So, I got another affirmation this morning that I'm being left off conversations that ultimately impact the work I was hired to do. It is more than likely an oversight since I just started 2 months ago, but my Brain has been on high alert since the first instance of this happening. My goal was to give my best for the 1st 3 months before reflecting and deciding on a path forward.
After recurring instances of being the last to know about things, my Brain couldn't help but adapt. It slowly started to inch away from "my best"...and more towards working smarter. Do the most visible thing you were asked to do. I mean this change is barely noticeable to the casual observer as it's been more a mental shift than a difference in output.
It's annoying to me to be asked to execute a task for which I was not part of the decision making process. It's annoying to be asked my opinion about something last minute when everyone else had 100 days of conversation about it. It's annoying to feel left out, when I'm trying so hard to fit in.
I feel myself closing up and mentally preparing an exit plan. It's just something more to think about if I am required to move to my work site after COVID. I'm not in the mood to fight to be seen or heard. I'm just not. And I have essentially been trying to "suck up" to my boss, but it's not a battle I can win. I don't think my prayers for making a positive significant impact (in the first 6 months) will be answered.
I think I'm just being patted on the head and carried along. It's okay. I am okay. It shall be okay.
I just am beginning to believe I don't need to try so hard.
Don't tell me you want to showcase me but leave me off important business conversations and decisions. I think I'm hurt, but it's okay. Something I verbalized the other day - the more stuff you leave me off of, the less I have to do.
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