Dec 2...in other news

 In other news outside my weird fever dreams...

I'm anxious about going back to work after my leave. I'm just 'afraid' of having any conversation whatsoever with my boss. I don't want to be asked to do anything. I don't want to be asked about my leave. And I don't want to accidentally reveal that i've checked out.

so i'm nervous every minute they're going to put a meeting on my calendar and i'll have to engage. 

last week was fine because there were no meeting on my calendar. in fact all the meeting that were there were cancelled. so i felt reasonably certain it would be an uneventful week. and it was.

but i'm nervous that my boss hasn't thought to meet with me since i've gotten back.

i wonder if they're plotting against me?

i don't know. 

i wish my FMLA would be approved already. I'm trying not to have anxious thoughts about it until next monday; that will be 5 business days since the last fax. after that, then i'm going to upload the med cert directly on their website. 

there are some money moves i need to make on my money date with myself on dec 15...but part of me just wants to do it now...but i bet it's just me trying to manage anxiety about work stuff.

early retirement has been a bit of a ride...i've been mentally checked out but i think the anxious work residue still hangs around... i don't know what it's going to be like when i'm officially and unofficially out of here..

Lexapro vivid dreams - Dec 2024

 So, friends...last night was all over the place..

i was in my child hood home..and i decided to walk to a family friend's house...i reached an intersection and knew to turn left not right

then suddenly i was on a road i recognized...pass like miles of cornfield...

but somehow it turned out later it was only 3 miles... (un true in reality)

then i recognized some intersection and knew to turn right...

then i saw a house but it wasn't yellow like i thought it was...

then kept walking..

and ran into Gary in the field... he wasn't surprised to see us...

cuz now there were 2 cousins with me...

he kind of went back to doing what he was doing...

then realized we were still standing there..

so he gave us the keys to his house and told us to go ahead and go in

then it was kind of cold...

and then i kept seeing sugar beetles... i don't even know if that's a real bug...

but his tv stand was dusty...and i remember thinking if his wife was alive...there would be no dust..

then suddenly he appeared but i was so fixated on these bugs... i think i sat in one and the gross little legs were stuck to my pants

and there were 2 under the tv stand that no one else seemed to mind

and then someone...i guess his new wife...appeared and kept calling my random 2 cousins...the 2 'dumb ones'

but then one of them was 'pretty now'...she was thin... (I think this had to do with watching kishori from amazin race)...

then i was kind of in real time thinking i need to check if gary died...

then suddenly i dreamed of my old racist friend and thought his dad must be dead and i needed to reach out to him...

and then i started dreaming my old Honda didn't use to brake when i needed it to...i can't remember if that's fact of fiction...

and there you have it.