Ghosted and generic advice

I think when you get to me my age, you get to nope out of generic advice. I got ghosted by a recruiter and I saw it coming. I was about to send them a nasty gram and then a day later they sent me an invite for a 2nd round of interviews, and then I never heard from them again.

Like a rookie, I followed up with them 3 times. Because the dumb advice I got was ...'you never know.' You do know. After 40 years and 100+ applicants, you do know! There were a couple of one-offs that led me down this path, but I can guarantee you it won't happen again.

Luckily, I had already given myself permission to not engage in these entanglement for awhile. So I can't say I'm too mad about it.

I think work is monitoring our keystroke because I just saw a pop up about performance management being logged. So, back to rodeo.

Just wanted to reflect on generic advice. My Maryland Aunty also said no to an interview after scheduling it. Why put yourself in uncomfortable, emotionally taxing circumstances if you don't have to.

This did linger a bit longer with me than it needed to. But now I know for sure, sure. Because you can AND do know, folks.

Phew. Well with all the scarlet lettering going on at work, I'm sure I'll be back on the interview trail before too long. But such is life.

I'm employable. 

Until then, I've been enjoying some pretty great days. And with only 2 months left of the year, I plan on keeping it up as best as I can. Toodles!  

I love my life!

 Remember when I used to wish one day I'd be able to say that. Yep, I feel that. And it's a Sunday, and it's gloomy outside, and I'm alone! And I have work looming!

But I still love my life right now. I hung out with people almost everyday this week. I went on an adventure to a Native American Museum. 

I ate things. I love having my expanded monthly allowance. I don't have to worry about how much things cost. I can more easily choose convenience.

I was making a shopping list and ordering stuff on Walmart app. And the convenience items were quite a bit more. At first, I tried to figure out how to do it for less. But then I just clicked the single serve things. Cuz my life is fast moving and I want household chores to be as convenient as possible, yes this includes feeing myself.

And the more I talk about reaching my leanFI number, the more confident I become in my projections and ability to care for myself. It's like it makes it more real!

And the realization is affirming. 

It's funny when I was dating and had to answer the question of what you want in a partner... I used to think kindness...and one of the examples was someone who would think to make you a sandwich when you were too busy to ask. My neighbor did that and I was so busy I didn't take him up on it. But next time I will!

So yeah, I found a friend. I won't let him know that of course. Because...human.

Anyway, I love having money and social activities. And I'm even learning to appreciate hanging out with people without having a strong connection or seeing them again. Talk about living in the moment! This is more about me and socializing and less about forming lasting connections.

I'm just out doing the things.

And it's awesome.

On to eat my donuts!

Feeling restless, alone, and in need of some affection

 Work definitely adds to some stress. It increases baseline stress because I'm still learning my job. I've been wanting to contact a boy ghost from the past just to feel some sort of attention or affection.

Grrr. Maybe it's the cozy weather. Maybe it's hanging out with a male friend who shows no romantic interest in me. 

I don't want to go back to that place.

My energy is low.

I don't want to go dance class today. I was right about Mondays. They are tough to get motivated to do anything. But so are weekday evenings. 

4 events a week are fine, but I need to streamline the days. 

I haven't quite adjusted to all the outfits and preparations. 

Sweat through an interview and lived to talk about it and other revelations.

 I just got through an interview and was called out on my resume, but I refuse to change anything. Something still thinks the hiring manager might hire me. But I won't hold my breath...not too long anyway.

But it did bring about the though exercise of what do I do if my job gets eliminated or I have to go into the office. 

There are many different scenarios, but the two basic ones are;

If let go entirely: I already said, I'd look for work for a year and after 1 year without success, consider myself early retired at whatever my account balance is. I already know I can make it on $20k.

Scenario 2:

Remote work is eliminated and I'm required to return to work: I initially thought I'd just move back to the lower cost of living place and buckle down until I reach millionaire status. But now that I have a good thing going and if that continues, I am toying with the idea of going back to Call Center work, if I can get it rather than moving. It depends on how far away I am from full FIRE. 

If it happened say the end of the year, and I had to relocate by Jan 1, I definitely don't want to move. I might try to do a hybrid since I technically could stay with Maryland Aunty. It would definitely be an interesting solve. 

Scenario 3:

I think was returning to Call Center work if I could find it. I would pick Call Center 2. I just don't know how easy that would be to get, but only time will tell, I suppose.

Revelation

But I think the revelation is to try to go the next 12 months (in Newtown, especially) without job applying. I've been saying that for 3 years, and while I haven't gone crazy, I'm still applying and subjecting myself to the emotional rollecoaster of the job hunt. No bueno! 

So since job hunting seems to be on the horizon (timeframe TBD), I think I deserve to give myself a real break from the hunt until it's absolutely necessary. I hope that it doesn't get there, but I tried without the pressure and still couldn't really break into it. 

I think when I do have to look again, I will probably try for both. Call Center and Widget worker. 

Onward to enjoy my life!

Also, friends, I booked my trip to South America. After all the iterations, I decided on Christmas week in South America and in a family friendly hotel...oh well. It's all inclusive and sunny. So I chose a trip outside the US vs Miami. I chose South America vs Dominican Republic. I chose South America vs Europse. I chose 1 week vs 2 weeks. I chose 1 destination vs 2 destinations. I chose 4 days vs 3 days. I even chose to buy separately vs a package so I can easily book a transfer. I chose travel protection vs not. And I chose a family friendly hotel because that was the only option in South America. And I chose South America over adults only.

And given my new workload for the rest of the year, it will be a welcomed vacation.

I also chose a week off right before the week away to do nothing. My schedule is empty. There are no hosted events or structured activities. I hope to stay busy with the hopes of relaxing in South America.

Toodles!

Dragging

 I love a cool morning with nothing to do...but it turns out I have quite a few things to do. I have to figure out a way to not carry around my personal calendar in my head. Once I know I have a ton of things to do, I can't relax. I need a reliable way to be reminded of my events externally. Working on it... 

The sun is out so I'm feeling a burst of energy. Thanks, sun!

With a potential work task looming, I'm feeling quite inspired to book my vacation. From Miami > DR and Panama > Portugal and Spain... now I've settled on 1 week of nothingness + 1 week in Panama for under < $2k. 

It's a good compromise. And I'm tired of thinking about it.

Turns out I need to go register my car. Ideally, I'd be able to pay with my new CC so I could meet the spend bonus, but here we are. 

Off to my errand list! 

Sunday check-in

 I went glamping and it was fun. I didn't realize how much my cabin cost until someone asked. Oh well. I just figure if a stranger can cost me more money, why not enjoy this money. 

As for mood, I feel mostly good all the time. I have a permanent happy sign on my face. I love living in Newtown in my puppy apartment and all.

I'm socializing but not making deep connections, and that's actually okay.

I am #sololiving and it just takes the pressure off so much. Interactions with The Others just go unnoticed. I'm no longer as aware of my race. I just exist and I'm just living.

I feel like a college student except for regular life. It's fun.

I'm social. I'm active. I'm alive.

I'm spending tons of money.

I've absorbed my new car expenses.

Every now and then I crave intimacy and then it subsides.

I made a fast friend, and that's awesome.

I have 3 regular activities that I'm a part of. Um, friends...do I have a hobby?

I look at my life and think...wow is this it for the next 30 years...and it doesn't make me want to cry. I don't necessarily want to live forever, but doing this for the next 30 years doesn't make me weep. 

I have lots of things I want to try again. And that's a good feeling. 

Like Europe. I opted out of it for this year, but next year, I might want to try an extended fall.

Again spending money. I decided to spend my leftover TBD money. And go on a silly vacation for December. 

That's all for now. 

I woke up happy

 I woke up happy. I shed a few tears because I was sad my aunt wasn't here to see it. I'm not sure if it's just a mix of things, but I feel good and happy.

Last night I hung out with a group of folks at Korean BBQ. I went on a tour and hung out.

I think yesterday was a weird day at first because the weather changed and I just couldn't get warm. But with a warm shower, a change of clothes, and some hot food, I felt tons better. Oh yeah, and 1 ibuprofen.

That's all folks.

I'm having a good town in Newtown with a few hiccups like my apartment and a car I don't particularly care for.

The change in weather did make me re-think where I want to go for the Christmas holidays. Gosh mid-October is already next week. I hope I have my new travel card by then. I'm trying to shelf the December vacation for now.

I did spend a bit of the morning re-thinking my car purchase. But I'm back to baseline again. I owned a Passat wagon at some point, and the internet is saying it was even a few inches longer than the car I had now. So while I've been driving my Fit for 15 years and used to it, I have some evidence, that I was successful driving a long car.

Anyway, that's all for now. I started with high hopes of getting a lot of laundry done today, but stopped after 2 loads.

Feeling good

 Yay, I got approved for a travel card! I just went for it and I got a really high limit. But to avoid any issues, it was sent to my old house, so if it does get forwarded, I won't get it for another 2 weeks. Well, I hope my relative can at least give me the info I need.

So I'm debating on waiting for it to book travel or not. Last night there were some good rates. I could get a 1/2 business class ticket added to my flight for a total of $2k. 

This is how this starts. I start with a low budget, and by the time I start adding stuff  I'm back at the budget I was trying to lower. Shnikes.

Everytime a flub happens at work, I wonder if this will be my last flub. But the mistakes are minor and yet seem very major in my head because of job insecurity.

So it makes me want to spend less.

But on the other hand, I'm about to be 40. If not now, then when?!

I spent $67 to get my makeup done today and it was not worth it. But luckily, it showed up well on camera. So that helped make it suck less. I won't be tempted to do this again. Oh well, I had my makeup and photo shoot and yeah it's definitely not my thing.

I like things that make me feel good and comfy. Eventhough I bought a bunch of makeup and clothes for what I thought was going to be a Spring/Summer in Seattle, at least I know post 40 I won't need makeup. I found a lotion that has SPF and the cleanser works just fine as well, so I'm all set.

And I'm starting to figure out what clothes make me feel cute, comfy, and confident. Always dresses! and stretch pants.

The couple tight dresses are the last I'll ever buy. They're so hard to get into and out of. I'm at a good transition in life. I just wish I were a little bit better at my job so I could feel some job security.

I'm finding I really enjoy spending money once I get over the initial shock.

So right now, I'm abandoning 8 days in Panama and Dominican for 2 weeks in Portugal and Spain. The European branding is at work again because the DR just doesn't scream luxury to me. Eventhough it's the same brand of resorts. They are 3rd world countries after all. Maybe 2nd world? I'm not sure.

But the European countries were actually a little cheaper to book, at least the hotel. 

I'm just so pumped I got an AA card. I'm trying not to try to game it for this year and maybe just plan to use those points next year. Although I don't have much planned. 

I did double check last year's weather in Portugal and Spain and we're looking at mid 60s to low 70s, so not the steam of the Carribean, but a bit warmer than year. I'm fine with a cool breeze. And yummy food.

A week is more than I wanted to spend, but c'est la vie. I wonder how many things I can download to pass the time. There will be a lot of sitting around. 

I've been out enjoying life (and budget updates)

 Hey, friends! Yesterday I went to the state fair and it was fun. Nice warm breeze, not too many people, and all the fried things.

It was a bit of mildly hectic day waiting for one of my endorsers to sign off on a document, but it's all solved now. Yay!

I still have 2 things to deliver by the end of the week, but they should be fairly painless. I will likely wait until the last minute.

Yesterday was a sleepless night because of the trains but I slept with the windows closed last night and was able to sleep until almost 7p minus the coughing. I think it might be heartburn as I used a second pillow and it stopped the coughing.

I love fall weather! It's dark and gloomy and chilly.

Today I have lunch with another human, which will be nice. 

I have to stay on top of my laundry with all this going out I'm doing. 

The money problems weighing on my mind - the car payment! and also what to do with $600 health and wellness stipend.

Well once the information came about the car payment, I automatically just added it to my existing BillPay and just like that it was solved. Prior to this I'd been hemming and hawing about my current BillPay platform not tallying up my balance. But I used a spreadsheet to calm my anxiety and that helped alot. I have it pinned to my toolbar so I can easily access. So I've essentially drafted next year's budget. It has new housing expenses and new car expenses. And we're right around $2700/mon. Yowzers! This is just bills. This does not include food, etc.

I think I'll still keep my Car Fund just in case. But suddenly I let go of trying to game the interest rate and just chose easy. With the spreadsheet and being able to name the account with the monthly expenses (so I can remember), that helps mitigate some of the anxiety.

So I'm sticking with that as the short term solution. So I didn't have to make any changes and just continuing as is.

As it stands, I can keep up with the monthly bills now and when I frontload 401k next year. It'll just cover monthly bills and my monthly allowance. Yay! So money worries averted. 

Phew! You should've seen the notes and different scenarios I was running. Sheesh, and then one spreadsheet of expenses later, all is well. 

I think keeping my living stipend in the car fund is good for now. I don't know yet if I'll add Bonus 2024 Money to it, so we shall see. I think right now I'm loosely just thinking it'll be nice to have a 1 year running start should anything happen with my job before early retirement. And that's as far as I've gotten.

But I also hadn't run the numbers to know I could cover the car expense. So it'll just be a nice safety net for the time being.

I'm also taking a break from churning for awhile while I go out and live life. 

So that's my update, friends. 

Sunday a.m. check-in

 Claiming solo living is invigorating. I can see so much clearly now. I just feel less anxious about forming relationships because I know they're not essential for my survival. I can give credit to the medication. 

I talked with one of my relatives who is quite a bit judgmental. I used to think she was in my invisible audience but it's like now I can see her clearly for who she is. We used to hang out a lot and I think some nostalgia played into trying to re-establish a relationship. But when we talk each time I'm happier every time that our conversations are far and few between. There were some things I could've said to put her in her place, but it's like...who cares. We'll maintain a distant family relationship as we don't really find occasion to be in each other's company on a regular basis. 

Being removed from my old environment (and with medication), it's like my vision is clearer. My perspective is clearer. 

I was nervous about befriending my old neighbor because I was unclear what his intentions were. And I also didn't want to fall into old patterns of accepting male attention at any cost. I'm not really interested in being anyone's therapist or ear and getting nothing out of it.

But I think the last hang sort of solidified an older brother ish type relationship. And I don't have to worry as much.

Again, #sololiving. I have a lifestyle that I've chosen and it really, really helps. I think just not feeling like I have to defend it. Or looking for somewhere to fit in. And the more I meet people, the more I say it, the more real it feels.

Again, just another example of removing myself from a traumatic situation has made a big difference. 

Since I ended up going to my new place to try place yesterday, today I'm going to try a new to me fastfood joint. Easy, peasy.

I updated my spreadsheets yesterday, but didn't do much reflection. I'm still deciding how I want to fund the Car Fund. Surprisingly, I was in budget for food. Entertainment and Vacation are all over the place. 

Oh, also, Gate 1 had a sale on Australia, that turned out to be a pretty good deal eventhough I'm not local to LAX. So I will keep an eye out for anymore flash sales. It's been a few nights now and I'm still defaulting to my 2 short jaunts over the Christmas holiday.