it just can't be the place

 i'm realizing that youtube just can't be the place where i document my life after FIRE. because, hapily, it's just not splashy enough. not headline clicking. and in this calm moment, that's more than okay. 

but i do love sharing information. my ears perk up. being able to share information that helped me to help someone else is one of my life's joys.

it's why went into teaching.

and it turns out ...just like that venture... this one is failing.

because for me the sharing of the information enough. i'm not overly concerned with the packaging. even though i one hundred percent fall for the marketing, it's just not in my nature to bamboozle people.

and my intentional but not so intentional effort to stop trying to help people has actually given me some perspective. this is offline in real life. people don't take my advice. so i'm at this kind of everlasting crossroads... do i say something or let it be? people really do figure it out.

and the 1 in 1,000 chance something i say actually causes someone to make a change... um... not quite enough.

i choose stability and dependability. 

although... last night someone was asking about 'screwing over their employer'... and i shared the fmla information...

now i have an idea for a post. 

i know i'm not long for vlogging with the lackluster results, but i'll keep going until the engine putters out.

and for past me.. thanks for overturning every rock and then repeating that process. you have laid the foundation for the future stability i need. i no longer have to do that.

and even when i do... or want to.. the past me that suffered reminds me of the pain. and with as little shame as i can muster, i move past the moment.

we did the work, past me...and we get to linger in its fruits... whatever that means...

mostly i'm trying to figure out how to share my FMLA secret... 

i'm back!

 so i hadn't been blogging as infrequently as i had before... haha.. but i'm back... i tried the youtube thing...and it was fun...but much like when i started my FIRE journey and this blog... i thought the masses would be crowding to hear what i had to say

and like the human i am..what a blow to the ego.. when that turned out not to be the case... i quite enjoyed the making of the videos and the coming up of ideas...but yesterday when i checked and one of my videos had 0 views... i was quite down...and it's so public so i HAVE to check (my brain says)... and we know that living life is a different experience for me than some

so i am committed to my mental health for the next year or so; so i won't delete the channel but i have one more fun post that i still have to schedule and then i'll take a break, perhaps forever... i'll probably send the password to another friend in case friend and i are no longer speaking whenever i decide to come back..

all in all you didn't miss much... just this incredibly monumental thing happened in my life (EARLY RETIREMENT!) and i wanted the whole world to celebrate with me...

anyway...life is going swimmingly well..i was finally able to reduce my lexapro dose back from 20 to 10mg... i felt overmedicated to put it simply. like it was like rebound anxiety...

anyway, it's been over a month and i'm fine..

at some point i probably need to make an effort to rebuild community or at least socialize....but luckily i have some pretty easy ways to go through the motions...when i'm ready...

right now, i'm sooo enjoying my alone time...so much reflection..

i do worry every now and then about not having a biopsy on the unspecified breast lump but i felt confident based on the images that it was similar to what i already have. but i'm happy to do that in 2027

life after early retirement - month 5

 sept 2, 2025 made 5 months since i left my job! what a whirlwind it has been! so far loving it...fall preview days are here! for me that means some cold fronts and breezy days with lots of sun and cool starts!! i love it! 

planned an outfit list... 5 times with charles last night and the last couple of days...i'm so glad he exists... so i'll go print that off... i wanted to ride my bike but looked at the temps and at 10a...it's already 75 degrees!

i'm super pumped because someone posted that single supplement sale for gate 1 is supposed to start tomorrow! yay... so i'll book croatia; i already magically booked canada for next year..more than a year in advance ...and lived to tell about it!

thinking i might as well book princess for next november...which is more than a year in advance because..a) it's not that atypical with cruises it seems... and b) the price is fine...it's gone down just a bit since i've been tracking.. and just getting into the momentum of getting deposits down on these trips is fun...

like locking in my next year!! we shall see

plan for the best possible outcome right!

worst case scenario after my dec cruises it turns out i hate it... but i doubt that... i think it's such a cool way to see more of southeast asia! 

although now that i can cook my own malaysian curry... do i need to visit?? just kidding

eventhough my channel on youtube is not taking off as i hoped, i still want to share more of my life after early retirement because there just hasn't been enough content out there for me to consume... i don't want a self help guide... i just want to know what people are doing!  but i've been good thus far about not logging in...since i don't have the password so that's nice... 

anyway, that's my update.. i found some old recipes i'd been lusting after so i'm happy about that...

i missed a credit card payment!

 ack... charles had me running this credit card plan to have "regular use" on my card. i was done with the plan and thought the last payment was on auto-pay. it wasn't! 

they sent me an email which gave me pause, but i thought surely... it's on autopay. and each bank does their auto-pay emails differently so i couldn't know for sure! 

ack! 

luckily it was only a $5 fee and fortunately i caught it! sheesh. would have been nice if they sent me a late notification though. hmmm

anyway, this is why i can't be using credit cards for regular every day life. 

this feels like sunday school class and church...only to say like everything else... you need to be reminded weekly! 

so i got all excited for responsibly using my credit card the last few months to get "usage"... and so i thought i'd do it for the rest of the year, but nope! sorry, points. i treasure my sanity and financial mental stability over more points. and get the bonus and put in the drawer is my plan. tried and true. if i need to manufacture usage in 2027... i will cross that bridge.

but yeah, after spending all that time adding my new card to my frequent apps, i'm happy to not be using it. 

i'm going to be mad though if i go to use blacklane and forget to use the right card for it... womp, womp.

so yeah, what changes? 

back to meeting the sign up bonus as quickly as possible and putting the card back in the drawer. 

i am planning to use my new card for a travel card though. and apparently i learned if traveling out of the country, take a backup card in case once gets locked for fraud. good tip. that's just the name of the game these days. have a backup plan.

i try not to have too many contingency plans. but criminals have forced my hand. 

so once card #2 comes, i i will meet that spend with rent. 

and then get to working on the other. 

back to my boring old debit card life. 

i see you desperation....and i raise you all of my success!

 yes, so i started this youtube channel with the hopes of being monetized in 3 months...the data does not support that as a likely outcome

but my brain being what it is...is going to that desperate place... maybe this? maybe that? read up on this? read up on that?

remember when i was job hunting for 18 months or when i was trying to get a husband...the desperation, friends.

i'm not that person anymore. 

i've come way too far to slip back into that deep dark dirty hole

so what of my youtube channel?

idk..my goal is to leave it alone for the 3 months for the videos i have scheduled to publish and see what happens... 

well i know what will happen, but brain needs the data

and then leave it alone for real for all of 2026 and then 2027 if i want to upload daily reflection content...i can do that

it's okay for what i want and what is possible to be incongruous

my life is great

and i want to keep it that way!