back from kenya

 hi, i had a great time in kenya!

men are still gross. i wish they would stop hitting on and propositioning women. one of the women on the trip said, oh it's nice to be hit on every once in a while.

i do not feel this way. i am not someone that values male interest the way women are programmed to. i'm alone in this. i just wish i didn't feel a need to scream it from the mountain top (i don't do that but i want to).

being in my 40s is even better than turning 30. i know i'm middle aged an really an 'adult' now.

i have to enjoy life or it's just going to slip away. 

i don't think i'll enjoy being 70 or 80.. but now that i know people in their 50s and 60s... it's interesting... 

so i got propositioned by one of the tour guides.. ick. luckily nothing physically dangerous happened. 

i travelled with a couple...well it was my trip and i let them know i was doing it... remembered being a 3rd wheel...is not for me..

this will be a good reminder when that strong urge to plan a group trip happens...no couples.. 

i saw what my future might be like with adam...and luckily it was undesirable.. i need a break from taking on other people's anxiety....

my 40s are for me - growth, freedom...mostly freedom...

i don't know if it's anchor bias or because there's less  options...but i don't feel many qualms about resigning...what's funny is my new manager is acting like i'm coming back in full force...i think a part of me kind of figured they knew what i was up to...

oh well... the market's  down...but i know i can trim down if needed...

and also... despite the haranguing... i'm still going to push through until something very strong changes my course... in terms of the market i mean...

but yeah... feeding a giraffe with its warm tongue and its expectant gaze... made me incredibly delighted.... i wanted to stand there forever and give it a hug...

other things..

once i can figure out feeding myself... that will be one more thing i can automate and take off the thinking shelf...

i thought about going to paris because for the first time since i moved here... i wasn't ready to come back... not sure why... there weren't a bunch of activities lined up i guess... but yeah...i had a flight cancellation...and i thought... i'm only a couple hours away from paris...let's do that an extend the trip.. 

but i didn't have my jacket... so i also didn't want to be miserable.. i don't regret either choice...

but it's a thought... 

i am kind of ready for my next adventure...