I'm a Call Center Manager

 That's it. I'm a call center manager. It's not the job I dreamed for myself. It's not the job I spent 1.5 years applying for, but here we are. 

Once I accept it and get on board with my particular station in life, the easier life will be to navigate. 

I'm a call center manager. My teammates are not ones I would've chosen. I think my boss is a great person but I'm constantly stuck in a reactive state.

This week, despite my better judgment, because I already had it on my list of things to do, I asked her for her vision of what a manager should be able to do. I could tell she wasn't prepared for that conversation. Then I remembered I'd asked her about it before when I first started.

I regretted it. We had 9 minutes left in our monthly check-in, and it just wasn't a good time.

I'm not proactively asking about the salary email I sent. And I'm definitely not brining up any more "what's my job or expectations" conversations. I'm just going to wait for things to fall between the cracks and when she says it a couple times, I'll respond.

It works for everyone else on the team. I will probably feel bad, but I'll get over it.

Without even trying and despite my best efforts, I missed a lot of things (and so did everyone else) with this database migration and transition. It was just thing after thing after thing. I noticed when I ask other people to do stuff, it's half done and the dinosaur just treats everything like a negotiation. The other girl doesn't do it. And the white man does it or doesn't but only at the most basic level. 

And we're all hired and me and the other manager and other managers make the same.

Everyone works these crazy hours. Well the same people. 

I've said everything I wanted to say - pay me more, tell me what my job is. Now, I'm just going to enjoy the ride. It might last the next 6 months, but I hope it lasts for 2 more years until Bonus Day 2023. 

So I took a day off next week as comp time for the Saturday and Sunday I worked.

Right after I post this, I'm going to turn the computer off. 

And then I'm taking the week off for Memorial Day. I realized it's only 4 days (not 5), but I'm taking it as comp time. We'll see if my manager notices I didn't request to use my actual PTO.

Oh well. 

Another self-check I am working on is - am I trying to call someone out? Whether it's my manager, immediate co-workers, or larger team - we all make mistakes; and a lot of it ends up being something that affects other people's jobs. 

That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Why am I making myself the center of the world? Because I don't prefer to function in a reactive state.

It's been one year, I hope I can make it 2 more. But just one day at a time.

I will say, once I declined the Med Info Mgr interview, I didn't look back. No looking back. For that, I'm glad. 

I'm going to eat my popcorn and drink this bitter soda.

I'm going to sit back and watch the fire burn.... still eating my popcorn.

Plan is to stop proactively doing stuff; stop volunteering for work.

The Knowledge project has been moved to the White Man. My Buddy (her #1) hasn't run a report for 3 or 4 weeks now. I decided against picking up her slack. 

I'll have to keep you all updated on how the next week goes. Woosa!