i am not a patient person

 waiting is the worst...sometimes..

i have nothing but good things coming up, yet i can't help but anxiously await them

in this moment all the game play and scheming is taking up more mental space than it seems worth it...

at the call center, i'm holding out for another 10k...which honestly doesn't seem like all that much money... not for 3 months of my life when i could not do it..and be financially okay

but the job is easy and my rational mind like money...

i think there is a part of me that wonders what i would be doing all day...and why aren't i doing it now...but i can't multi-task..

and i am looking forward to the boredom for new ideas to appear...it's a bit of a risk cuz all the bloggers are saying to have your routines established ahead of time.. yeah i just don't think that's going to work for me...

i need to see the blank canvas to be inspired...

but yeah, i've been wholly uninspired to use my downtime...i mostly spend it plotting ways to do less work...

i don't know how people can have affairs or live double lives...

i distinctly enjoy living out loud...

i can't live in secrecy anymore...

so yeah....hanging around...for potentially $50k across both jobs... maybe...

i think there is also a part of me that doesn't want to let go of the bonus gig until i'm completely done with the main gig...

ugh...a reconciliation of feelings...

i literally just want to fast for a week...and then enjoy feasting for the rest of my life...