was smart, and I was going to be somebody.
Looking back it was such an opportunity to begin the road to financial independence, but I had no idea that was even a thing. I was so focused on what I felt I had lost that my only goal was to attain it again.
I feel like that's what may be happening again. I'm just focused on the fact that I'm not a Medical Information Manager. That I'm not leading some fast-paced life with tons of friends, cool experiences, fun vacations, and maybe even a love-interest or two.
Part of me groans deeply about this. Last night being one of those times. I just felt so sad and unhappy that this was my life. When I was 16 and actually accepted to Duke, I did not picture that 20 years later at 36, I'd be sitting in my bed alone, with no friends, a job I'm not proud of, and moving to a place I'm ashamed of to save money.
The twist
In the days since my aunt's death, I am realizing that my aunt was "my person," and I don't think I started to realize that until she passed away. She wasn't the handsome prince coming to rescue me. She wasn't the cool American with rich parents that would by association elevate my status.
No, she was my stubborn, penny-rich aunt who bought me clothes and trinkets from Walmart and the Dollar Store. Who was always asking me if I ate and would send me food in the mail when she thought I wasn't eating enough. She was the only one who wanted to hear from me everyday. She was the one who took me in to keep me safe from harm and make sure I had a stable home, clean clothes, good food, and access to a good education. Now she's gone before we ever really got to be friends. Before I ever realized she was my person.
I'm trying to keep an open mind about this stage of my life because in the past when my life didn't look the way I wanted it to, it turned out to be a true missed-opportunity.
But right now I don't feel that at all. I mostly feel disgruntled and unsatisfied.
Modified Goal
I woke up this morning with an epiphany. The thing happened, and it kind of took my focus away from my fitness goals. Well, I allowed it to take my focus away because I'm sure prioritizing wellness would have probably helped.
Call Center #2 reimburses 50% of expenses up to $300 on wellness and fitness expenses. It's a bit of a decrease from last year (100% up to $360), but I digress. So with my ever worsening tightness, soreness, and generally sedentary life, I jumped on the new year, new me fitness bandwagon.
Mind you, I already know I don't stick to things that require what I call a total personality change.
Well, I got swept up in the hype. I wasn't joining a gym, I told myself. I'll be motivated this time, since it's a finite amount of commitment and I actually really need to loosen up. It would behoove me to take advantage of this. Plus, I'm not a total goober, I did test out the fitness theory by purchasing just a 2-class pass first. Since I completed those, I felt I could do this.
So at the bright start of 2020, I purchased a 12-class pass of aerial classes. I had four months to attend 12 classes. To me that's just a 1x/week commitment. Surely, I could do that! It's now the middle of March, and I still have 9 classes left! That's barely 1x/month. The pass expires at the end of April.
So we affirm a four month commitment is a bit much for me. I'd stuck with a 9-class (I think) commitment to Tai Chi shortly after the pain started. But I guess 12 classes were 3 too many.
Well then my aunt died; the weight of the job hunt rejection continued; a pending move; a pending house-buy; and life happened.
I think probably a large chunk of it was due to my shift ending at 8p, I was mostly remanded to weekend classes. And it is very difficult to motivate myself to leave the house and be around people on weekends. The Tai Chi class worked for the most part because I could go to it straight after work. If I'm already in motion, it was a little easier.
All that being said, I decided to adjust my goal to my current circumstance. I'm set to move in two-weeks. So instead of trying to fit 9 more classes into the next 2 weeks, I'll just try to do 3. That'll bring my total up to 6 classes (out of 12). I'm technically only getting reimbursed for 50% of the pass, so at least I'll get what I paid for, just not at the discount I hoped for. But this feels like a more realistic goal.
This is a big step for me because usually I'm an all or nothing person. Well, if I can't do it all, why even do any of it.
More grumbles
Last night was more grumbling. I wish I knew what it meant to grieve the loss of something.
When I was 17, I graduated from high school. I was on top of the world. I'd gotten into Duke Early Decision, so I was leaving my crappy town hopefully for good. I still had friends. I was on prom court. I got to start college while I was in high school. Duke was even letting me come for the summer to start a few classes early.
It just seemed as though the stars were aligning.
Then after fall break, I had to drop out of Duke and go home because my immigration status meant I couldn't get financial aid. I tried to so hard to be faithful and hopeful. I got a job at the mall, and it would break my heart to see all the college kids home for the holidays with their collegiate apparel. I wasn't a crier then.
I spent the next two years just applying and applying to colleges and scholarships. I could get in but just couldn't afford it. Of course now I can think, if I weren't so focused on the loss of a dream, I could've focused on keeping my college expenses low. But I had envisioned this life for myself, and it included going to Duke. I needed the validation offered by a prestigious university- that I was smart, and I was going to be somebody.
Looking back it was such an opportunity to begin the road to financial independence, but I had no idea that was even a thing. I was so focused on what I felt I had lost that my only goal was to attain it again.
I feel like that's what may be happening again. I'm just focused on the fact that I'm not a Medical Information Manager. That I'm not leading some fast-paced life with tons of friends, cool experiences, fun vacations, and maybe even a love-interest or two.
Part of me groans deeply about this. Last night being one of those times. I just felt so sad and unhappy that this was my life. When I was 16 and actually accepted to Duke, I did not picture that 20 years later at 36, I'd be sitting in my bed alone, with no friends, a job I'm not proud of, and moving to a place I'm ashamed of to save money.
The twist
In the days since my aunt's death, I am realizing that my aunt was "my person," and I don't think I started to realize that until she passed away. She wasn't the handsome prince coming to rescue me. She wasn't the cool American with rich parents that would by association elevate my status.
No, she was my stubborn, penny-rich aunt who bought me clothes and trinkets from Walmart and the Dollar Store. Who was always asking me if I ate and would send me food in the mail when she thought I wasn't eating enough. She was the only one who wanted to hear from me everyday. She was the one who took me in to keep me safe from harm and make sure I had a stable home, clean clothes, good food, and access to a good education. Now she's gone before we ever really got to be friends. Before I ever realized she was my person.
I'm trying to keep an open mind about this stage of my life because in the past when my life didn't look the way I wanted it to, it turned out to be a true missed-opportunity.
But right now I don't feel that at all. I mostly feel disgruntled and unsatisfied.
Burying my head in the sand
So I'm officially 36! I'm old! To celebrate, I took a week off from work.
I'm supposed to be taking time away from responsibilities - most definitely work, but also the house hunt, and my sainted aunt's affairs, my family, etc.
But because I'm addicted to checking my email, I periodically checked my email yesterday.
For the first part of the day, it was mostly happy birthday greetings. Then after 5p, I got an email to contact one of my relatives regarding my sainted aunt's car.
The day before, my mom had asked me to talk to my brother about getting some paperwork done for immigration.
And of course there was the aftermath of the interview bringing me down.
Then there was the massage I had Tuesday (two days ago) where I was told my body was very tight (read: tense) and that I was carrying a lot of stress.
Ya think?
Stress
I love to restart my life especially when I am under stress. I've been avoiding the word "stress" for the better part of my adult life, but I can't anymore. I am stressed! I am so, so stressed! I realized the way I deal with it is to escape or anxiously eliminate it.
I say anxiously eliminate rather than make a good decision and eliminate it because that is exactly what I do. In terms of finance, I'll pay a convenience fee or pay a "convenience tax" to get rid of the problem as fast as possible. It's not always a good decision and it's not always a good outcome, but the problem is gone so I've met my objective.
Right now, my convenience tax is burying my head in the sand. It's convenient for me, but taxing for others including future me as the problem will only amplify if I don't solve it.
I journaled last night that I was done solving other people's problems. This immigration paperwork has been a 15 year battle with my brother. I just feel like he's an adult and he should be able to figure it out. Like what is his contribution to the family?
I feel like I handled my aunt's affairs while she was sick and now in her passing. I didn't do the best job, but I showed up and I did it. For example had I gotten on her about this will, some things would be easier. But she didn't have anything of value, so I thought what's the point.
Had I investigated more about her benefits with her former employer, some things would've been easier. But I didn't know her employer provided a death benefit.
There are definitely 2 things I could have done differently that would have made closing out her affairs 100% easier. To be fair, I didn't know the magnitude of the problems and their repercussions.
On the affairs of my aunt, I'm burying my hand in the sand. Her "estate" is insolvent and it doesn't benefit me to create an estate account to tell creditors we have no money for them. The few checks I received that are written out to her will just have to go uncashed.
Relatedly, my relative who got her car, will have to figure out how to get it titled in their name. I don't know how to do it anymore than she does. Again, I thought this would be easy once the loan was paid off. I could just sign the title over to my relative. Nope, the predatory lender sent the title as an e-title to Florida DMV. How do you pick up a deceased person's title? She will have to figure it out.
On my brother's immigration paperwork, he's forty years old. He will have to figure it out. If my mom wants him to do it, telling me to talk to him makes no sense. My brother and I don't talk that much, and really neither do me and my mother. She's a bit stuck in this anachronistic view of life, where family talks to each other and that suddenly motivates a behavior change. What???!
On the housing front, it's just an endless stream of responsibilities. I already don't want the responsibility of owning a home, each new thing I have to do is making me want to go through with it even less. I'll probably go through with it because I really don't want to be faced with another housing decision in the next 6 months to 1 year. Ugh. Financially, the house makes sense, but I'm really not ready for the responsibility.
Chinese Buffet
So yeah, my vacation is not off to a great start in terms of resting and relaxation. I did go to the Chinese Buffet last night. It was tasty and I didn't even stuff myself. I'm supposed to go to the beach tomorrow, so I hope I do. It's supposed to be sunny. And I got my fill of seafood last night at the buffet - frugal win- so I won't be tempted oceanside.
Peri-retirement
It's 8a and I'm writing. I woke up with the sun (read: road noise of early morning traffic). I've been wanting to get into some kind of routine. I think it will help me cope with the next 2-6 years at Call Center 2 and just life in general. But I can't quite find a rhythm. But writing in the morning might be nice. Oh and stretching! Even the massage therapist has recommended I do stretches! I just with I could feel the difference.
I'm supposed to be taking time away from responsibilities - most definitely work, but also the house hunt, and my sainted aunt's affairs, my family, etc.
But because I'm addicted to checking my email, I periodically checked my email yesterday.
For the first part of the day, it was mostly happy birthday greetings. Then after 5p, I got an email to contact one of my relatives regarding my sainted aunt's car.
The day before, my mom had asked me to talk to my brother about getting some paperwork done for immigration.
And of course there was the aftermath of the interview bringing me down.
Then there was the massage I had Tuesday (two days ago) where I was told my body was very tight (read: tense) and that I was carrying a lot of stress.
Ya think?
Stress
I love to restart my life especially when I am under stress. I've been avoiding the word "stress" for the better part of my adult life, but I can't anymore. I am stressed! I am so, so stressed! I realized the way I deal with it is to escape or anxiously eliminate it.
I say anxiously eliminate rather than make a good decision and eliminate it because that is exactly what I do. In terms of finance, I'll pay a convenience fee or pay a "convenience tax" to get rid of the problem as fast as possible. It's not always a good decision and it's not always a good outcome, but the problem is gone so I've met my objective.
Right now, my convenience tax is burying my head in the sand. It's convenient for me, but taxing for others including future me as the problem will only amplify if I don't solve it.
I journaled last night that I was done solving other people's problems. This immigration paperwork has been a 15 year battle with my brother. I just feel like he's an adult and he should be able to figure it out. Like what is his contribution to the family?
I feel like I handled my aunt's affairs while she was sick and now in her passing. I didn't do the best job, but I showed up and I did it. For example had I gotten on her about this will, some things would be easier. But she didn't have anything of value, so I thought what's the point.
Had I investigated more about her benefits with her former employer, some things would've been easier. But I didn't know her employer provided a death benefit.
There are definitely 2 things I could have done differently that would have made closing out her affairs 100% easier. To be fair, I didn't know the magnitude of the problems and their repercussions.
On the affairs of my aunt, I'm burying my hand in the sand. Her "estate" is insolvent and it doesn't benefit me to create an estate account to tell creditors we have no money for them. The few checks I received that are written out to her will just have to go uncashed.
Relatedly, my relative who got her car, will have to figure out how to get it titled in their name. I don't know how to do it anymore than she does. Again, I thought this would be easy once the loan was paid off. I could just sign the title over to my relative. Nope, the predatory lender sent the title as an e-title to Florida DMV. How do you pick up a deceased person's title? She will have to figure it out.
On my brother's immigration paperwork, he's forty years old. He will have to figure it out. If my mom wants him to do it, telling me to talk to him makes no sense. My brother and I don't talk that much, and really neither do me and my mother. She's a bit stuck in this anachronistic view of life, where family talks to each other and that suddenly motivates a behavior change. What???!
On the housing front, it's just an endless stream of responsibilities. I already don't want the responsibility of owning a home, each new thing I have to do is making me want to go through with it even less. I'll probably go through with it because I really don't want to be faced with another housing decision in the next 6 months to 1 year. Ugh. Financially, the house makes sense, but I'm really not ready for the responsibility.
Chinese Buffet
So yeah, my vacation is not off to a great start in terms of resting and relaxation. I did go to the Chinese Buffet last night. It was tasty and I didn't even stuff myself. I'm supposed to go to the beach tomorrow, so I hope I do. It's supposed to be sunny. And I got my fill of seafood last night at the buffet - frugal win- so I won't be tempted oceanside.
Peri-retirement
It's 8a and I'm writing. I woke up with the sun (read: road noise of early morning traffic). I've been wanting to get into some kind of routine. I think it will help me cope with the next 2-6 years at Call Center 2 and just life in general. But I can't quite find a rhythm. But writing in the morning might be nice. Oh and stretching! Even the massage therapist has recommended I do stretches! I just with I could feel the difference.
Lamentations, Interview, Parents
I'm just so disappointed with the outcome of my latest foray into the job market. I know, you thought I was quitting the job hunt. And I was. I pledged 66 days to a new habit. But there was a lot of fine print.
This application is leftover from an opening I applied for in December 2019 (I think). It was with another contracting company, so I thought the hiring process would be more straightforward. So I stuck with it when they contacted me late in Jan 2020.
When I heard the salary was $30k more than I make now, I was a little more motivated.
The first two screens were fairly straightforward, and I was borderline optimistic.
Then that turned into 2 screen with the client. This is fairly unusual when you work for a vendor but it can happen. I'm not a fan because I have such a negative history with interviews.
Well, I had a group interview last Thursday morning. I was hoping to hear something the next day because the recruiters made it seem like the job needed to be filled urgently. As I reflect on the past year, I think that was all the jobs so I probably should no longer believe that. That was one of my problems, job hunting is like a new language. And for someone as a literal as me, it was really difficult to navigate the coded speech.
Basically with each day that passes, the rejection stings all over again. Even when they send the final rejection email, it's still going to hurt.
This is why I gave up the job hunt. The interview prep and the aftermath just totally unravels me.
I say that, but I'm still in talks with a recruiter for another position for which I know my skills are only transferable, and for girls like me, that battle is never won. I've been vacillating with just taking myself out of the running. Maybe?
This should have been over last year, but I wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie.
Parents
My mother sent me an email last night lamenting that her children were unmarried, without a home "of their own," or children. She said these were questions she wanted God to answer.
I wanted to say hmmm... no one in our family actually owns a home...the lender owns the home and they pay the lender. No one's kids are actually doing anything that serves as some major contribution to the world, and no one's partners are all that great. Most are divorced; some have been cheated on; one just hangs around the house and hasn't worked in decades.
It's pretty laughable to me, but all I said was, it's a different time.
Voiceless
These are things that are difficult to me. Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice with my family and the world at large.
Partially because of the way I was raised; I can see a big difference with a colleague who was raised as a single child in America and boy, she can she tell a long story. In my family, love jabs are common. Children were meant to be seen not heard. Even when I went "home" last weekend for my aunt's memorial, there was a lot of unsolicited advice that was meant to be taken without backtalk. After awhile I just said "ok, I will" and "yes, thank you." I know it's meant to be a good thing. But I'm almost forty, and some of the advice is just really general and basic, sometimes bad and often irrelevant. Many times it just ends with "trust God." For me, I need evidence, data points, and actionable items.
Partially because of my status in society, I've felt disenfranchised and unempowered for a while now. And no amount of mantra will ultimately change that.
I think the less I interact with others, the more difficult it is. Their statements stay with me longer than mine with them because a conversation I have today is probably the only conversation I'll have for 7 to 14 days, so of course I'm going to ruminate on it and analyze every word. Whereas my conversation with them is one of many they'll probably have within an hour.
Celebrations
I actually came to write about how excited I was that tomorrow is my birthday! I'll be 36 (#almost40). Nothing is going to bring me down. I've made 2 good decisions in the last 6 months. One was taking the job at Call Center #2. Yes, I almost turned it down because I thought I could do better. Additionally, when I took the job at Call Center #2 I was supposed to be on a 6-month sabbatical that would be ending right around now. Had I stayed on sabbatical, I would currently be unemployed and panicking!
But maybe the butterfly effect is real. Maybe by altering my plans, I set in motion an entirely different outcome. Who knows, but the reality is had I still been on sabbatical and just started looking in the last month or so, I would have no job offers and been really scared.
The 2nd good decision I made was to take a week off for my birthday. What cemented this was last week after a snafoo with scheduling at work, I almost cut my vacation in half. Was I crazy?! Luckily, I slept on it and decided to take the full week off. Praise the Lord! I would have been really mad today to have to go back to work on Monday (instead of next Thursday)!
This application is leftover from an opening I applied for in December 2019 (I think). It was with another contracting company, so I thought the hiring process would be more straightforward. So I stuck with it when they contacted me late in Jan 2020.
When I heard the salary was $30k more than I make now, I was a little more motivated.
The first two screens were fairly straightforward, and I was borderline optimistic.
Then that turned into 2 screen with the client. This is fairly unusual when you work for a vendor but it can happen. I'm not a fan because I have such a negative history with interviews.
Well, I had a group interview last Thursday morning. I was hoping to hear something the next day because the recruiters made it seem like the job needed to be filled urgently. As I reflect on the past year, I think that was all the jobs so I probably should no longer believe that. That was one of my problems, job hunting is like a new language. And for someone as a literal as me, it was really difficult to navigate the coded speech.
Basically with each day that passes, the rejection stings all over again. Even when they send the final rejection email, it's still going to hurt.
This is why I gave up the job hunt. The interview prep and the aftermath just totally unravels me.
I say that, but I'm still in talks with a recruiter for another position for which I know my skills are only transferable, and for girls like me, that battle is never won. I've been vacillating with just taking myself out of the running. Maybe?
This should have been over last year, but I wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie.
Parents
My mother sent me an email last night lamenting that her children were unmarried, without a home "of their own," or children. She said these were questions she wanted God to answer.
I wanted to say hmmm... no one in our family actually owns a home...the lender owns the home and they pay the lender. No one's kids are actually doing anything that serves as some major contribution to the world, and no one's partners are all that great. Most are divorced; some have been cheated on; one just hangs around the house and hasn't worked in decades.
It's pretty laughable to me, but all I said was, it's a different time.
Voiceless
These are things that are difficult to me. Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice with my family and the world at large.
Partially because of the way I was raised; I can see a big difference with a colleague who was raised as a single child in America and boy, she can she tell a long story. In my family, love jabs are common. Children were meant to be seen not heard. Even when I went "home" last weekend for my aunt's memorial, there was a lot of unsolicited advice that was meant to be taken without backtalk. After awhile I just said "ok, I will" and "yes, thank you." I know it's meant to be a good thing. But I'm almost forty, and some of the advice is just really general and basic, sometimes bad and often irrelevant. Many times it just ends with "trust God." For me, I need evidence, data points, and actionable items.
Partially because of my status in society, I've felt disenfranchised and unempowered for a while now. And no amount of mantra will ultimately change that.
I think the less I interact with others, the more difficult it is. Their statements stay with me longer than mine with them because a conversation I have today is probably the only conversation I'll have for 7 to 14 days, so of course I'm going to ruminate on it and analyze every word. Whereas my conversation with them is one of many they'll probably have within an hour.
Celebrations
I actually came to write about how excited I was that tomorrow is my birthday! I'll be 36 (#almost40). Nothing is going to bring me down. I've made 2 good decisions in the last 6 months. One was taking the job at Call Center #2. Yes, I almost turned it down because I thought I could do better. Additionally, when I took the job at Call Center #2 I was supposed to be on a 6-month sabbatical that would be ending right around now. Had I stayed on sabbatical, I would currently be unemployed and panicking!
But maybe the butterfly effect is real. Maybe by altering my plans, I set in motion an entirely different outcome. Who knows, but the reality is had I still been on sabbatical and just started looking in the last month or so, I would have no job offers and been really scared.
The 2nd good decision I made was to take a week off for my birthday. What cemented this was last week after a snafoo with scheduling at work, I almost cut my vacation in half. Was I crazy?! Luckily, I slept on it and decided to take the full week off. Praise the Lord! I would have been really mad today to have to go back to work on Monday (instead of next Thursday)!
Back to Blogger
Originally
published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on 07Mar2020.
Hello!
Perhaps somewhat impulsively, during a little bit of downtime where all I had the wherewithal to do was copy and paste, I moved my published posts back over to my original myearlyretirementjourney.blogspot.com site.
Why?
My domain name was coming due for renewal this month (Mar 2020) and I thought I was just going to renew it. I think it’s only $12 or $15.
And I thought I had actually paid for the hosting (SiteGround) for three years (i.e. until 2021), but I checked my email and realized that’s coming up for renewal in Aug 2020. Faced with having to make two decisions and the usual turmoil that ensues, I just decided to pack it all in and go back to Blogger.
The main purpose, at least that I remember, of leaving a platform like Blogger was for the “professional” look of this site in the hopes of turning it into an income-generating business.
The numbers don’t lie. I’ve generated no income and unless I develop a whole new personality, I don’t see myself doing much more for this blog than I already am. So the income – generator part isn’t going to change.
Okay this is already going on tooo long!
Please head on over to my “new” Blogger site. I hope you’ll subscribe! This site ends on: March 28, 2020.
xoxo
Hello!
Perhaps somewhat impulsively, during a little bit of downtime where all I had the wherewithal to do was copy and paste, I moved my published posts back over to my original myearlyretirementjourney.blogspot.com site.
Why?
My domain name was coming due for renewal this month (Mar 2020) and I thought I was just going to renew it. I think it’s only $12 or $15.
And I thought I had actually paid for the hosting (SiteGround) for three years (i.e. until 2021), but I checked my email and realized that’s coming up for renewal in Aug 2020. Faced with having to make two decisions and the usual turmoil that ensues, I just decided to pack it all in and go back to Blogger.
The main purpose, at least that I remember, of leaving a platform like Blogger was for the “professional” look of this site in the hopes of turning it into an income-generating business.
The numbers don’t lie. I’ve generated no income and unless I develop a whole new personality, I don’t see myself doing much more for this blog than I already am. So the income – generator part isn’t going to change.
Okay this is already going on tooo long!
Please head on over to my “new” Blogger site. I hope you’ll subscribe! This site ends on: March 28, 2020.
You can find me on Blogger: myearlyretirementjourney.blogspot.com
I hope you’ll continue to be a part of my journey!!xoxo
Notes on a Death Date
It was pretty affirming last week when a girl I used to know sent me a box of cupcakes via a delivery app as a token of condolence for the passing of my aunt. She didn't know I don't eat dairy. Thus, I was faced with the task of finding someone to give them to.
I knew I didn't have a friend to drive me to the airport. I knew I didn't have a friend to call in case of an emergency. With my aunt gone, I didn't have a friend to call just to check on. In facing my pending move, I definitely knew I'd be hiring movers because I had no one to bribe with pizza to help with the move.
But now I knew I didn't even have a friend to whom I could give away a box of cupcakes.
How about that?
In handling my aunt's affairs, post mortem, I started to update my beneficiary designations on my various accounts. Did you know if you leave no designated beneficiaries on something like a death benefit (at work) or on checking accounts, it gets paid to your estate. And if you have leftover debts, creditors get first dibs. This is the case, at least, if you're single like me.
Although the only debt I have (sans my surprise medical bill), is my student loan (which is cancelled upon death), I didn't want anything I left going to any creditors or just hanging out in an estate for no one to execute or probate.
Between the cupcakes and "all" this money I've been hoarding chasing a life outside the workforce, I needed a plan of who to leave the good things to.
Dealing with my aunt's affairs (she too died single), I learned a few things. In the case of a single woman like me with no children, let's say I had $100k in assets. Without designated beneficiaries or a will, these things go in order to surviving parents, then surviving siblings.
There's no way I wanted to leave any money I worked hard for to my brother. I don't know why that just got such a violent reaction out of me. I mean, I went ahead and listed him as my beneficiary on all my accounts only because that's where they would go by default, but it didn't feel good.
And it should right?
It's one thing if it's a life insurance policy that my work would pay out just by virtue of my being an employee. I didn't contribute any money to that, so that doesn't bother me.
I just feel that I've been pretty consistent that I don't enjoy working and the thought of having to work to make this money and then leaving it to someone else just made me really mad, unhappy if you will.
My aunt died traumatically, alone, and with $400 in the bank and a slew of creditors. It was very, very, sad. Very, very sad.
I will likely die alone, and I hope not traumatically.
My aunt actually loved life and had made tons of friends along the way; unlike me who gave up that ghost officially in 2015. On the friends and family front, she proved my point. Cultivating and maintaining relationships doesn't guarantee a somber death surrounded by people that care about you. So, for me I've accepted the 'dying alone' outcome.
What I had yet to consider was dying with $400 in the bank. It seemed like the worst possible outcome financially, but now I'm giving it some thought. For if the alternative is leaving it to my brother, then it deserves my consideration.
The tricky part is figuring out my death date.
The first iteration of this in my head had me working my current job for two more years, well two years from when I started anyway. So that would be Oct 2019 to Oct 2021. I haven't fully realized it's actually 2020, so that's why I keep thinking I have two more years.
So two years at Call Center 2 (that makes me instantly happy).
That'll bring me to about 6 years of working life.
From FIRE Tracker, I may have about $225k in investments after 6 years of working.
Remember, I originally started this blog with the idea of working for 10 years, spending half my income and saving half my income; thus allowing me to rest for 10 years, i.e. not work for 10 years.
Ok... so two more years at Call Center 2.
Six years of work.
$225k in investments.
I'll be 37.
At $20k/yr, that'll give me the 10 years of freedom I initially sought. That's 10 years for the price of 6. I can get behind that.
So, from age 37 to age 47, I could be free.
I would spend all my money or at least the bulk of it to the tune of about $200k. And the $25k would be a cushion.
So I would have to die at 47. That's a death date of around late (year) 2031.
Considering I've done everything I could think of doing, I wouldn't be that mad. I just don't want to die tragically. The most reliable way, according to what I've seen on TV is a self-inflicted gunshot wound, but it seems so violent. I talk a good game, but I don't think I could do it.
I had to make the DNR call on my aunt (her wish) and it was horrifying.
Honestly, I just get the feeling I'm going to die young. I don't think the doctor put me back together properly after my surgery in 2018. So first choice would be just to pass away in my sleep, maybe of a broken heart from missing my aunt (not that likely 12 years from now). But maybe from just sheer will (somehow seems more likely); they say our thoughts control our mind right. You can speak life; well can you also speak death?
I don't necessarily want to die of a terminal illness like cancer because it would feel like the choice was taken from me, and I think my natural instinct would be to fight back. It's like getting fired from a job you were about to quit. It doesn't feel good. You feel wronged in some way.
The next question is could I reach $400 in the bank without panicking? I don't think I could. There would be some threshold way before that where I would panic and probably stop enjoying my freedom and join the workforce once more. Ick.
So where's the scenario where I can fully enjoy my time left on earth, without fear, spend all my money and still welcome a gentle death date?
I think I have to decide which is worse, living with $400 in the bank or dying with $400k in the bank??
Incredibly Sad and Alone
A girl I used to know asked me how I was doing. I told her I felt incredibly sad and alone. I cried even just yesterday.
It's been over a month now since my aunt passed away. Here's the eulogy I read at her funeral last weekend.
To My Darling Aunty,
I hope you know I can’t imagine my life without you, and I mean it. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know now more than I ever knew before that I didn’t deserve you.
When people ask me how I’m doing or how I feel, I say fine, but really I feel inadequate. You did more for me than I could do and ever did for you and I’ll live always knowing that.
I remember asking you once, why you took us all in like you did, and you said something to the effect of you were my brother and sister’s children, how could I not?
My favorite memories of you are you smiling and your jokes that no one ever got. All the roadtrips and vacations we went on when I was younger. We would pack the van and eat PB sandwiches at this road stop or the other, always looking for the next Walmart to stop at. The audiobooks.
I remember our first-day-of-school outfits, that we would start picking out by the time the previous year ended. You would either make them or buy us brand new clothes. Same for Easter and Christmas.
I remember Black Friday all day events, and surprises - you loved surprises, and family game nights and the barrels and barrels of discounted gifts for just about any occasion for just about any person. You were always a gift giver.
I remember your sermons. You’re still my favorite preacher.
I remember you staying in a job that treated you poorly so you could provide for us. How could I not?
My dearest darling aunty, you had such a zest for life that even in my 30s, I am not able to emulate.
In John 14, Jesus said “Do not let your hearts be troubled. [..]My Father’s house has many rooms; [...] I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”
The Bible also states in Isaiah 57:
“The righteous perish, [...] and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared”… I hope you are finally spared and freed from poor health, chronic conditions, heartache and misfortune.
The Book of Isaiah also says… “Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.”
I can only hope and I can only pray that you have finally found rest. Love always.
March 5, 2020: Sick
Originally
published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on 05Mar2020.
I have been sick for the last 4 or 5 days. I didn’t go to work the last 2. I’ve decided to lean into Call Center #2’s generous sick and vacation time policy.
I sometimes feel like when I miss work they’re going to fire me. The other day I was actually thinking what I would do if I got fired. I know I wouldn’t recover.
Now that Aunty MERJ is gone and I have this sketch of her life at least from my perspective, I think I’m putting together a death date for myself. I know this scares people, but it’s something I think about often. I think it goes hand-in-hand with planning an early retirement.
More on that later.
Just wanted to update that I’m still alive and sick. These are the moments when having a partner might be helpful. Although when my coworker was sick, her partner still left for the day. I would want someone at my beck and call bringing me food and buying me Tylenol.
I think my Tylenol run on Tuesday took the wind out of me because I got a little worse Wednesday and Thursday.
I hate being sick. I mean who loves it. The one thing I will say is working in the call center at least no work is really going to be waiting for me. As much as I don’t like being on the phones and tried so desperately to leave last year, the call center life definitely has some identifiable benefits.
At the end of the day, no matter what the other millennials say, I’m not one for work, meaningful or otherwise. So even being in talks with another company to move up, it was just kind of hitting me (again) how the next step in my career (or so I thought), would require so much more work. i mean a lot of stuff I don’t enjoy doing – meetings, collaborating, lit searches. So I don’t know why I’m so hung up on pursuing it.
I think I’m just ready to be done with work in general. Right now, I’m thinking two years here (that makes me really happy to think out loud), and just making a run for it!
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