I don't want to make any more mistakes

 Ugh. 

I'd actually had 2 not-bad days in a row.  I went to work, did my work, and didn't say anything I shouldn't have said. Not bad.

Then today happened. Apparently I told our vendor one of the programs they support was ending and I wasn't supposed to. 

So much for being a model employee. I'm tired of not being great at this job. I know I'm not bad at it, but I really wanted to knock it out of the park.

I haven't cried yet, but my eyes keep smarting. I  WANT TO GET IT RIGHT ALL OF THE TIME. When do I get to have the Midas touch. I want everything I touch to turn to gold. 

I don't even know if I can feel any worse. 

Why do I even hope for anything more than this feeling. 

I have 2 uneventful days, and suddenly I think everything will be good again.

Stupid, stupid woman I am.

I need to find the EAP number. 

I don't want to have to call them. I know if I call them it's going to turn into a crying session. My ears are tearing up again just thinking about it. 

I want to be done with this life already.