Random impulses

 This morning woke up feeling or wanting to do:

- Buy the chaise, stop letting some rodent dictate my happiness and movements

- Tired of planning and plotting and looking for the best deal; it really just ends up being too much

- Bought some wrist weights yesterday

- So tired of looking for a desk, or finding the best deal

- Tired of plans and rules and structure; while also knowing I need them because the free fall is even more overwhelming

- Randomly looked at apartments and then houses in chapel hill

- Randomly looked at returning to Seattle earlier than planned; flts were only 7k points (which is like $70)

- Even getting macdonald's I had to do research on a $1 juicebox, it's just too much and I'm having trouble finding balance

- Tired of all the tech issues

- Glad there was no homework this weekend, but feel tired for the week already

- This is how it happens and I make no decisions; it all just feels like too much

- Wanted to get that new CC because now I suddenly want to go to Egypt

- What is it with waiting and Nos that I can't accept

- What's the plan for this year anyway? Just to have fun? Date? Fall in Love? Enjoy my 30s? Or pre-40th celebration

Thought about joining a gym; but then had to price assess; so found some activity classes; but do I want to be outside rather than inside

I don't want to make anymore choices. I was doing fine making my own decisions and not feeling like there's a right way, but now I'm back to where I was.  Living in the now but also preparing for this unforeseen future. It's just too much. 

It's like raising kids - with the constant Nos and reminders and check-ins. You have to raise yourself, set boundaries and limitations; and manage the boundaries and limitations you set for other people. It's too much.