early retirement, month 11.5

 Friends, I'm gonna try to type this with voice typing.'Cause that's how I talk to ChatGPT and now I'm just used to it.

So month 11 1/2 has been great, Ultimately having financial freedom, there's nothing that beats it. It's almost like. Just having a place to live, right? Like you were not homeless, but you were housing insecure and now you just have a place to live, there's no question. So once that need is met, then you're worried about kind of like the furnishings. Inside, like trying to make it pretty, trying to find comfortable furniture, trying to find things to eat. I would say that's what it's been like for me. Obviously I feel financially secure, but furnishing the inside has been a little tougher than I thought, 'cause sometimes I'm just like I want the bare bones and other times I'm like this couch is too hard. Probably 'cause it's recent, but January was probably my hardest month emotionally and psychologically. I just come off a cruise. Maybe it's the weather, I don't know. Umm

But yeah, I had a a more than a handful of blue days where I just was feeling kind of blah and mad. I was. I had a moment where I didn't know how much money worked. It felt like a lot. And too little at the same time. So I think just. The IT hit me of like, Oh my gosh, like I'm not going to have any income this year. So I wasn't expecting that because I thought. In 2025, I had only worked for three months and I had I was living off savings for the rest of the year. But somehow it felt different to actually withdraw money, so that was interesting. February I think was a little bit better. I did end up continuing therapy once a week where before I was doing every other week. But then by March I'm down to three weeks every once every three weeks. So that's telling of where I am if I only calm down. I think once I went through the month of like seeing the money work and really not paying attention to the market, that helped. This week I had a little bit of a financial. Not a wobble, but like a realization of like, yo I really am gonna be OK 'cause oh, what I should say is that. There was a time in February where I was just used to traveling, but I wasn't sure if I had enough money to travel. So then I applied for a job. They finally got back to me and I was interviewing and it was terrible. And then. But luckily I don't. It wasn't, it was not a match. I think it was more impulsive. It really was impulsive because I couldn't even picture myself having the money. But I don't even know what I'm trying to say. The point is, I did run through some scenarios of like where I'd finally be comfortable and I think. Getting to 1.5 at 6% withdrawal would put me at about 90K and that felt meaningful because I could withdraw more than I ever made. Working in terms of what I could spend. So that feels like it'll be a nice little milestone to hit if I ever get there. But then I just kind of went back and was like, dude, you're fine. Like I feel good. I don't actually need the money for travel as much as I thought like travel still is like. A luxury, as much as it feels a part of me, it still is like a luxury. It's an optional luxury and the travel I'm doing. Is international like I can still explore and. Find value in growth and freedom in my surroundings. So once I was able to kind of recalibrate. Umm, it felt different. So like going into March.

Going into March, it feels. A lot better. And I finally made a spreadsheet because that was the other thing. Because all my money was like assigned, I started to think about different ways to view my budget.'Cause I just didn't really know how much money I actually had. To spend. And so I just felt like it was just easier to just save it and not spend it. And that's the opposite of where I want to be. Umm so I made another spreadsheet of like this is a sign kind of the you need a budget. Way of looking at it like this is a sign and then when I save money on an assigned category, I can see more easily how much is available. It's not it's probably like 40% of what I need because the problem is like future money that's assigned because in this year for example. My big trips are at the end like the fourth quarter. So it's hard to spend that like vacation cushion until those trips are over. So that's another. Factor that I didn't really anticipate because when you're working well, I have savings goals. I think in the back of my mind, I always knew I could like pull up on that lever if I needed to. But now it's like, no, this is, it feels more finite, I guess I could say, which I mean, in reality it really isn't. But like, this is what the math shows. Like you need to spend this much money. So it's both freeing and limiting at the same time, which I think is a position I didn't anticipate.

Umm. So yeah, I just wanted to update that. But yeah, this March is going swimmingly in my area. It's spring break. So I finally was like, oh, let's just have a spring break and I'll just think of March and April as like a 2 two-month spring break. I don't know, Yesterday was just like a great day. I woke up and I was like, I literally have nothing to do. I don't have to check in on. I don't have responsibilities to anyone. I don't have to get out of this bed if I don't want to. I can eat cookies for breakfast. Like even my rules to myself, I'm like, no, I don't have to do any of those things. And those are the moments that I thought retirement would be like. I thought I'd be like that every day, but surprisingly, it's not. I mean, I still don't have those obligations, but I don't always feel as free as I could. Like I have to remind myself that it's real because I'm still wired to wake up in the morning and do something.

So yeah, ultimately Charles and I are working on this year of just like nervous system unwiring, which isn't something I thought I needed to do, but it's been cool to just spend time with myself and try to understand. My decision making, where I'm coming from, I'm making progress incrementally, but also in big ways and big impactful ways.

When I'm beginning to appreciate is that it's not just like a one year thing. So I'm kind of giving myself three years of runway. Like even thinking past 2027 of like trips, my mind is blank. I keep trying to force it and it's just like Nah girl just relax. So. I know people always talk about like living in the present but it's hard because I'm just planning for the next thing.

So yeah, that's my update. I don't think I'm going to go back and. Revise this 'cause I hate doing that, so if it doesn't make sense, sorry. This was all verbally transcribed by a computer. So yeah, what's the point?

I feel good overall. I'm developing a different relationship with my money. It's a different feeling coming from accumulation to decumulation. I'm pretty much all of the cliches of early retirement. I mean, overall I wouldn't. Not be retired. It really is the best for me. I was surprised by how much nervous system work I need to do, but it feels good to have the time and the space to do it. Umm

What's new is. I'm more open to going back to work than I thought. I have more things I wanna do that are different than what I thought. Like I really want a balcony. And as much as I thought I would be happy with just a lean fine number, I really enjoy having more money. I guess that's not a shock to anyone, but I'm not one of those people who's like, I'm just as happy on lean FI as regular FI now. I think I'd be happier with more money.

Repeat myself at this point, so. Let me get off this thing. But I feel like I haven't really hit home what I'm trying to say. I spend a lot of time just falling down rabbit holes I guess like last. Not last night, yesterday. I spent a lot of time on buying groups and was like so ready to do it. And then this morning I was like, that feels risky and a lot of mental energy. I think it doesn't help that my resident. Churner is like buying groups aren't what they used to be, so that kind of took the wind out of my sails. I thought I'd stumped upon something like, amazing. So anyway. That's all for now, Toodles.