Thurs

 Well I successfully completed the 3 day fruit/veggie fast. and lost 5 pounds! weight loss was not the goal but that was a nice surprise.

i'm back to being happy again.

i had a good intro interview with a hiring mgr for the call center job.

i go back and forth with it, so we'll see what they offer.

why i want to go down a level - i love patient centred work and i'd love my nights and weekend back. 

part of me is like you made it... i cheked yesterday and i was 84% of my goal. which is awesome. I think 85% goal will give me a good sense of yeah, this is happening.

i mean i already feel that way. but just when angst swells up, i lose track of it. financially, i can weather a job loss.

emotionally, i struggle with negative job feedback.

therapist reminded me i'm not a child anymore needing to get good feedback to get to stay in America.

Gosh! 

it was just a nice counter to the negative feelings of not moving forward in the other job. but i also saw on workday that the position was already filled, so as suspected, it had nothing to do with me. 

these are the moments i wish i could tolerate zoloft. oh well!

anyway, feeling good again. work got a little worky the last couple days, but it's memorial day weekend and i think i can check out till we get back to the office on tuesday. 

that will feel good. 

i did end up checking balances yesterday and that made me feel WAY better!

i could smile again, like, dummy you're going to be okay.

so in those moments, i want to just float through what i'm calling the free money train. 

so yeah, i looked at different ways to benchmark and milestone my progress...but my mind is just already set on 6-2-26.

i hope more data is revealed that makes this decision easier

- my mgr retires?

- i get to start call center job in october

i'll have to think on what needs to be true....

oh well....

the other thing i did figure out...was i can't 'afford' FMLA with call center job next year, so i can only take it with current job

but if we get 3 months of training with new job....this year...that's enough....

so this year might be my last full year of work...or not...

so many random things i'm trying to punctuage.

later!