So many feelings

 I am having some pretty bad breakthrough feelings....

In no particular order..

- i want to drive my car into an overpass....just to get over this hump

- i want to text people that will hurt my feelings

i want to quit my job

i want to apply for credit cards

i want to message recruiters and ask them to hire me

i want to message hiring managers

i want to confront my grand boss

i want to confront ursula and burn her house down

i want to quit my job

i want to run away

i don't want to do these meetings next week

but i do cuz then i'm done with the hard part

i want to scream - please help me! i have no idea what i'm doing, but then i'll get placed on a PIP and lose my job anyway

i want to work two jobs and rub my hands together maniacally and collect a fat paycheck

i want to stay until end of mar 2025 because i grossed almost 90k in the first 3 months of this year and it would be cool to do it again!

i want to run away, quit my job; cry, scream; i miss my aunt; i miss believing in something; i miss daydreaming; i miss having bigger dreams

i wish i was better at working; why am i so smart yet everyone seems to be doing better at working than me

when do i get to be done

i wish i were ending work on a better note

is it okay to say f*k it and burn everything to the ground

i don't even know what kind of chair to get

the backpack i ordered is out of stock twice

i want to order 2 chairs

i want to order a desk

i wish i were good at something that made me a lot of money

my get away helped; but also my get away didn't help

i worry that once i get rid of work, i won't find more joy; just more things to be annoyed about

it's harder to be walked out the door than i thought

the thought of having to do one more hard thing in this job makes my stomach turn, but what are my options

how much therapy is going to be enough

should i just take more zoloft...i don't need a throat do i?

i cried a bit...first time this year.. 

i don't know what to want anymore

i have more money than i ever dreamed...why do i feel poor...maybe the goal wasn't to feel rich, but to not feel poor...well that didn't work...

or maybe the dream is not having to work again

but gosh, what will i do with my time!

now this feels like a real issue