Watching the sunset

 It's orange hues and beautiful. Happy Friday to me!

Life is good. Even if in 1 minute my house burns down and I'm paralyzed. In this moment, life is good.

The train noises are a part of my life. I have a flexible schedule so I can absorb the sleep disruption for the short term. But I plan to move when my lease is up. 

I'm glad I met my neighbor. He's high energy.

I got my car yesterday! And I'm already getting used to driving it. It's a behemoth compared to tiny car. I hope my stuff fits on moving day.

Making plans for December. Right now the default is 2 quick jaunts to a couple all-inclusive resorts for a baseline total of $3k. Having seen more impressive trips on Gate1 for 3-4k, it's been hard to swallow. But those are sold out, so my clicking around hasn't changed that. 

Counting travel days, it's about $3k for 8 days and 2 countries. None of which were high on my list. But it's warm, it's all inclusive, and I don't have to spend the holiday week alone in my apartment.

It's not quite the deal of 14 days in Spain and Portugal, but oh well. I am still navigating. It'll be a lot warmer at a resort anyway. I think I'm just a bit bummed at the price. 

But it's less than the $5k I was allotting for December in Miami. That has kind of lost its appeal a bit, I think because I don't live in my old home. Being alone for a month doesn't hold the same appeal. So for now the trip to beat is Panama and Dominican Republic for 3 nights each at $3k.

In other news, I am toying with the idea of using my living stipend to fund the Car Fund. I'm still deciding how I would document that in my spreadsheet because I'm sure I'd already mentally spent that money, but now that it's almost in my hands, things are changing.

As for the car fund, I really try not to think about it, especially not in a whole sum. My brain has settled on $5k for a 6-month runway, and then maybe trying to get $10k from Bonus day and going from there. I'm all but decided on keeping a separate fund in a HYSA to help mitigate that crazy interest rate. 

I'm even thinking of getting AirTags because my neighborhood has a lot of vagrants.

Also, umbrella insurance. 

That's enough for now. 

I decided to be happy anyway!

 I've been fretting over job insecurity but this morning I was reminded that I already had an exit plan prepared. It did not account for my new car payment, but it's there none the less. 

As I saw my $700 AirBnB bill, I smiled a bit. It's 2 nights in the woods, and I went for it. I get to be in the woods with my new community and stay in a fancy cabin. And the thought made me happy giggle. 

There's still the background thought that the car accident could've cost me more than my car and $30k (ie, my life). I didn't have any immediate regrets or bucket list items I suddenly had to do, but now I splurge a bit more. Because if Honda can take my money, then I can certainly use it on myself for $5 Funyun flavored chips and swanky cabins in the woods.

I decided to put my worry about my job on the shelf. It will definitely be an ego beating and right now I am hoping to just make it to Bonus Day 2024 just to have that extra cushion to take the sting out of the car purchase. 

So I'm going to play the game as best I can and hope there aren't too many bumps along the way. I hope to be in a better place once that cushion comes but even without it, I'll be okay.

I'm okay. I'll be okay. I have 4 decades under my belt, the next 20 ought to be a piece of cake!

I'm just excited with all the new adventures ahead.

I do feel quite a bit subdued with the new medication but I'm liking the benefit of thoughts (good/bad) just not lingering. 

I've already socialized and gone out of the house this week. And I didn't die! Imagine! 

They just announced GrandBoss' replacement and it's not Bruno which is great! 

Oh sweet, I just joined another meeting because I was tired of our group meeting and I see another colleague had the same idea! 

Also at the dentist, the dentist affirmed that my gold crown was a good choice, unprompted. I was questioning it because it was self-destructive emotional decision. Yay!

And just overall, I like the community I'm a part of here even though I'm not fully integrated. I feel a bit like the chosen few and a bit like a celebrity.

I decided to prioritize finally settling in over the next week before I leave for work trip next Monday. I plan to watch episodes of Below Deck. 

I'll prob still keep it simple, but I need better access to my clothes.

Last night I slept with my mask on and did not wake up coughing. I took it off and just now feel a tickle in my throat.

Anyway, today I feel better overall about my apartment, work, car, and life in general. 

I've also been looking at what I want to do for Christmas. There was a sale on a European trip over Christmas that got me a bit excited. Europe isn't high on my list, but I realized I liked the idea of being not-here over Christmas. It was sold out before I could make up my mind, and then I accidentally stumbled upon a 3 country SE Asia trip...might save that for a future.

I went through all the RIU hotels..and the cheapest is a trip to Panama over Christmas week, but it's a family friendly hotel. And everyone will be out of school, so not sure I want to be around gross kids. 

Oooo...maybe I go to Panama first week of December just for the fun, and then return to Cabo to the adult only hotel over the holidays just for sanity. So that should be around $2500.

Also was tempted for an epic 1 week in Senegal for about $6k...so we shall see.

I think priorities that rose to the top of list: warm, get away over Christmas, no kids. 

Sunday check-in blahs

 I have counseling in 15 mins on a Sunday. I wish it were 5p, but I'll give it another week. It just feels like I spend all of Sunday waiting for it. 

Maybe I should go back to Mondays. I don't know.

Not sure the last time I blogged. Without as many anxious feelings, I don't feel like getting my anxiety out via blogging.

I've been social at least twice this week which is great. I think last weekend I even sat outside and read an entire book almost in one sitting. Definitely in one day! Haven't done that in awhile. But the weather was so nice!

I'm excited that Newtown has provided me an event calendar so once I get plugged in, I'll have things to do even if just for the sake of getting out of the house.

Don't know if it's the Sunday blahs but I'm feeling hints of job insecurity. And Co-worker wants to make me feel better, but I still feel it. Especially since I was kind of right about returning to work and my last position being eliminated.

I'm thinking of seeing if I can do the project management certification course as well. Got the idea from co-worker. I'll email my boss on Monday.

I just want to have options. I don't think I can sell myself as a Widget worker doing what I do now. And for whatever reason, I don't see many jobs for what I do.

It's just a weird transitional time at work, and I hate the limbo. Especially with a new car payment. I spent quite a bit of mental energy trying to work on my numbers.

Gosh, I'm lucky I have a padded saving account. Honda wanted $5k in downpayment. Plus insurance was about $1200 for 6 months. (I paid $600 for the YEAR in my old car!). And I still owe another $1500 for tax, tags, licensing, so that's just annoying.

I had to appease myself by writing out all my anticipated expenses for the year and my anticipated income. 

Without savings, I'd be in the hole! 

Granted, this is given that I'm still sending about $3k to investments, so maybe I don't need to be so anxious. Because the other option would have been just trying to get another used car and hope for the best. 

I just hate the car dealer making so much money off me. 

And I've been having weird GI symptoms. I don't know if the water is making me sick or what!

Just another case of the blahs. 

Wed check-in - Car troubles

 Well, I took my trek to Walmart yesterday to return the ballet shoes. I liked that it didn't take all that long. I was this close to getting my car, but none of my cards worked for some reason. I'm not sure what else I can do, so I'm kind of starting to abandon that idea.

The dealer in Newtown has one coming available in October, so maybe I'll just wait for that. 

I've expended as much mental energy as I have right now for this. Time to move on. I thought about renting a car or taking the bus/train. There's no train station in my town. And the bus doesn't return until 9p which is too late for an important meeting I have this evening.

So, unless I dare to go and risk not having a ride back. I think I have to move on.

The only concern is getting help for my back. And possibly some vaccinations. I'll look into the clinic nearby and see if they can help. I will see about taking the bus to dance class, and if my dentist is not accessible by bus, may need to reschedule. Oh well. 

Progressive comes to collect my car tomorrow, so then I'll really be without a car. I feel wholly unbothered at this point. What a rocky first month in Newtown. Oh well, I say.

I plan to unpack and such now. The next availability isn't until November, and cool weather is coming, so it's time to tuck in.

The only other thing that came up is a weird email from Work about 'talent discussions.' I feel uneasy, but not much I can do about it except try to be as involved as makes sense. But I do feel some job insecurity.

I haven't heard much from the car people and the business day has started, so I'm not feeling particularly hopeful. Oh wait, there goes a chime! Let's see...

Well it's the sales rep, but still no links. Like I said, I'm mentally moving on.

I love fall, so not all is lost. Once I get another burst of motivation, I'm going to tidy this place up and get ready for winter and yummy baked things! 

Sunday Morning Pontifications

 I'm trying not to think too hard about the accident last weekend, lest I spiral.

But I do have some thoughts of what if I had died?

Without spiraling too much, it does make me feel less feelings about taking on a $30k car loan. And it's making me want to swing for the fences for my apartment.

I know for sure I don't want to renew my lease in the space for next year, but I'm on the fence about what to do for this year. Right now, I'm loosely thinking of stalking the 2-balcony property for their next availability. And hope to get in there by April/October (cool weather months). 

It's technically only 6 more months until Spring. Which doesn't seem that long if I live until I'm 60, but way too long if I died last Sunday.

Oh well.

I'm not too pleased with how my money gets distributed after I die, but here we are. 

Fri Sep 15 check-in

 Welp, the apartment I was lusting after is no longer available. And the move-in date wasn't until November! Oh well, it was the only one I'd identified as good return-on-hassle. I guess I will keep suffering here in the doggy den. 

And my last day with Katie Therapist is Monday.

So then I'll be really alone with my smelly, hairy apartment. And a $30k car bill.

Luckily, after accounting for my charity giving, my medical bill, and paying off my birthday trip, I still have 10k as a downpayment for the car. Wheee! But there goes any big December plans.

But I think for now, I'm just going to start a Car Fund account and shuffle money there. I'd like to have at least 1 year's payment in that account. It does make me feel more tied to my job, though, which I don't like. 

My sinusitis has traveled down to my throat, so I'm sure a cough is coming. Freaking humans. They ruin everything!

I had some pretty snazzy events planned for this week, but I guess it's another taking it easy week. 

Luckily, last night I was able to map out my work over 3 days next week, so that should be very manageable, given I'm not too tired to work. But I hope it'll be okay. 

As for the car, once I get confirmation that it was structurally damaged, I'm leaning toward prioritizing safety. And part of me will eventually be okay that at least new car will be taken care off before retirement. I'm not sure how a $30k bill would have landed after retirement. So this is fine. 

I'm still figuring out my plan for paying it down. I'm trying not to think of it as a $30k hit. If I focus on the $36k/yr plan for the next 3 years, I should still be able to hit millionaire status in the next 3-5 years. 

Anyway, I initially thought of doing a $10k downpayment, that way I'm only financing $20k. That somehow seemed easy to swallow. Easier, anyway. But now I'm thinking, just funnel that $10k in a separate fund to pay off the car for the next year, and maybe even insurance, if it's astronomical. That might help with the psychology of feeling tied to my job. 

As for interest rate, ideally, it'd be less than or equal to current savings rate, so under 4%. If that's the case, then I'd feel less inclined to pay it off next March. There is a part of me that wants to keep my LTI as long as possible. So maybe this year, I'll load the $10k. And next year, I'll earmark $10k of my bonus for the 2nd year payments. 

I have 3 accounts that are above 4% savings rate, so if I can get a loan rate less than that, that would make my plan go down better. 

Let's say, I'm a lot more on board with a new $30k car loan than I was on Sunday when the accident happened. 

Plus, not paying a big chunk helps me keep my cash and morale. I want to be at 65% of target at year's end. 

So yeah, that's where we are.

The apartment I wanted is gone. So of course, I want it more now. But it also means, I'm more likely to stay here for the duration of my lease.

My therapist likes to remind me that this is only a short term solution (this applies to many things). So with modern medicine and technology, I can 'make it work.' I just wanted to be done with the making it work part of my life is all.

Oh well, that's where I'm at. Money problems, health problems, work problems. And the wheel keeps turning. 

Sep 12

 Good morning friends! It has been quite a week since we last spoke. I made it to Cabo and ate all the things. May have mistakenly freely given my information to the black market. Them the breaks I guess. Then went to a personal finance retreat and got in a car accident on the way back. I hadn't updated my contact information with my insurance company, so I'm on pins and needles to see if they'll honor my claim. 

And I'm pretty sure I've developed allergies to whatever is in this apartment. It's DEFINITELY not heartburn making me cough. It's allergies. There is discolored mucus and lots of post nasal drip. Summarily, I'm miserable.

I did find another apartment that is making me excited but it's not available until November. Yoinks! There is a default one I could make work if I needed to -ie, if I'm near my deathbed I guess.

 I went ahead and sloppily covered the most suspicious vent with dryer sheets. The aim is two fold - mask the smell, and trap whatever allergens might still be coming out of that vent. I would've preferred used dryer sheets so that the fragrance  and whatever film was on there would dissipate, but desperate times. 

It's cool outside, so I opened the windows as wide as they've ever been. Not sure what's going to happen when it gets warm again. 

I missed dance class yesterday because I was not healthy enough to go.

I don't have a car!!! It's weird because I kind of thought this day would come, and now it's here. It really sucks not having a car or a desirable place to live.

And not feeling well - my apartment is killing me!