Why can't I just buy it?

 I actually just about bolted out of bed. I was trying to sell myself on a cozy day in bed watching movies. But then I wanted to go to my home office. It's where I spend most of the day during the week. 

It's my routine. In this twilight stage I am re-affirming what I want out of life. Life is easier to manage for me with routine. 

Anyway, as I was in bed, I felt like I was ready to buy the chaise lounge and get some cooked African food. But I'm online and have my purse next to me but don't feel that motivated to do it. And I don't know why.

The chair, perhaps it feels like such a long-term committment and with my resident pest, it's just hard to know where I'll be able to spend time. (On a side note, I think I just decided to abandon whatever is in the drawer under the stove. I never wanted to store cookware that close to the ground anyway. I think I'm going to use some plastic tubs and just accept my life in the "cabin.") Maybe that's it. But I'm sitting here spread out between 2 office chairs. 

And with the cooked food, I'm not sure what my hold up is. Maybe because I don't always want to cook. But I messaged her and hoped she would respond before I got offline. Since I was planning to get another expensive bowl of food from the local place, this felt like a cheaper alternative.

I think overall, I just didn't really have a plan to do these things, so I'm not sure how to make it all work feelings wise. 

I do know that unfreezing the credit card makes me feel spendy! I just want to buy a bunch of stuff. It's so weird. Because my income hasn't changed but the magic credit cards make me feel richer, more free I guess. 

So I messaged the cook and am awaiting a response. 

Here was my routine for this week:

Start Focused work in the morning, try to stay on the computer from 9a to 1p

(with the promise that I could do something else after 1p; did end up working later on Monday and Friday)

Read blog posts or other websites until 5 or 6p

Scrounge for food around 4 or 6p

Watch a show/movie from 6 to 9p

Then try to watch something G-rated or family friendly around 9p until I fell asleep. Sleeping on the futon no longer feels like fun. More like achy bones. So I've been sleeping in my bed the last few nights. 

I was so excited to get up and post something, but I feel stuck.