Does Airing Grievances Magnify Them

 I think it does. I feel like talking about my problems brings them top of my mind and I tend to experience my world through that lens. So then I only remember things that support that narrative.

I decided that this job was frustrating and a constant putting out of fires. I'm anxious and I can't turn my brain off because there is always tedious work to be done.

I tried to lean into their corporate culture of just always being on and submitting average work and moving on to the next thing. I didn't love it because I don't feel like I'm growing that way.

A guy that started the same day as me pointed out that everyone here is really nice. And I thought, he's right. To me it's a bit of detriment because it just takes longer to do things because everyone treads lightly. But I suppose the alternative is worse. 

There's nothing like having a meeting about the meeting you just had.

It's just hard to know if it's going to be better elsewhere. When you hear all the advice of other people's experience, it's difficult to filter. It just makes early retirement such an appropriate goal for me. 

One barometer I use to check-in with myself is, if I hit my FIRE goal tomorrow, what would I do in terms of my job.  In this particular moment, it would make the job more fun because I don't think I would feel this pressure to succeed. Which I don't know if I would eventually hate that. But I think I would be okay living reactively because I would see myself as more of a consultant. I wouldn't be so focused on establishing good process or thinking beyond the moment. 

But in present day, I do feel pressure within myself to establish good processes so that in 6 months we can be in a better place. 

Right now my most immediate goal is to churn out work product until bonus day. I'm starting to second guess my co-worker's thoughts that there is another review before bonus day. Because bonuses are for the previous year. I'm guessing whatever the managers want to award as bonuses will probably already be submitted by now.