i'm doing well!!

 i was happy yesterday and i'm still happy today! 

what seemed like a year filled with scary unstructured free time... is getting filled up...and i'm loving it! 

i renegged on most of my obligations for this winter due to weather and just the  i-dont-wannas and i feel pretty okay about it! 

i realized i put those activities in place in case i needed it to distract myself from the nothingness. and it felt so good to cancel on them! 

so that's what insurance is... in case you need it.

this re-framing stuff really works when your brain cooperates. 

full disclosure - my lexapro dose is now 20 mg....which is either the standard or the highest... that happened about 2 weeks ago... 

but yeah, i've been able to distance myself from these damning actions and thoughts.. you know how when you eat a cookie while you're dieting...it feels like YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED. or even the thought of wanting a cookie... make you feel doomed...

but hey, guess what, according to my counselor... you reframe and redirect as many times as it takes..

and if you need to cry...cry... 

so yeah...little stumbles don't jettison all my good progress or have me contemplating ending my life... so yay!

anyway enough of recalling history..

it's sunny and bright...and i was really wanting to go get some cinnamon rolls at this local bakery...because a friend suggested it (and i'm trying to reconnect with said friend)...but i removed the pressure and am staying in yet again...and making cornbread...and going to make some hot chocolate later!

so here are all the exciting things coming up for me...

in a week... i go to kenya!! wooot!!

then after kenya, i am planning to resign...

then 2 weeks after that...i'm having my retirement party ...wooo!!

then at the end of april... i'm going on a cruise...to alaska! (cuz that's what retired people do!!)...

and then i'm working a summer camp in california starting in mid june...

and then with that salary i'm hoping to help subsidize my fancy national park trip in september...

and then well...fall is my favorite time of the year... so happiness ensues!!

good decisions recently

- that impromptu trip to dominican republic in the midst of my deteriorating close friendship... boy was that the right call! (how do i know? i'm alive to talk about it!!)

- i'm happy that 6 months later... i still want to go to kenya... cuz you know your girl loves to cancel a plan...

i'm doing a load of laundry from my last trip so i can have my traveling clothes ready for my trip in a week!

yay... anyway... 

just wanted to share my cool wins.

oh the alaska trip is funny because... if all goes to plan with points and shenanigans..i should get what was a $1500 trip to under $200... yay!