The Thing With Righteous Indignation

 So as you know, yesterday I was going to blow up my life. Then this morning I had an update. 

So Sundays are generally rough. I circle through life and career decisions and personal life decisions. Often times making bad decisions just so I can exit the decision-making loop.

Yesterday, my manager seemed to be taking me down the road where I felt she and her #2 were conspiring against me, so to sort of draw a line in the sand I was going to offer to do ALL the training and update ALL the training decks.

But this morning at around 7a, it seems #2 did fill in one of the 4 weeks to do the training and sent out the invite she was supposed to have sent out on Friday. 

So I don't know what to do - should I still offer to do that? I mean I do still think 3 of the weeks might fall on me. But I feel less like they're conspiring against me and just disorganized. 

Disorganized is less offensive than conspiracy but I'm not a fan of the instability in either case.

And I'd already started on the warpath to reach out about a job posting.

The recruiter didn't respond when I asked what they're looking for - other recruiters have. Hmm. So that makes me nervous. Yes, my mind is already spiraling about all the worst possible outcomes for a job I haven't even applied for! And I also spoke to this recruiter under a dummy application before I was hired internally for another position. I was a little nervous that he might figure it out but given the level of disorganization, I assessed the risk to be low. 

Anyway, so I plowed a head with that eventhough I'm still confused about what I want to do with this team.

I mean not really that confused. I definitely want to leave- just not sure that I really have that option. Sometime in the middle of the night, I dreamed about quitting even with no prospects and just begin initiating The Final Countdown. 

I mean I did already decide this was my last job - it was just a matter of which path I would take once it ended. 

As I'm typing this my manager is emailing me about talking about the training decks tomorrow. Mind you, training starts next Tuesday and we still don't have things finalized!

So I guess my righteous indignation not withstanding, I'm going to do nothing. I know by Thursday or Friday when nothing has changed, I'll be wishing I had said something. 

I guess it's not too late. 

So where am I:

Am I following up with the recruiter about MI Planning job? Yes, I already did but feel a bit deflated that he chose to be unresponsive. 

Am I following up with the incumbent employee about MI Planning job? Yes, she is out today, but I have notifications set for tomorrow. 

Am I following up with the hiring manager about the MI Planning job? I don't know. 

What am I doing about my current job:

    Am I going to offer to do all the training and update all the decks? I don't know. I'm tired of feeling not in control of my tasks and outcomes in this role. I am not a day laborer. I like knowing what comes next. I like knowing what my expectations are and how I will be evaluated. I shouldn't be this frustrated for a job that has such little impact. How does everyone navigate seemingly so well. 

I thought talking it out on the blog would help, but I'm still pretty frustrated. 

Oh, did I also mention yesterday in the Sunday madness, I wrote out about 3 bullets asking for a raise. Gosh! At the very least, for now, I'll only pull the trigger on that Ask if I do offer and they accept for me to do ALL the training and training updates.