Life Update Jun 27, 2019: I got nothin’


Originally published/last updated on myearlyretiremenjourney.com on 27 Jun 2019. 

Last month I decided to start tracking these non-budget metrics: work, life, money. As a bonus, I day dream a bit in a section I call “I Dream of Early Retirement.” Here’s my latest update.

Work

I am still employed at my same job but since my last update I’ve gotten a few more job application rejections. One from a client I thought for sure would hire me. To his credit, he sent me my very own personal rejection letter (in addition to the form letter sent by HR). Double whammy!
I went to Seattle for another interview. Didn’t get that one. What I did get was an $80 parking ticket when I used the rental car they paid for after spending an extra night in the hotel they also paid for and drove to Vancouver BC.  See, this time I told myself to take all the extras they offered. However, in my emotional torrent to use all their money, I ate a hot breakfast on the second day (after not planning to) and missed the Vancouver City Tour I had previously booked ($65). Womp, womp. I still come out the sucker! No new job, out 1 PTO day, missing at least a week’s worth of regular sleep, and if you count the airport parking I paid for on my end out at least a total of $175 dollars. Yay, me!
If you’re one of those people who likes to look on the bright side, I still have my pretty cushy job and it’s been pretty slow the last few weeks so I can’t complain. I’ve shown up everyday ready to sit around (shhh, don’t tell the Devil…he likes to steal my moments). And that he did, I drafted this yesterday (Wednesday), and today (Thursday) I went from 0 calls to 9 calls and it started off with a fussy sales rep. Ugh. The bad thoughts started to come back. I guess I’ve successfully identified a trigger.

Life

Most recent life update on this blog: Dream Bio vs Current Bio: How I Still Don’t Know What To Do With My Life
I have such mixed feelings about what I want to do with my career and thus my life in general. I’ve been spending a lot more money comparatively. Part of it is in prep for the interviews. You know what they say…look good, feel good; feel good, do good; do good, get paid good. Minus the bad grammar, that’s the look I was going for but mine just turned into… look good, still don’t get the job, out a few hundred dollars.
In other news, I planned a social event at work for reasons unknown to myself. I went to my cousin’s graduation party! (Big win for my previously nonexistent social calendar!). I even chatted with a co-worker in the parking lot for about an hour. Wow! I got a pedicure for the first time ( $35, part of the look-good portion for interviewing) and a gel manicure ($30, also a first). I got a new hairstyle ($160) and new glasses ($120)! I bought a new dress ($18), some new shoes (lots of new shoes… I started and couldn’t stop) and had cell service for at least 2 months (again for said interviews).
After my last romp with the interview panel where I was grilled, cut off, and overall treated in a way I did not like, I finally put one of my debit cards away. It was sort of an emergency card that turned into a buy-things-to-make-myself-happy card.
Oh did I tell you I stopped auto-saving. I thought I was going to write a longer post on that: I stopped auto-saving, now I can’t stop spending. Something along those lines. But you get the idea.
Even though I was mostly hopeful I’d be able to break out of here, after one of my latest rants about quitting my job, I actually took an action. I felt so powerless to change external circumstances, I reacted. I stopped auto-deposits to my broker account. All that money is being routed to a regular savings. I have about $7,700 of the $10,000 I’m hoping to save by Sept 2019. That’s enough to live frugally for about 6 months me thinks. It’s been a long-time dream of mine to just be a stay-at home person. It’s so wasteful on the money front, but oh well. When feelings take over, logic takes a back seat. Regret comes later. Right now, I’m sitting in all the feels.

Money

Most recent financial update on this blog: Everything I Spent On Travel in 2019 So Far
For my recent interviews, they’ve asked for salary range. One I said about $142k. Another one I said about $151k. For the most recent I gave a range of $137k to $142k. And I’ve even started to believe I might pursue this role in the future with this salary reference point (~$137k). It’s a good fit with anywhere from a little bit more responsibility to a lot more responsibility and oversight over company work product. But in the space between I ask myself what am I even doing! At this point I’m not sure what my objective is. Well my old team was bumming me out because those callers were troublesome but now it’s not like that (as much), so I’m okay again.
With my apartment renewal reminder coming up, I’ve also been thinking about either moving or buying. Did you know you can buy a new house in Kokomo, Indiana for just around $110k. But even with that, my housing expenses still linger around $1,000/mon when you factor in utilities and taxes and a fix-it-fund. Go figure! So that  demotivates me. It’s a lot of work to end up financially in the same place. Sure at that price, I’d be building about $150/mon in equity… but big whoop.
I got so tired of spinning my wheels with both trying to increase my income or optimize my housing situation that I’ve grounded myself from the internet at home for a week. No Ipad, computer, internet phone until 4th of July. I’ll have a little independence day celebration and take a breather from all the noise.
Shh… also to get some of my power back, I sent back three responses to my rejections from hiring personnel at three different companies. Mostly in the vein of, I reject you, you don’t reject me. It felt good in the moment. I told you…all the feels.

I Dream of Early Retirement

I got nothing. Honestly for the last couple weeks, my job was kind of the best (i.e. little to no work)!

Dream Bio vs Current Bio: How I Still Don’t Know What To Do With My Life


Originally published/last updated on myearlyretiremenjourney.com on 14Jun2019. 

Got another rejection today. Well technically, it’s a rejection I already knew was coming, so I’ve already partially experienced it. Getting the email didn’t make it sting any less, however. In fact just yesterday, I applied to four more jobs at the same company. I like to torture myself. Although a feel-good article I read says that hanging in there means I’m made from tough stuff. Yeah right. It mostly just feels bad, and I hope to water down the rejection with more rejection so the one that hurts the most is hard to identify.

For you bloggers out there, have you noticed once you started blogging the stuff you read on the internet holds less significance. For me, it’s like now I know the blogger posting that “how-to” is probably some rando experiencing a streak of good luck and now wants to share The Exact Way To Achieve Their Outcome.
No shame. Just saying.
My latest escapade in trying to figure out how to un”stuck” myself from my current life sich is an article from Frugalwoods. In it, she advises to write your current bio and then your dream bio. Be sure to enumerate “everything that your life encompasses: your work, your volunteer commitments, your family, your partner/children, your pets, your finances, your hobbies, perhaps your fitness level if that’s relevant to your goals.”
I’m a sucker for a quick fix. So I tried it. The comparison would be easier in a chart, but a wordy chart does not render well in WordPress. So I opted for the format below (mostly stream of consciousness).

Job

Current Bio: Call center. Educator. HR assistant.
Dream Bio: Daytime actress. Seasonal romance writer. Author of the Greatest Love Story Ever Told. Community Activist. World changer. Social Justice Activist. Novelist. Romance writer.

Volunteer work

Current Bio: Zilch
Dream Bio: Reading to kids. Providing free healthcare (as in I’m also a doctor). Disaster relief. Immigration help. Teach ESL.

Family

Current Bio: OK. They exist.
Dream Bio: Urban tribe of supportive people with lives I aspire to.

Hobbies

Current Bio: Watching TV.
Dream Bio: I got nothing.

Finances

Current Bio: OK
Dream Bio: Financially independent. Not worrying about money.

Friends

Current Bio: Who dat?
Dream Bio: A burning love who waits for me; seasonal affection.

Fitness

Current Bio: Sedentary
Dream Bio: Active. Nature walks. Nothing in a gym. Maybe gymnastics, swimming, tennis, parkour…
Now what?
  • What opportunities do you have to bring the two into alignment? Errrr….
  • What do you need to do with your time, your money, your motivation, and your work flow in order to put yourself on track to make your dream bio your actual bio? Errr…
But see I’ve done exercises like this before. Pick out the common theme. What are you better at than most people? What do your close contacts see in you? Because of exercises just like this one, I tried saving the world. I became a teacher and I was spectacularly bad in the classroom.  I used to volunteer a lot when I was younger. I never felt anything. I’m already in a health profession, yes, not a doctor but after all the effort it takes to become a doctor, I don’t think I’d work for free. I would do it for the prestige. I wrote a book (or two). I actively tried to have a “love worth dying for” just for the experience. I was on TV once or twice (as an extra). I worked on a movie set. I’ve been to a few continents.  I’ve had these great-at-the-time singular experiences that have yet to culminate to anything.
But is that all I’m supposed to be doing? When one thing starts to lose its interest or significance, just move on to the next thing? Am I even dreaming big enough? Or am I already too confined by what I believe is probably possible?  I know I don’t have a sucky life. I know this. Yes, I’m grateful. [Religion alert… in 3, 2, 1…] Here’s the thing. I choose to believe in God so I choose to believe He has blessed me. I am open to the idea that my life with God in it is probably better than if I were to journey alone, but I am less open to the idea that this is the best my life will ever be.
Read More: 
How Design-Thinking Can Inspire Your Early Retirement Journey
How To Stay Motivated Your 1st Month Blogging
So dear reader, any insight? I’m sure many of you are out there living your #bestlife. So help a single girl out!