i made a decision

 things at the call center just have gotten on my nerves

i was trying to tough it out

reach yet another financial milestone

i was questioning the tenets - if i have enough, do i need more; when you win, stop playing

why am i torturing myself 

is this a bad situation or am i handling it badly

the answer to that one was yes

but also it didn't matter

it didn't matter that my co-workers can withstand it

the thing that matters is i can't

i wanted to be mentally tough and not let the villain win...i guess

but i also realized today in therapy that i was treating this as mental health daycare because my other job was making me anxious (i'm on freaking mental health leave and had to up my dose just to get through the day!)

this is about where that started... my therapist asked me that and i couldn't think of it...

but the widget job was a slow burn of aggravation...

while it was helpful to get data on the situation from other team members perspectives...i don't need the aggravation...

this is a terrible day care that needs to be reported...i wouldn't send my kid here...

the thing with insidious things is that it doesn't bum rush you..it seeps in...not all days are bad...

and we're so conditioned to take the good with the bad...

i challenge that... if i don't have to take the good with the bad, in every possible way..i'm not going to!

i've bought my freedom..

i don't believe in signs...but the algorithm has served up 2 bad work situations...

i think i need a break from work..

i'm confident if there's something else that tickles my fancy i will know and act on it...

honestly i was also echoing the fears of others...what WAS i going to do for 4 months if my last day is tomorrow?

but time will tell..

not knowing is not worth the aggravation..

this is a crappy mental health daycare so i'm noping out..

the only thing i think is...

i'm like 85% confident that if i put in my resignation, my dumb boss will exert her dominance and end it early... so am i ready for that limbo?

i was going for dec 26...but i think i'll just go for Dec 4. and be done...

i'm not ready to be wondering which day she's going to use to fire me...

so yeah...

i choose me, i choose my mental health

onwards!