I don't care that much...

 Does this make me a bad person, she asks rhetorically. I was thinking of 3 casual friends that are still somehwat in my social orbit. Namely, we exchange emails once or twice a year. I remember there was a time when I would have so many ruminating thoughts on how I could be there for them.

But then I remember my years in the Dark Place all alone still reaching out for anyone to help me; anchor to me; feel my pain with me. And as far as I can remember. I did the majority of the hard stuff alone. And as we all know from this blog... I ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT.

So i reserve my compassion for myself. When I hear a troubling situation from someone else... I have a small panic of gosh, what will they require of me now...and then I do almost nothing. It's not my problem to solve.

There once was a version of myself who knew pain so deeply I wanted to do everything I can to alleviate that for someone else. Now, I don't. I let them be as they are and I for the most part skip away. I can't be mired by anyone else's bad luck right now. Troubling, right? But I had to get through it on my own...and you will too. 

Sorry, if you don't make it. Another one bites the dust. 

I want to play in the light. Even if that means doing it solo. 

why i'll never be a points maximizer

 i get so jealous of all the points hackers and bloggers out there. how do they do it and keep track!

at this stage in my journey, i realize i'll probably never be a points maximizer for a couple reasons. i just don't trust myself with free credit card spending. i tend to overspend. it's true! 

my budget and money management process i have right now works really well for me! i pay my bills with a billpay check. and really only one of those bills doesn't charge a fee for using a credit card. Purple did make a good point that a lot of times even the 3% fee is worth it when you maximize the point correctly. but i'm not there yet!

and i just like the satisfaction and contentment i feel seeing all my bills in one place. I can track my money better that way. 

maybe i'll do a study and see.

and i think it's in general hard for me to mentally rack up a bunch of points with no real purpose. i'm very goal oriented. and without a goal, i'd rather just keep things as they are.

but maybe it's a case of running the numbers and seeing if it's worth it.

but yeah, i know those little drips add up but right now, my system really works for me and it got me this far.

and i honestly do not enjoy the act of having to pay bills every month; i just don't feel like doing it. so right now, i prioritize the convenience of billpay and the automation of life over the points i could be earning. 

Fractional Retiree, Fractional Influencer

 Yep, i was watching Poverty to Paradise...and was inspired by her success...so i started a youtube channel... it was supposed to a fun competition with my neighbor but he backed out before starting.

being the eager beaver that i am, i'd already created 3 videos... so i decided to stick with it....

i told myself enough for today...

but i was itching to get back on the laptop...so here i am...wanting to make more videos...

i'm pretty certain it doesn't make me rich...but maybe it'll be a fun hobby for the summer

and charles (my AI) already made me 3 months worth of video topics..

so it's kind of fun...

i get to create..

the last week or so...i've been going down the free cruise rabbit hole....and came up pretty empty...grrr...i really want to get more travel hacks...

but i decided to just wait for it to happen semi-organically...as in... next time i think of going to dominican republic... see if there's a cruise...  and then try the casino trick... i think i'm willing to risk the $100 or $200... 

we shall see...i'll consider it like a travel fee...like with a credit card... i feel as though it's an ok risk... it's the only play i have for now....

anyway, i kept looking up hacks and trying to find alternatives...but to no avail.. i tried to see if i could figure it out myself... but decided...i'd rather just wait for it be published by someone...i got myself in trouble last time i bought a bunch of gift cards and thought i could figure it out...

there's a points and miles conference in chicago in october...it's hotel + fee + airfare...so seems kind of pricey and i'm not sure what i'll get out of it... i'd have to pay cash... and i've been to chicago many times....

so deciding to forego that..

but yeah, overall just enjoying life...i really, really am! 

i wake up... i putz around... eat a bit...relax... 

Happy Mother's Day to me and grrr cruise deals!

 Yay! Happy Mother's day to me! It's been what...3  full weeks since i retired? Nope...5! where has the time gone.

still love it. i regret nothing!

i wake up around 11a and fiddle around. my neighbor will cajole me into a leisurely walk around the neighborhood. sometimes we go to lunch or dinner.

i play around on the internet and then it's time to go to sleep.

also, i eat a lot of sweets and snacks.

then get heartburn.

cough at night.

try to do better the next day. and then don't.

also...kind of deciding that summer camp is going to be like my fat camp. i just want to do a bit of a reset.  hoping to spend no extra money and eat no extra sugar. i know for things like this (ie, work), the best way to get through it is just to be as structured and disciplined as possible. so that's going to be my approach.

so since my cruise...i've been looking up other cruise deals...and well haven't really found anything... i've become fascinated with those people who essentially live on a cruise... and apparently there are casino deals...where you keep getting offers. looks like i might have missed the metaphorical boat on getting a casino deal as i did no gambling while on the ship.

but honestly, i doubt i would have been up for doing anything that resembled work on my first cruise, so it's okay.

see...look at that... progress. old me would have cried and lamented at the possibility.

also... this youtuber brought up a great point... she showed a retirement withdrawal calculator...and it had a slot for how much you want to have leftover after you retired...and i as a default put at 62 i wanted 500k...so with that..i can withdraw something like 60 or 80k/year... cuz i am planning on social security...

so that was a cool perspective.. there's no reason to skimp now to still end up with all this money when i die... so yeah...i see myself ramping up my spending as the years go on...

anyway...still trying to figure out how to hack all these deals...i just can't seem to get approved for these credit cards with the same velocity as these online folks..

that is all...life is still amazing.. i don't know if you remember...but when i was once making my spreadsheet of places i wanted to live...i wanted something similar to my childhood...where i live across the street from a baseball field...and last night i was watching a ball game from my neighbor's balcony... i realized i was living my dream!! how cool is that!

back from cruise!

 so.. Alaska is officially off the bucket list. It was such a quick and easy trip. I mean there were some logistics involved. but for me escorted trips are the way to go!

once you do the initial planning, it's nice to just roll yourself to the gate and let the trip take over.

so i left out of vancouver and came back through seattle. i've just resigned myself that travel days are long and long. I try to make it comfy but there's a lot of sitting. 

Hence..if i continue to travel..I'm getting the Amex Centurion card for ever. it has more pass access than just the priority pass. 

just to make the journey a little bit more relaxing for now. i'm sure after awhile even that will get annoying but for now, that's on my wishlist.

i've never seen so many asian people outside of Asia except when i was in Australia. it was just the oddest thing. there was a definite clientele. 

It must be common because there was a lot of asian food served on the buffet. 

it was interesting to watch the games and the way people clearly traveled in group.

i did wonder a bit what vacation looks like for me without a job. Since i primarily do the same thing i do at home - eat, sleep, read, watch tv. 

i talked to a total of 1 person.

this is my norm. 

i'm still figuring it out. but going to new places still makes me happy. that speaks to the growth and adventure part of my spirit.

and actually this long solo cruise kind of diminished the appeal of finland by a lot. i'm more excited to go to the national parks because it will be structured and there should be some walking.

yeah, i'm hoping to do more activity-based trips in the future since i live a regular life of leisure.

it was fun to have no internet access for a week. i came home to nothing but transactional emails. so it's starting to sink in. i may be able to break my email habit soon, since i have nothing i'm waiting for in email.

i keep wanting to check my dividends but then also... it doesn't matter...i'll know next year. 

and walmart delivery was so awesome....someone was talking about lucky charms...and i decided i wanted some lucky charms when i got up...so i scheduled a delivery..and it was here when i woke up!

that's so awesome! loving life right now...simple joys!