Unemployment Diaries: 3.5 Weeks Later, The Dust Settles

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on 28Aug2019. 

Can you believe it’s been 3.5 weeks since I last held a job? I just got my final paystub in the mail. Apparently I had 2 weeks of vacation time. So… winning! I haven’t even checked my account balances. #blessed

Musings

I’ll be honest; I really thought I would have found another job by now. That was kind of the plan; well it was definitely why I abandoned my tentative plan of quitting Sep 13. Since I had picked up momentum in the job hunt process, I was leaning into that path. I thought there’s a good chance I’ll get another job and if I quit now I’ll at least have a week or two before the next gig. Win-win!

Although this week is not officially over, I know from my recent experience that positive experiences tend to occur on Tuesdays in the world of jobbing. Yesterday was Tuesday, and all I got were a few rejections. I went to a job interview – a normal one, I might add- and I think it went pretty well. Not well enough to offer me the job on the spot, but  I feel as though I definitely got more comfortable with the questions throughout this process. The main thing I learned is you don’t really have to answer the question, and if they ask the same question just give the same answer. They probably weren’t listening. That type of scenario used to really unhinge me…didn’t you read my resume? didn’t you just ask me that? Most of the time the interviewers have been roped into this and it’s just an interruption of their day. They don’t care that much. They’ll know within the first 5 minutes if they like you. And ultimately, who even knows who makes the final decision.

But prior to this experience, I took all of these experiences very personally. I mean I still am always offended that people don’t instantly like me and choose me for everything I’ve ever wanted, but I recognize that’s baseline. I’m not going to be able to convince anyone otherwise.

Next steps…

I decided the next two weeks will be a washout period. My primary goal is NOT TO APPLY TO ANY MORE JOBS!! I think 75 in 2 months is plenty!

It’s been tough because I said this last month. But in the washout period, I want to let go of any hope that any organization which hasn’t sent me a rejection email is secretly still considering me. I need to get used to the fact that I’m not going back to work for awhile. That being said, I did sign up for some job alerts on Indeed. I made them exact title match. This is because I know I have to go back to work eventually. But at least I won’t need to cull through 6 pages of job posts on a daily basis. And I can only check that email when I feel like it. So it quells my anxiety for missing out on that one job that was going to be sooo perfect, if only…

Also, now that I gave looking for another job a try (and failed), I can focus the remaining 3- 5 months on a sabbatical! Finally. Given the emotional turbulence the first few weeks of unemployment, I was looking through our town’s recreation catalog for an activity to anchor my day. I was interested in piano, tennis, a new language, different fitness and martial arts classes. And I might try a few down the line, so it gave me some things to look forward to in early retirement.

For now, I’m tentatively decided on a 9a fitness class on Mondays. It’s about twice the distance I used to drive to work, but the timing and the cost ($60) were the determining factors. Having it near the start of a typical workday at the start of a typical week is me having a little fun with the workweek. Yes, I can still get the Sunday scaries, but it is for an optional fitness class for 1 hour and then I get the rest of the week off! It’s as though I have to psych myself out to really enjoy it. I have to remind myself what I would be doing, if I weren’t so fortunate to have this time off. It’s a big psychological exercise.

So I’ll start with that and see how it goes. I hope to supplement this with some daily walks around my neighborhood. I hope to start the daily walking in my washout period over the next two weeks so I don’t have too many grand plans I can’t follow through on.

How unemployment affects my eating habits

Also, I’ve noticed some nuanced freedoms in my eating habits. I mean no one really tells me how to eat, but what I realized was a lot of times we eat when we’re not all that hungry because there’s a fear that we won’t have time or opportunity to eat later in the day because it’s not our lunch break or we have a meeting. So it’s more eat this breakfast or lunch or dinner now in case you don’t have time to eat it later. So we’re eating food our body doesn’t need and all that does is turn to fat.

So, basically my eating has been more irregular, and that was a bit unexpected. I expected it to be regimented. But I ate grapes for lunch yesterday because it was cold and refreshing and slightly sweet. And I was hot and my sugar was low. Then I ate grapes for dinner. And in the middle of the night, I had the same craving, so I ate some more grapes.

Where before, I would have had to eat a good lunch to get me through the workday; or I would not have eaten grapes for dinner because I had to eat a good dinner to make sure I don’t get hungry in the middle of the night and then wake up and can’t go back to sleep and be groggy the next day. You see the cycle…

Another win.
My electric bill only went up $3 from the average of $35/mon. I thought since I was home all day and running the air or fan and tv pretty much all day, it would be a lot higher. Technically it’s a 10% increase, but $3 is just a bag of fancy chips I can not-buy next month. So I’m pretty pleased about that.

So that’s it.
In summary, I’m finally calming down about unemployment. I’m setting a goal to take a break from applying to anything over the next two weeks (Sep 1 to Sep 15). And I’ve decided to resume my sabbatical for at least Sept 15 to Dec 15 (about 3 months, as opposed to six). During that time, I plan to sign up for a fitness class once a week to help anchor the week and mark time.

So working people, how goes it with you?

Unemployment Diaries: Tuesdays, 70 Job Applications, Spain

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 21, 2019. 

Hi, friends. So It’s 5a Wed. I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday, to be honest. Yesterday I was having so many feelings it felt as though a week had passed.

Tuesday is the official D-Day in the Jobbing Process.

I have it on good scientific authority that Tuesday is The Day recruiters or hiring managers get back to you if they’re moving you forward in the process. Although I had narrowed the window to 2-4p to check email because that’s usually the time the emails have arrived, I started checking email that morning at around 7a and didn’t log off my computer until after 10p.

It was wild!

As you can imagine throughout the day there were quite a few emotional breakdowns sprinkled with a few more applications…well 8 more to be exact. Three in the early morning to early afternoon. Then five more to the same company after hours when I had nothing to do with all my angst.

70 Job Applications

It’s still a struggle not to be obsessed with searching things online. I’m convinced the job for me (or my purpose), or the next place to live, basically the answer to all my questions about my life are just one keyword search and click away. After 4 years of searching, including 70 job applications in the last two months, I guarantee you, it’s not.

My goal now is to stop searching and applying in time for Sep 13 (my original date to quit my job this year), so I can really enjoy my time off. Doing what? I don’t know. But it needs to be enough time to unequivocally guarantee no job is going to contact me and I have had time to grieve the loss of all 70 job opportunities. Yes, grieve the loss…that’s what all the cool millennials are doing these days.

Spain

I finally wrote the email a few minutes ago to my contact in Spain. I told them I would not be attending the program this year. I don’t feel anything. I think I already knew I wasn’t going, and it was going to take a compelling amount of feelings to go through the visa-application process. It was about 9 steps too many, and my fluctuating feelings were unsustainable to get through all of the steps.

One minute I’m incredibly discouraged almost angry that I’m not making any progress with my job applications. The other I’m like why am I not enjoying this free time more. I don’t have to work today!! Actually the inundation of Earnin app commercials have helped to boost my mood. There is an app..well more than one now… for people to collect 75 to 100-dollar payday loans. When I take a moment to step away from my bruised ego, I realize my desperation is self-inflicted. Financially, I’m okay…for a little while longer.

Unemployment Diaries: 3 Quarter Horses in a Race I’m Not Sure I Want to Win

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 15, 2019. 

It’s Thursday afternoon at 2p. It’s my 2nd week of unemployment. Because I don’t feel restful quite yet, I have yet to call this voluntary break a sabbatical.

In fact, in a panic last Friday I applied to quite a few more jobs. Nine to be exact. This is in addition to the the seven from earlier that week when I had fleeting moments of panic. After hearing nothing good from any of my pending applications, the panic came to a full head that Friday.

Then miraculously, two days ago on Tuesday (that seems the best day for positive responses in my recent experience), I got three responses.

From the old chart, you’ll recall…

Horse #1 (aka No. 5 AZA)

5

6/24/19

AZA

Sr. Manager, Widgets

E/m for phone screen on Jul 10; e/m back avail times Jul 10; f/u Jul 25; radio silence since; 8/6 friend sends a personal email referring me; 8/7 e/m request for HR phone screen; 8/7 I reply; no response; 8/12 e/m request for HR phone screen; 8/14 HR phone screen

The other two responses were late stage arrivals to my jobbing process.

Horse #2 ADM, applied 7/26 (another Friday panic), phone interview 7/30 and 7/31 with HR and Hiring Manager, respectively. Radio silence until 8/13 when I was emailed for a 2nd phone interview with another department head. That happened 8/15 (earlier this morning).  The previous phone screens were pretty neutral. The role was kind of scary because it’s essentially a “start-up” as in their products haven’t yet launched. Ultimately, although they kind of ghosted me for two weeks, there were no hard feelings. I was mostly satisfied with their immediate interest.

Horse #3 G1T, our latest arrival. I actually crossed this out on my spreadsheet after applying on 8/9 (Fri) because I didn’t think they’d think I was qualified because my previous job titles didn’t exactly match the current role. Shows what I know! They emailed 8/13 (Tues) for an HR phone screen on 8/14 and at the end of the call scheduled another phone screen with the VP for 8/16 (Fri). Just like they say in those dating handbooks – secure the second date on the first date!

I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t confident that I had convinced her I had project management experience since I never specifically had that job title, although again, I think everything I’ve done has encompassed the duties of the position.

And then…

As I’ve done will all my callbacks, I try to gauge my interest and what I would pick if I were offered all three positions.

Horse #1 (AZA, Maryland)
Pros: More money, my ask of $137 to 142k was considered “competitive” by the HR recruiter; probably a bigger bonus than what I was used to; the work might be closer to the flow I I think I want; seemingly more opportunities for growth either within that company or as a launching pad as some in my field seem to have quicker ascension up the ranks by switching companies.

Cons: moving to suburban DC ( = lots of traffic, living with my family to avoid double the rent, family drama); working for big pharma means future restructuring

What say you: I don’t know; it sounds good on paper, but something about it is keeping me from being too excited; maybe it’s the fact that they’ve been stringing me along; or moving back home and not quite getting the fresh start I seem to be wanting.

Horse #2 (ADM, Florida)
Pros: New challenge I suppose; resume booster; more money than last job
Cons: Not super excited about being on a team of 1, hard to know what I’m supposed to be doing everyday, having to work so closely with others; moving; living in Florida; not my target salary

Other: I’d be closer to Aunty MERJ which I have mixed feelings about.
What say you: I have pretty neutral feelings about this position; it is very much a start-up as we would be creating the department; I don’t see myself staying there long term.

Horse #3 (G1T, North Carolina)
Pros: contract position, so if nothing else pans out, it will be great to have that money coming in without feeling stuck; resume booster; more money than last job
Cons: Another team of 1 role, seems manageable but I think I’d be confused for awhile on what exactly I’m supposed to be doing; still in NC
What say you: If I get no other offers, I’d happily take it. But if I were in late stage with the other two, I’d probably play hard to get.

Right now, my default position is to say yes to whomever makes the first offer. If I were offered all three on the same day, I’d choose the one with the most money.  Easiest choice since that’s the main reason I work – to make money.

But who knows, there might be no and then 

Unemployment Diaries: 1 Week Later, Torn

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 10, 2019. 

Today is Sat, Aug 10. It is 11:58a. I am in my bed wearing the same thing I’ve had on for the last few days.

The last time I left the house was Tuesday. Wednesday? Whoa. Has it already been that long! I told myself to get out of the house briefly everyday just to break up the monotony.

So far two people outside of my co-workers know I quit my job. Both are classmates. One found out because he’s friends with one of my indirect co-workers. The other found out because I was emailing in the middle of the day. I could’ve said I was just not at work that day, but it just tumbled out that I quit my job.

The strangers from Meetup don’t count.

I think ultimately I don’t want anyone weighing in on what I should do next. I have enough trouble sifting through my own thoughts. External influence has rarely helped me make a good decision. So I tend not to seek advice. Once I turned 30, that was a very salient decision I made. I use my past to inform my future.

WORK

This week was not that fun or easy. I just wanted to make a decision, any decision. I think I applied to twenty more jobs, about 9 of them were on late night Thursday going into Friday.

I’ve been pretty reckless. I went back on my decision to not use fake addresses. I foresee that coming to bite me in the butt. But I want to rule out my locale as a reason I’m not moving forward in the process. If nothing comes of these, I’ll know my address is not a factor. I’ll decide depending on the situation if I’m willing to spring for the cash for an onsite. Desperate times always lead to good decisions right?

LIFE

I impulsively bought a plane ticket to Tampa to visit Aunty MERJ from Tues to Thurs of next week just to pass the time even though I already had a ticket from months ago to see her that Saturday and Sunday. But she always sounds so pitiful on the phone that I felt bad after talking to her. I immediately regretted that decision. After an excruciating phone call, Frontier gave me a travel credit. Thank the Lord.

I’m running the fan +/- the a/c all day since I’m home all day. I wonder what my electric bill will be this month.

I keep setting up limits on screen time and failing spectacularly.

I want to go the pool because it’s there and it’s free. But I basically need to do things when I wake up or it’s not getting done. And the pool doesn’t open till 9a.

BALANCE

Because I am actively job searching, it’s hard to know whether to structure my day as though I have three months off or to just enjoy my time off like a long vacation.

My most recent plan is to ask for my job back (or sign up for something similar) after three months, so around Nov 1.  That I couldn’t reignite my life in any significant way makes me cringe, but then I have to be grateful that I would probably find something if I were facing financial strain.

When I pictured taking time off from work, I wanted to have a set amount of time off and a job to go to afterward. This is a muddled picture of that. Leaving my job was so anticlimactic that going back would not be met with so much fanfare. I mean it’s still an unknown that they’d have an opening. I can always do retail, I tell myself. Ugh.

What do I even want?

Sometimes when I don’t know what to do because the choices aren’t ideal, I ask myself what I want.

For a new job, I wrote down:

• Making beaucoup bucks
  • Defined as: able to save at least $40k post tax; my 2019 goal was $26k
• Cool city
  • This is pretty open ended as I could be convinced of anything at this point; I keep leaning toward West Coast but my last two visits out there didn’t give me the sense of belonging I’d hoped for
• Be sought after
  • I really enjoyed the couple times that employers reached out within a day or two from my application and it felt like they were rooting for me
• Easy application process
  • Read: not an interview panel of 9 people for an entry level position
• Perfect fit of skill meets challenge (i.e. flow)
  • I want to be good at my job and do a good job

This changes though.
Every day or hour or minute I seem to have a new plan. Leave. Stay. Ask for my job back. Work retail. Work clinical. I even looked at jobs back in Education. Move to NJ. Move in with my aunt in Maryland while I search. Take a contract position in NJ. Disappear completely. Spend all my money and get desperate enough to not have choices or options.

Then I really start to spiral.

Should I have networked better or at all? Would I be in this position if I had smiled more?  How is everyone else progressing so quickly? Where are my friends? Do I need friends? Why am I trying so hard to get a job when I don’t even like working that much? Is starting over really going to change anything?

I have no answers. This life has been truly a mystery to me. I look around and I really don’t get it. Am I forever going to be that girl that is never happy to get what she wants? Or just never happy, full stop?

Unemployment Diaries: Aug 6, 3:50pm

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 6, 2019. 

I am officially unemployed for the second work day in a row. I had a small meltdown yesterday. That was unexpected.

Work
I thought more people from work would email me to check-in. This morning I got one email from a former co-worker. It was in the style of Where’d you go, Bernadette? (Ever read that book?) I appreciated it.

I ended up applying to four more jobs yesterday. Nothing I’m too excited to do, but I had to do something with my hands and thoughts and that was the most harmless thing I could think of.

Life
Yesterday, I opened a checking account and took a short 15 minute walk outside. That made me feel like I accomplished something and helped to calm me down a bit.

So I tried to talk myself into doing something today. And it worked! I woke up (without an alarm) around 8:45a and realized if I got out of bed I would make it just in time for a Meetup group that was going paddleboarding. Fortunately for me, I had written the details out last night so there would be no barrier to me leaving the house if the mood hit me. It did!

I went paddleboarding! It was as simple as it looked on TV. You sit (or stand) on this hard plexiglass epoxy board and paddle. That’s it.  And then 2 hours passed. I don’t generally understand repetitive sports like these, but it was nice to get out of the house.

I even talked to people! A white-man asked me if I’d ever taken a college class and how much my rent was, so that’s always cool.

Other
My good-for-a-chat friend found out I quit my job. It was so much easier to tell the strangers from Meetup than someone I actually know. Less questions. I don’t know if I really wanted to tell her but it was nice to tell someone. I felt unburdened somehow. But I feel like I have to craft a narrative first to field questions before I tell anymore people…including my family. For you see, this early career break is both something I’ve been planning and something that I did suddenly. I have a plan and enough savings…and I don’t. It’s all very confusing.

Unemployment Diaries: Aug 5, 11a

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 5, 2019. 

At 9a this morning I slowly started to lose my mind. So I went on a walk for about 15 minutes around my apartment complex. Came back. Realized nothing had changed. Decided to open a checking account.

Shakes head. Non-sequitur, I know.

How did I get to this moment?
Well I’m kind of stuck in the in-between right now.

Work.
I’m stuck between taking a true sabbatical and not worrying about what happens for the next six months AND actively seeking employment.

I told myself to stop applying after Jul 4 to prevent this very thing from happening. Then last week I couldn’t help myself. I started applying some more just to make sure I had options in case the sabbatical didn’t stick. Honestly, I also thought I’d get that job in Chicago.

I’m trying not to check email every 5 seconds. It’s not working.

Home.
My lease is up for renewal. I have this same minor-major crisis every lease renewal. I don’t know why my brain tricks me into thinking a lease is oh-so permanent and irreversible. It’s not as though if I had to leave, I couldn’t… I could …just with a lot of hassle and fees. I think I’m just tired of hassle (and fees). And Brain wants to avoid it whenever possible. But alas, every lease renewal I have this mental upheaval as if the end of a lease term marks a pivot point. I think this just speaks to a long simmering desire to leave NC… but to go where?

Housing Options

1. On Tuesday, submit notice to vacate. Start more seriously applying EVERYWHERE using all the tricks. Could theoretically find SOMETHING by Oct 6. Either way, leave apartment Oct 6. Move closer to new job. OR… Move in with my aunt in Maryland and pay $500/mon until I find a job. OR… If job is in RTP, see if I can stay in my apartment?
   • 1b. On Tuesday, submit notice to vacate. Take 2 month sabbatical. Take 1 week to pack up and move. Leave apartment Oct 6. Move in with my aunt in Maryland and pay $500/mon until I find a job.
   • 1c. If I’m going to take ANYTHING, then why did I quit my job?
2. Renew lease for 6 months – giving me 6 month sabbatical and two months to look for a job. Pay $1100/mon in housing costs. <<That’s the part that stings.
3. On Tuesday, submit notice to vacate. Begin preparations for move to Spain.

Double Life.
Oh, I’m also stuck between starting over and staying the course. I want to start over. I just don’t know doing what or where. And to make it even more interesting, I’ve been in the process of changing my name (since 2017). As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I applied for a few jobs in my new name. I had such a tough time renting a car in Chicago in the midst of my name change, I decided to get a credit card. That decision sounds definitive now, but it was a lot of mental distress. I’ve been avoiding credit card use since my identity theft hassle. So having an open unattended card was giving me flashbacks. After a couple of false starts, we (me and my new self) decided to add my new identity as an authorized user to the card I opened recently to travel hack Canada.

Then Brain said open a checking account, just in case you do start over. You’ll need something for direct deposit. Thinking big much? And for the onsite interview I did go on, they reimbursed my travel expenses in the form of a check, so I had to figure out a way to cash or deposit that check.  Looking for any decision to make and to get out of the house, I mistakenly found a bank that had free checking that didn’t require direct deposit. Note – my attempts at opening free checking accounts with online banks have been a fail (I’m looking at you Ally, Simple, Axos).

Spain.
In the way back, I’m still stringing Spain along. I think if it weren’t for the hoops I have to jump through (background check, medical clearance, visa, packing up and moving, figuring out what to do with my car for a year) that include driving to DC twice, I think Spain would be a better option. I wish I could just make up my mind closer to when it was time to leave (i.e. Oct). But because I need that visa, Spain is just a complication. But alas, I still haven’t told them I’m not going. Because…who knows.

10 Very Descriptive Statistics, Keen Observations from 20 Job Applications

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 5, 2019. 

Hello there!

So I quit my job on Friday. Today is only Sunday and I’m so confused. My lease is up in two months, but if I don’t want to renew I need to let them know in two days!!

Quitting my job was so anticlimactic. There was no big rush. There was no huge relief. Definitely no fanfare. I’m actually a little disappointed by just how insignificant my departure was to the company. As though I never even mattered. Not to assign so much of my value to my employee-employer relationship but geez! My 8 hour shift was the bulk of my day x 5 days a week.

Sometimes the subtle slights that happen to me  feel like some huge conspiratorial gaslighting attempt by creatures from a different universe. Then something equally small happens that reminds me I’m not the crazy one.

Example, I put in my two-weeks notice…well two-weeks ago. I didn’t expect much from my co-workers, but the management team didn’t even make a peep. Not even the polite thank you. Due to business needs, I’ve had at least 5  managers from the current management team. So that’s five managers who couldn’t be bothered to send me an email or stop by.

Then one of my old managers who hasn’t been my manager for about 3 years heard the news and immediately called me. He was curious where I was going. When I said nowhere, he expressed concern about me. Genuine or not, it was such a small gesture.  And there was also the offer of ‘if you need anything.’ He even agreed to be a reference and made sure I had his contact information.

Once, one of my current managers emailed me three times to cover a shift when I wasn’t even on her team at the time.  This is after no raise, no big bonus, no promotion, and after I’d been moved from her team to cover some backfill on another team. As she was leaving for the day Friday, she momentarily stopped by to say “hi” and “bye.” Her words. I don’t remember any thank yous for all the extra work I’d been given over the years and my willingness to do it. My line manager for whom I’m a direct report made such little noise, even I was starting to get confused if I was really leaving.

HR didn’t even schedule an exit interview.

My biggest regret is that I forgot to take the mouse and keyboard wrist pad. That’s a $50 value and I know they just junk it after the employee leaves.

People have heard me say, I’ll do anything for money. And I know their mind goes to the gutter. But in reality it just means I would and have put up with demoralizing life situations because I need money. I’ve so internalized the way I was treated there that I can’t even properly enjoy what should be a glorious break.  I thought this would be easier.

And it’s hard to soapbox about my big decision to leave because I know when I run out of money, I’ll go crawling back.

That turned into a rant when all I wanted to do was release some of the anxiety I feel for what I hoped was an early mini-break. But I find myself vacillating between actually taking the time-off and looking for my next job.  Not having something lined up and not knowing how long it will take to line something up is not exactly relaxing for me. What was I thinking?!

Enough of that. Here’s the data I came to share from the end of my Journey of 20 Job Applications.

Descriptive statistics from 20 job applications

1. Total number of job applications: 20
a. Unique first name: 17
b. Familiar first name: 3

2. Moved forward at least 1 step in the process: 4 total (20%)
a. Unique first name: 2 (out of 17 = 12%)
b. Familiar first name: 2 (out of 3 = 67%)

3. On site interviews (only): 1 total
a. Unique name: 0
b. Familiar name: 1

4. Hiring Manager phone/video screens (only): 1 total
a. Unique name: 0
b. Familiar name: 1

5. HR phone screens (only): 2 total
a. Unique name: 2
b. Familiar name: 0

6. Minimum time to first contact:
a. Unique name: 2 business days
b. Familiar name: 4 business days

7. Maximum time to first contact:
a. Unique name: 12 business days
b. Familiar name: 15 business days

Rejection: 20 out of 20
8. Rejection by email:
a. Unique name: 4
b. Familiar name: 2

9. Rejection by application portal update only:
a. Unique name: 1
b. Familiar name: 0

10. Rejection by silence:
a. Unique name: 12
b. Familiar name: 1 (the onsite interview)

This is a very uncontrolled study with some descriptive statistics, so most of my conclusions are personally biased. I am trying to trend anything that might help me now that I.Am.Unemployed.

I only submitted 3 applications with my more American (or familiar) name, and of those three, one led to an on-site interview right away. No screening. Additionally, of the remaining two, one skipped the HR recruiter and got me a video interview with the hiring manager. In both cases, none of the interviewers looked like me. One can only hide behind a name for so long.

Of the 17 applications under my real ethnic (or unique) name, I received no offers for onsite interviews. I got as far as 2 phone screens with an HR recruiter (both non white-men).

What do you make of that?

Antiquated myths about the job application process

This is a just a short list of things I affirmed for myself during this round of applications I always thought antiquated and not terribly useful. Yes, I didn’t get any employment offers, but I am perceptive enough to know that these things didn’t matter.

• Cover letters. Cover letters are not required. With the advent of applicant tracking systems like Workday and Taleo, those cover letters largely do not add much to the application. From what I’ve read, most of these large business use some sort of keyword matching to select applicants.  Don’t waste your mental space.

• Follow up emails. Follow-up emails do nothing. You’ll always hear that one story about that one applicant who sent a cover letter and 8 years later got a job. That’s not you.  Don’t waste your mental space.

• Single people are desirable assets.  Wrong. Don’t be a single girl. This is a new one for me. Don’t be a single girl. No one can relate to you. Look like the interviewer. Whenever possible, be a white-man. Or in the positions I’m applying for, be a white-mom. It helps to demystify the experience if you look like the interviewer. Reality TV reminds us of this everyday but no one seems to pay it any mind.  I’m thinking the voting-off-the-island game shows. The workplace is like an island; people like who they look like. Before it breeds contempt, familiarity breeds alliance. Your interviewer is more likely to root for you, less likely to challenge your position or answers, and more inclined to feel “comfortable” if they can see themselves in you. And the best way to do that is to look like them. So do that!

Journey of 20 Job Applications: Aug 1 Update, Am I Unemployed?

Originally published/last updated on myearlyretirementjourney.com on Aug 1, 2019. 

Technically, I am unofficially unemployed.  My last day of work is tomorrow Fri, Aug 2.  But by now you know I’m anxious and love to jump the gun! It was a voluntary termination. That’s what all the paperwork said. I did it. I resigned. I quit my job with no prospects.

Here’s the latest update on the chart.

No.	Date Applied	Company	Position	Current Status	When I Last Checked
1	6/23/19	DSI	Manager, Widgets	No applicant portal	6/29/19
2	6/24/19	REG	Sr. Manager, Widgets	Applied -24Jun2019	7/25/19
3	6/24/19	TAK	Manager, Widgets	No longer under consideration	7/13/19
4	6/24/19	NOV	Sr. Manager, Widgets	Screening Phase -28Jun2019	7/25/19
5	6/24/19	AZA	Sr. Manager, Widgets	E/m for phone screen on Jul 10; e/m back avail times Jul 10; f/u Jul 25; radio silence since;	7/19/19
6	6/24/19	RAK	Sr. Manager, Widgets	E/m for video screen 7/16; repl’d 7/16; video screen scheduled 7/18; rejection 7/26	6/29/19
7	6/29/19	UCB	Lead, Widgets	E/m on 7/17 with four screening questions; replied 7/17; e/m 7/22 to schedule phone screen; phone screen 7/24; was told would hear back by 7/26; nothing since.	7/27/19
8	6/29/19	COV	Project Manager, Widget Safety	NOT SELECTED	7/13/19
9	6/29/19	CON	Specialist, Widget Safety	Completed-Updated: Jun 29, 2019	7/25/19
10	6/29/19	IQV	Associate Manager, Widget Safety	Active	7/25/18
11	6/29/19	IQV	Sr. Specialist, Widget Safety	Active	7/25/19
12	6/29/19	TRI	Manager, Widgets	No applicant portal	6/29/19
13	7/3/19	NOV	Manager, Widgets	Screening Phase -03Jul2019	7/25/19
14	7/4/19	AVE	Sr. Manager, Widgets	E/m for onsite on Jul 10; On 7/11 onsite scheduled for 7/22; decsion by 8/2	7/27/19
15	7/4/19	AZA	Scientist, Widget Compliance	Rejection e/m 7/30	7/25/19
16	7/4/19	FDC	Analyst, Widgets	Completed-Updated: Jul 4, 2019	7/25/19
17	7/3/19	SYN	Specialist, Widget Safety	Completed-UpdatedJul22,2019	7/25/19
18	7/3/19	VTX	Sr. Manager, Widgets	Application Received-03Jul2019	7/25/19
19	7/3/19	PAC	Sr. Manager, Widgets	CLOSED -7/23/19	7/25/19
20	7/5/19	JZZ	Specialist, Widget Safety	NOT SELECTED	7/8/19

No. 14 (AVE) was the last hold out. The two big bosses were not white-men. I was sure I had a chance!! HR technically said I’d hear back by tomorrow (Fri, 8/2), and I foolhardily held my breath.  I thought I killed that interview! Will the single girl ever learn?

Lessons Learned from Actively Interviewing

The hardest part for me were all the lies packaged as politeness in the job application process. Everyone said you’ll be hearing from us. Sometimes that meant you moved forward in the process. Sometimes that meant absolutely nothing. How is a neuro-atypical brained person like myself supposed to navigate that.

I tried to use their inflection or enthusiasm or clues from the conversation about which outcome was likely. I was wrong almost all the time. There was one where the conversation was cut short and I barely got a word in and I was invited for an onsite interview. There was one where the HR recruiter was extremely enthusiastic and I moved forward in the process within the hour. Yet the phone screen before that, we’d had a nice moment during the call and never heard anything back.

One co-worker I lamented with described me as being untrustworthy of the process. I think that’s fairly accurate.

Sometimes I do think I’m a little Aspie, and a process like this makes me think so more. It’s half a joke, half not. When the same input leads to different outcomes, it’s really tough for me to navigate.

Why did I quit my job?

Honestly, I’d love to say something really huge happened. But it didn’t. A few tiny things happened over four years but still not enough to make a reasonable person quit their job. I think I  started on this job quitting path a while ago. Hence the blog.

I definitely don’t have enough money to be financially independent. At best, I might have about 6 months of savings.

I started to get hopeful after I received such a flurry of responses that I would get something. So that helped me to turn in my letter of resignation last week. I thought I’m bound to get something and this way I’ll have a nice break before my next job. I didn’t get anything. As I mentioned, the last hopeful, No. 14 (AVE), told me I would hear back by Friday (tomorrow).  Then Brain just reminded me…what decision are they possibly going to make tomorrow that they haven’t already made today (Thursday).

For me the best way to cope with bad news, is to prepare for it. It’s the change in equilibrium that really shakes me up. The surprise, the unpredictable outcome. Those things I struggle with. Not necessarily the event itself.

I thought I would feel something about quitting my job. I felt a little scared and did apply to a few more jobs not seen in this list.

I felt a little disappointed that my employer didn’t make some grand gesture to try to keep me. HR didn’t even bother to schedule my exit interview. My manager just met with me for 15 minutes to fill out the termination form. Then she piled on more work for me to finish my last two days. That felt about right. The best part was that some of those tasks were offloaded from two positions for which I had previously applied. Like I said, that felt about right.

To prep for my voluntary release from work, I made a few of my favorite snacks and identified some TV shows with which to  occupy my mind. On the back burner is a plan to buy some swim trunks so I might actually use my apartment complex’s pool for the first time ever.

In my fantasy, I’d like to take the whole six months and not apply to anything and actually try to reflect or at least enjoy the time off. It’s only what I’ve been wanting my whole life! But in reality, I’m trying to at least make it 2 weeks without searching for anything on the internet. I’ll be lucky if I make it 2 days.

So, again…why did I quit my job?

A few reasons I can think of in this particular moment:

• I didn’t like the person I thought I had to be at work.
•  I didn’t like being passed over for promotion opportunities; I started to internalize the value they placed on me.
•  I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home person.
•  I was fully vested in my 401k. I had also passed the 2 years needed to avoid paying back my $2k sign-on bonus.
•  The client was coming on site to help us prepare for a new software launch; I wasn’t looking forward to seeing the woman who got the job I wanted with them; I wasn’t interested in the buzz that happens when change comes.
•  Again, I was fully vested. I thought I’d have to wait until Sep 2019 (when I mentally thought I’d pull the trigger).
•  I had started the momentum to leave earlier this year and just continued with it even though I didn’t feel as strongly as when I first started.
•  I had been trying to figure out ways to do less work during the day.
•  Manager was giving me more work to do and telling me I needed to do it with enthusiasm, while still piling it on.
•  I felt as though I already died and was buried at my job, in NC as a whole, and all that was left were the haunting thoughts of who I thought I could be.