What is making me so sad and anxious?

I thought I had a great weekend and I've been enjoying the random influxes of free money and low call volume at the Call Center where I work.

But this morning I woke up grumpy and anxious and sad. And I'm not quite sure why. I know something is not quite right when I actively engage in my doomsday habits. I haven't brushed my teeth in a couple days; yesterday I refused to draw the curtains; I ate cake after 8p. I have this permanent scowl on my face; I started compulsively searching on Indeed for new jobs (didn't apply to any, but came close).

I have a brand new roof over my head; I have my job (which requires so little of me); I have plenty of food.

What is swirling in my head right now?

  • I haven't been eating that healthily, mostly just what I want = fat and sugar.
  • I might be a bit constipated.
  • Contacting and waiting on HR to update my address with Benefits Administrator.
  • Thinking about contacting HR about my WFH stipend.
  • Filing Amended taxes.
    • Figuring it out.
    • Printing it.
    • Writing a check/money order.
    • Going to the post office to mail it.
    • Waiting to see if it's accepted/rejected.
      • Dealing with it if it's rejected.
  • Figuring out how to withdraw the excess HSA contribution from 2019. 
  • Waiting to hear back from Wespath regarding my aunt's death benefit.
    • Them giving me even more pushback regarding who is actually on the beneficiary list and trying to figure out how to honor aunt's wishes there.
      • Just the impending doom of another fight with them (Wespath). 
    • Do I tell the mother of the deceased beneficiary? I don't feel compelled to really share the money with her or her other kids. I'd rather it go overseas.
  • Had accepted the tacit rejection from the latest Big Pharma interview, then got a check-in that said my candidacy is still pending (i.e. still no job offer). 
    • This recalled old rejections that started out this way.
      • Which I often feel compelled to counter with more applications = vicious cycle.
    • I've been dealing with this same recruiter since January 2020, and with this company since Feb 2019; why can't I cut them loose! 
    • So now I'm back to Anxiety Square One. 
  • Is the friend I was trying to shake off brushing me off?
  • Why has my other aunt not been as responsive lately?
  • Should I still take my 2 days off this Thursday and Friday considering our workload is so low or just tack it on to my October vacation?
    • Am I really going to Spain in October?
    • If I get this Big Pharma Job, that'll be 2 free days off!!
So, naturally I'm going to do nothing.  Probably eat some more fat and sugar; turn a blind eye to pending tasks; and wallow in self-pity. 

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