The Beginning of Another Wasteful Saturday

 It's been at least an hour of just clicking around my computer, sweating the small stuff. What have I accomplished - zilch. 

Instead I'm focusing on what my co-worker is not doing. I'm stewing about the Basic Bonus. I've opened a few documents and clicked around and when the mental load was too much, I clicked out of it and let my mind wander.

I just can't drag myself into my home office this morning. It's cold and I just don't want to.

So I brought the laptop in my room. I said, well if I do anything today it has to be work-from-bed.  It's not working. 

So I shut the laptop and then immediately opened it. 

What do you do when you have work to do but just can't or won't do it. 

That's where I am. Churning for the bonus made this decision easier. Money is a motivator. Even if my buddy got 115%, I would be motivated that my number was higher. But I know that's just a red herring.

Am I really going to have to make 6 to 12 powerpoints on short notice? I think part of me just wants to see this car crash ahead. 

My manager has sent at least 2 emails for us to review the decks that the training workstream created. No one else has done it. 

My Buddy is off next week and I know her White Man direct report will just say he did it, but either won't do it or will do nothing that requires work. 

No one has really filled out the training schedule she's asked us 2 or 3 times to fill out - except me. 

My Buddy was sending out a training invite, but I didn't receive it. 

In the grand scheme of things, this is pretty small, but somehow very magnified in my mind. Get over it, little girl! 

I'm just a bored, discontented child in this moment. 

I'm not getting any answers so I feel stuck. Or the answers I'm getting don't jive with the direction I thought we were headed or that make that much sense or just seem like harbinger of duplicate work to come. 

So I guess today is going to be an unproductive stewing Saturday. And oh, look another 30 minutes just passed!