it just can't be the place

 i'm realizing that youtube just can't be the place where i document my life after FIRE. because, hapily, it's just not splashy enough. not headline clicking. and in this calm moment, that's more than okay. 

but i do love sharing information. my ears perk up. being able to share information that helped me to help someone else is one of my life's joys.

it's why went into teaching.

and it turns out ...just like that venture... this one is failing.

because for me the sharing of the information enough. i'm not overly concerned with the packaging. even though i one hundred percent fall for the marketing, it's just not in my nature to bamboozle people.

and my intentional but not so intentional effort to stop trying to help people has actually given me some perspective. this is offline in real life. people don't take my advice. so i'm at this kind of everlasting crossroads... do i say something or let it be? people really do figure it out.

and the 1 in 1,000 chance something i say actually causes someone to make a change... um... not quite enough.

i choose stability and dependability. 

although... last night someone was asking about 'screwing over their employer'... and i shared the fmla information...

now i have an idea for a post. 

i know i'm not long for vlogging with the lackluster results, but i'll keep going until the engine putters out.

and for past me.. thanks for overturning every rock and then repeating that process. you have laid the foundation for the future stability i need. i no longer have to do that.

and even when i do... or want to.. the past me that suffered reminds me of the pain. and with as little shame as i can muster, i move past the moment.

we did the work, past me...and we get to linger in its fruits... whatever that means...

mostly i'm trying to figure out how to share my FMLA secret...