Does this make me a bad person, she asks rhetorically. I was thinking of 3 casual friends that are still somehwat in my social orbit. Namely, we exchange emails once or twice a year. I remember there was a time when I would have so many ruminating thoughts on how I could be there for them.
But then I remember my years in the Dark Place all alone still reaching out for anyone to help me; anchor to me; feel my pain with me. And as far as I can remember. I did the majority of the hard stuff alone. And as we all know from this blog... I ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT.
So i reserve my compassion for myself. When I hear a troubling situation from someone else... I have a small panic of gosh, what will they require of me now...and then I do almost nothing. It's not my problem to solve.
There once was a version of myself who knew pain so deeply I wanted to do everything I can to alleviate that for someone else. Now, I don't. I let them be as they are and I for the most part skip away. I can't be mired by anyone else's bad luck right now. Troubling, right? But I had to get through it on my own...and you will too.
Sorry, if you don't make it. Another one bites the dust.
I want to play in the light. Even if that means doing it solo.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.