Today, I'm happy and free and...being 40 is awesome

 i just had BM...and i only document this not to be gross but i struggled with GI distress for so long, so anytime i'm able to go...it's freeing and liberating!!!

talk about small happy moments

i'm starting to get excited about camp again instead of anxious

i'll meet people and get free food and room and board and not only will i save money from not having anything to spend it on...but they're paying me! it's a winning proposition...

and my booty is getting fatigued and sore from all this sitting anyway!

so it's friday...and no work for me...it's just incredible to me not having to clock in anywhere....

yes, the need to Do Something persists...but luckily i'm in sloth mode and while it addles my brain, but my bones are find staying put

it's fun being already packed because i just count down the seconds

i'm not sure why i'm always looking for assurance and confirmation...but the simple life is for me to my core..

next up (probably in 2027)...is streamlining my clothes...it'll probably be at the next move but i still struggle with rotating clothes in an out...

because i end up just wearing the same thing anyway...

but maybe it's like sidewalks and parks...i like having them around even if i don't use them...

it's a vibe...well if that's the case then no stress in keeping them around...

it's like being invited to a party you know you can't attend...the invitation matters!

i'm reading ' a well trained wife' about some woman who fell into the christian wife role too hard...but then you see her sister turned out normal...so was it the church or was it her?

just like abusers must have some mental dysfuntion

do the abusees?

cleary, you know when something is wrong but what part of you atones it...to reach some light?

i don't love blaming it on the church...although I DID THE SAME THING.

i can't pray anymore because it makes me anxious and i feel freer not depending on it..

i don't want to say anymore lest i spend the day ruminating on that..

i keep checking my email hoping to hear more about arrival day but i guess...that's it??

i don't know.

i love a mental health day...

i love having the next year to continue to recover...

anyway...

1 more day until i leave for camp!