My job is beach

 For whatever reason, late last night, I just decided to accept my life and reframe it. I've been looking for some good marketing to help me see my life differently and couldn't really find it.

Yes, I want the best possible outcome. But I have 40 years of data now. It's not happening. I have a great life. I get to do what I want everyday. In 3 years, there's a very high probability I'll be able to retire a millionaire. Sometimes it's overwhelming thinking of how to fill my time for the next 40 years, but then that feeling goes away and it's replaced by a new feeling. 

Sometimes, I'm going to make terrible choices. But I'm alive and I don't break the law. That's the basics. Having fun is and taking it easy are high on my priority list. 

There are 3 trips I've been unsure about. 2 are structured camping-ish trips. 1 is a trip with a family.

The first camping trip is in September and I was unsure about driving a few hours down the road and if I would really enjoy it. It's been awhile since I enjoyed being around large groups of people. Then I read some reviews and I think it might at the very least be...okay. I have to remind myself I'm free to go at anytime since I'll be driving. 

I just have to let go of all my rules sometimes, it's crippling. The discomfort is going to sneak in as long as humans roam the earth. 

So for now, I'm going to the September retreat. I vacillate between actively trying to make friends and passively being open to it. And so that'll have to be okay. I'm just a girl!

For the second trip, I think I'll go to that one as well. I want to be in the woods, and I'm not sure how to do it. 

Then yesterday, the algorithm led me to 'we're solo living.' It gave me some good verbiage to help describe my situation. One that stuck out was - I'm probably single because I enjoy being single. I knew this at 17 thinking I was the one born in the wrong time period or that I was wrong. And because people treat me like there's something wrong with me. And thus I needed to fix that something. At times, I feel like I need to live this extraordinary life to make up for being single. But how ludicrous is that. I'm not deficient. It's just a different lifestyle choice. 

I can live an ordinary single life. And now that I'm pre-retired, I spend a lot of time in the supine position. Mostly with my eyes closed. Just falling in and out of sleep. Not super great or super terrible. Just is. 

People stopped keeping score of my life long, long ago. And so those compartment windows are creaking shut. I have one more interaction this week with someone from my old life and that relationship will slowly fade into the ether. Sigh. And I'm not bothered. And there's an interview they're doing for me, which I was unsure about, but I'm happy to outsource that anxiety and result. So that works out well. 

I'm kind of ready for this next mile marker. One more week and I'm on the road again! 

P.S. - I love a cool breezy morning! 

Still a bit restless...

 Well, suddenly it's 5p. So that's a good thing. I got my hair done, overcharged per usual and not quite what I want.

I'd already kind of decided to take a break from braids so I'm not too bad. 

Really, friends, life is just better for me when I get the good things I want.

Oh well. Was having a bit of trouble getting over the nonsense with the hair stylist, but here we are.

I did some laundry because I was quite smelly.

A little bit excited about things to come.

Wish I would ...just.. lost my train of thought.

Oh, stop being nervous or angsty about things I have to wait for. Been thinking about this hair appointment all day yesterday and most of the morning.

This week should be another light week, at least until Thursday when the team meets again. So that's good. 

I was thinking of doing Pilates one or two of the days this week but with all this head of hair, I'm not really feeling it. 

I'm annoyed, and anxious, and scared. And I'd really rather not be.

Compartmentalization - Never and Always

 Yes, the vivid dreams continue friends. But I've had dreams like this in the past so I can't say for sure if it's the meds.

I think I just completed Week 3 or 4, and I don't feel much different. Some days I'm excited about my move, other days I want to hang off the balcony. So, there's that.

8 days until I move! Wowzers.

I'm getting kind of excited in the I just kind of want to get it over with already, kind of way. I made most of my appointment. Signed up for most of my activities. I still have an eye appointment to make and some old appointments to cancel. I guess I should make a primary care visit at some point huh? 

There's not much to do this upcoming week. But lots to do when I actually move - mostly, appointments, events, and change of addresses. I really have a case of why I need to consolidate accounts, but I already kind of decided to just wait until I reach my final financial target. That way things have a chance to rebound. I thought balances were on the rise but they've slumped back down, so that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. Good thing I didn't get too carried away.

I have a hair appointment tomorrow. I think I'm giving up braids for now. As much as it saves time after the fact, the sitting for hours to get the braids in, and the sitting for hours to get the braids out is just not my jam. I'm only getting braids now because I already bough the braiding hair. After that, I might just stick with blowouts, as un-humidity and water friendly as that might be. They're more wrist friendly.

This morning I woke up with a list of things I'll NEVER be/do:

- A child star

- Someone's mom

- Call someone mom

- Call someone dad

- Have a close relationship with a mom/dad or brother/sister

- Be a best friend/ have a best friend

- Be a CEO

Some things that will ALWAYS be true:

- Graduating from college 3 times

- Be a doctor (not an MD, to be sure)

- My aunt's favorite

- independent

- a free thinker..mostly

- nomadic - lived all over the US

- saved half a million dollars in 4 years (even if I lose it all, I still did it)

The list seemed a lot more interesting when it was occupying mental space. I spent way too many hours this morning trying to edit a PDF. Finally had to rely on a paint and snip. The basics! For the most part, I'm looking forward to my next live. My next adventure.

I've been trying to make plans past the next 12 months, but that just doesn't seem as fun. 

I hope I make it to all the recreation activities. I've booked and paid for 2 vacations. And there's two weekend getaways I'm still mulling over. 

Also, I think I'm starting to take my job hunt a bit more seriously. I do still feel some air of job insecurity because I'm not that great at my job. I feel this because I didn't do well on the writing test, so that knocked my confidence down a bit on my ability to be hired doing this job again. So now I feel some level of desperation even though financially I'll be okay. More than okay, to be sure. But we all know I struggle when things don't quite go my way. And I literally already went through the exercise earlier this year of what would happen should I lose my job.

Even with 2 parachutes, jumping out of a plan before you're ready is scary!

I wish I would stop fretting and just enjoy this time and this adventure, but that's hard won.

I'm hoping once I'm more active some of this anxious energy will dissipate. 

The coughing continues. I really don't know if it's allergies or heartburn at this point!

I can't believe next week is my last week in Summer Housing! Yowzers kids. This is really happening!

Today brought to you by - I like my life!

 Today is another episode brought to you by - I like my life!

I'm still sleeping on the couch. Oh boy, I love that cool morning and evening air. It's been stormy here in Southerntown. And it feels amazing. Is there anything better than being safe and cozy in your home during a storm.

Windows still open. It really feels like fall here, and I'm not sure why. Isn't August supposed to humid and muggy. Not today!

Good weather makes me very happy!

I ran some more errands to the tune of 90 minutes.

At this point, I'm just trying to game the system.

I used old name to try to get a discount. But to get another discount, I have to use new name. So I'm trying to find a workaround.

Actually it's not a discount, the second one. I'm renting furniture and to get a student/faculty discount I have some of my old IDs, I'm hoping to use. But in order to have the furniture insurance removed from the furniture rental plan ($18/mon), I have to provide proof or renter's insurance. Butttt, my apartment is in my new name and so is my renter's insurance!

Obviously the bigger discount is the student discount, but it sucks to pay for something twice! Grrr.  But I just tried to enroll in a community college, but I don't think I'll be fast enough. I guess actually, I have time because I can do it after the fact, so there's that.

So that's what's been taking the last 90 minutes. Wait no, I can't do it after the fact because the lease is in OLD Name. Double Grr. So yeah, not sure. I have until Thursday to cancel the lease, so we shall see how this works out. 

And BILL.com canceled my account for unknown reasons. Red flags!

Oh well, I can't be bothered!

What's making me happy today

 I just sat outside for some minutes, and it felt awesome. I love having a balcony and watching people. I like the cool summer breeze on a warm day. It just feels awesome.

I feel like I'm cheating. I'm outdoors without having to leave my apartment!

Gosh, I'm just going to try to soak this in. 

I have most of my task list done for my move to Newtown.

10 days folks! 

Whoa!

So I got Panda Express. I forgot how generic and bland it is. So I'm going to try to eat it 3 times so I feel like I didn't waste my money. I'm concerned about how well it will re-heat, but I think if I can use the oven it should be fine. 

I also got some toast for this gnawing feeling in my gut.

I talked to a work colleague that helped pass the time. 

I eat way too much sugar but oh well!

I think I should be okay with the rental furniture. I found another way to get a little bit more of a discount. If I can add them to my renter's insurance I can get the fee for their consumer protection plan taken off, which is great. But it's in 2 different names, so that might cause an issue. But I looked up the FAQs and parents can rent for students so I'm trying to simulate that scenario.

The movie I planned to watch just did not catch my attention.

I think I have enough food and sustenance to make it to Day 10. 

I've planned or looked into quite a few activities for the the Fall Semester. I almost feel overwhelmed, but when I look at the actual calendar it's still a lot of days and only a couple activities a week. And really my doctor's appointments are once a year, so it's not as though that's going to take up lots of time. Ideally, I'd want them all on the same day so I don't have to be poked and prodded multiple times, but that might not work out.

I also think I'm going to pause PT for now and see how my arm feels with ballet and another physical activity like Pilates/Yoga. 

I also found a hotel for my roadtrip and overall adjusting to the couple day delay in my roadtrip. 

10 days folks! Whoa!