I did it! It's here! It's happening!

 I'm ready, friends. I had picked an arbitrary number to FIRE to after reaching LeanFI a few short years ago. It was round and impressive.

But work-life deteriorated rapidly. And the market shot up! So the 2026 retirement date, I'd set quickly tumbled into view.

I was a little bummed I wouldn't quite reach this loose goal, but mostly because it was being taken out of my hands by a crappy situation at work.

But between now and then, I've come a long way!

I've just about completely let go of the money I won't be getting as income because the market has returned beyond my wildest dreams.

I have a modest (<<I kid) source of secondary income.

And honestly, I could retire now with out it.

So, yeah, kids, you heard it hear first... I didn't have complete control of the date... until I did. I'm done working for money!

I don't need this job and it's bad actors.

I have 2 years of FIRE stash saved up.

And 1 bonus year of fixed expenses saved up...that's why I thought I needed to earn an income for at least 5 more months... because I wanted to have just that 10 months of income for fixed expenses without feeling rushed into FIRE.

I looked at my cash an hour ago and realized, I have it already! 

So yeah, call center 3 can take a flying leap!

it feels awesome (finally). for some reason, even with my cushy FI safety net, and knowing I could leave the job, i still felt attached to it for some reason...

but with some masterful re-framing and market returns and medical leave.. I feel I have regained control of the wheel...

and now if someone jerks it away...i'll be shocked and annoyed...but like they say during a stick-up...it's just a car...don't fight back.. they can have their stupid job!

I'm free.

so for the most part i'm hanging on for kicks and giggles and made no plans for any of the call center 3 money.

i will work on my second income stream for a few more months ...honestly just because i don't quite have anything to do yet...and winter can be quite dull...

so yeah, i'll be free for good in Mar 2025...

in the last 72 hours..i considered an elaborate conversation to ask to be laid off with severance; considered filing for worker's comp and or short term disability for my bum wrist and shoulder...

but those were all tied to magical unpredictable outcomes...

and yeah, no thanks!

i'm hoping with some PT near the end of my career my arm will be mostly usable again and without having huge keyboarding tasks ... i am hopeful it will be fine

whatever comes my way that can be solved financially, i can solve! 

i can't believe i'm finally leaving work....

i'm even considering a withdrawal that will give me anywhere from 26k (super lean) to 60k...(when I'm feeling spendy)... i don't ever want to be stuck in scarcity again

and to be honest, the thought of retiring on 40k...felt very scarce...but just giving myself the flexibility  to spend more if i want... havin the CHOICE has freed me! 

oh the brain is powerful!

so yeah... kids... we're doing this...

Things are getting clearer

 I woke up happy in the midst of what could be serious emotional turmoil.

things that are happening at work are decidely unjust

but fortunately, this isn't the first time

fortunately, i've positioned myself well financially

and emotionally

the 2 places where it hurts the most

the more my numbers go up, the more confident i feel

and i can reframe my call center 3 experience in enough ways financially, where i still come up ahead

i want to fight back; i want to make them pay

but when this happened during pharmacy school my cries went unheard

so i have the data that this not a fight i can win...at least not that way

i can win by keeping myself safe

i can win by pursuing FIRE

i can win by commiserating

i'm so tempted to apply for paid family leave just to get back at them

but i will stick to what i know i can achieve

free paychecks

i'm such a small fish anyway

i'm just too awesome for people not to see my shine

i'm going to be okay friends

i always was...

i will say the mental load weighs me down quite a bit

so that simple things just feel like too much

like i can't switch off...

i'm so glad I found FI

i'm so glad i was able to stick it out and get more money

i wonder what my future life obstacles will be

a monday

 today is a monday where i felt a bit of trepidation checking my widget email. i'm not sure what that's about.

i think the more i vocalize my early retirement date, the more real it feels.

went to my first FI meetup in person

it was cool to talk about FIRE with these people

i will say, i am starting to feel that FU money feeling

it helps when the market goes up

i cycle through quite a range of emotions

there's some feeling of this will be the year the US turns into a communist country and all my accumulated wealth will be for nothing..

my neighbor hasn't been staying over...and i feel remarkably calm about it...i think my mind is pre-occupied with getting through these next 5 months..

just 5 months people...

i was really tied to the payout at j1, but as time goes on...i'm slowly letting it go...

because I can FI with or without it...that's probably a combination of having enough (or being comfortably deciding i have enough) and just market returns...

i totally forgot i was just continuing to see how long i can last

i forgot and got tied to a particular outcome

i bought my freedom a while ago...why was i still suffering?

humans....

i don't even know where my old notes are to myself...but they'd be fun to find...

I feel scared and free at the same time

 I'm moving forward with my plan. And admittedly, I had a bit of nervous stomach this morning. It's weird sticking up for yourself.

Feelings are also weird.

I felt weirdly loyal to a company that I don't think has treated me well. Funny, how quickly I forgot how bad I felt when I was crying and had to up my dose and start taking prozac.

now i'm made to feel like i've left them in a lurch...hmmm that programming runs deep

i do feel like i'm lagging behind on plans and life

like i'm still waiting for something bad to happen

like i'm going to get caught with my hand in the cookie jar

i am just starting to get comfortable with the idea of taking early retirement

not feel undeserving, or rushed, or not ready

then my brother gets sick and looks like he might have stroked out

can't even toilet for himself

what is going on in the world...

how interesting..the two times i try to take off work to take care of myself my family needs me..

is this life?

i feel behind on life and work

and just need some space to gather my thoughts in one place

i feel...

still stuck in survival mode somehow

i literally feel like i have no bandwidth

i know people say that...

but i'm at the point...where i can't form one more though, solve one more problem, or complete one more task

i want to curl up in a ball and wait for it all to be over