i don't know if it's just a touch of impatience or just some kind of weird stress of all the things i have coming up...but just haven't happened yet..
or the loss of friend...
or it's starting to hit the endlessness of my days
had 2 thoughts of 'i want to be dead' in the last 2 days.
momentary, but they happened.
i'm on 20 mg of meds at this point. next stop after this is prozac i guess.
i have to spend my money...can't let my brother have it..
thinking of reconnecting with old seattle fling? he doesn't seem that interested but #secretlove
can't seem to shake that in my 40s
going to be 41 soon... can you believe it!
trying to parent myself as an approach to managing the next 18-20 years...
boy...i'm not even sure where to start...
the task is daunting and overwhelming.
maybe i just get through this day first.
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