Some money, life, and housing updates

So I just posted about my new investment changes I'm implementing. I feel like this whole year so far I spent a lot of time thinking about money - moving money, making money, saving money, money-hacks.

Money update
The last bank bonus I was trying to get was with a small Christian Credit Union, and they have me jumping through so many hoops and creating so many log-ins. Not a fan! Luckily the last 4 days of work have been very manageable, so I've had time to jump through the hoops.

I updated my 2020 Budget spreadsheet, and as of March, I've spent about $8,000 on housing so far. Of which, $3,000 was rent for my old place and the rest was related to my new house (that I have on a lifetime lease from the bank).

In total I've invested about $135,000 in my lifetime, and it's currently valued at about $125,000. Ouch.

In other money news, I've opened a few checking accounts and hope to earn at least $1,000 this year in bank bonuses.

So far, through the pandemic, I'm still employed. Praise the Lord!

Life update
I scheduled quarterly check-ins with a total of 4 old pals that I reconnected with in 2019. I don't even know if I should call them friends. Colleagues? In 2019, I had hoped to have that instant friendship after years or decades of not talking. That didn't happen. I sort of wanted to let them go, but I realize every now and then it's nice to have a check-in with someone, just to get a pulse on life outside myself, I guess.  Since the check-ins are mostly virtual (think email, text, or chat), it feels moderately low-risk. So it's a good compromise for me.

I spiraled a little bit yesterday after not hearing back from the Delaware pharma job. The salary she quoted (not offered) was a little lackluster but still more than I make now, so that plays a tiny part in my desire to do nothing in terms of follow-up. I think the reasonable part of me says I should follow-up with them, but the emotional part of me is screaming: pick me!! The fractured part of me is saying oh, well, this affirms your ordinary life in this ordinary house living an ordinary existence. I don't think anyone I know personally even knows my new address. Just bill collectors.

In my spiral, I applied to 3 jobs online.  I broke my rule of getting out of the job market, but I just needed an outlet for my angst and the assumed rejection.  I also rafted an I-reject-you-before-you-reject-me email to another outlier I never heard from; it was a contract company so that rejection stung a bit. And I think I'm breaking an unspoken rule and sending it to the client directly as well. But I'm doing it as BCC because part of me knows it's wrong and I don't want the contract company to know. And to compound that, the client is actually the Delaware Pharma company who the other interview was with but for a different job. I know very convoluted, right! I self implode during a rejection crisis and especially when people ignore me.

Closely related, as much as I want to be comfortable talking about money matters, I think when people are making more than me or the same as me with less qualifications or education or "smarts", it makes me think I "deserve" to be making more. It's prideful, I know. Well that's another trigger identified. So when people are in jobs I think I could do better or I didn't get and are making more than me, the spiral continues.  This is why I told myself not to apply to any more jobs until I could properly heal and recover from the 2019 Rejection Crisis.

Housing update
I got a futon couch! I'd originally mentally budgeted for something nice, definitely comfier. But with Covid, going out shopping is a little difficult. I found something at Walmart that I was able to touch with my hands (but not sit on), and it felt soft enough for a temporary solution. It's not that soft in reality, but it'll have to do.

I finally changed the shower head and the water pressure is like taking bath in a puddle. So I'll have to change that again.

I've used the oven twice now! It's Good Friday, so I'm hoping to have some nice breakfasts this Easter weekend.

I think that's enough for now.