what's making me anxious today?

 Well... you guessed it.. work!

My project lead keeps making sooooooooo many comments on my document, it's annoying. And I'm in the background thinking... aren't we pretty sure this project is going to get shelved. So, I don't know if she's just that particular of a person or what. 

But I'm absorbing some of her anxious feelings. And she keeps sending it back for more 'work' and I meet with the people and have the same result.

I think she's told my boss she 'wrote' my document...which is false. And that it needed work. Which again is her opinion. 

I think that's what makes me the most nervous... she's in the same country as my boss and she's talking to him about my work. My biggest concern is anything that will affect my salary and my financial goals. I don't want to be put on a performance improvement plan!! 

Luckily, financially I will be okay.

I was doing the mental exercise of what would happen if I won hundreds of millions in the lottery. And when talking with my friend,  I realized I still felt a little trapped in my current expense box. I'm hoping this will change when I retire, but this is something to keep an eye on. 

It's still nice knowing that largely the only thing keeping me from my Big Audacious Goal is time, not these people. So I just have to put my game face on and last as long as I can. And remind myself, my empirical goal is just to stay employed!!! Not win any prizes! 

In other news, still enjoying life. Weeee!

It's a tough dance balancing work and enjoying life... I tell ya. 

I might have a date

 So in one of my mental exercise, I worked through the reality of what early retirement would look like in terms of timing. And when I reached the end of the exercise, it felt really good!

Dare I be as bold as a Purple Life and declare it publicly??

Yes! 

I'm just feeling really good and somewhat confident. This could very well be a reality. It quickly came into focus and caused some angst but brain dumping seemed to help as I have the bones of a plan. And that always feels good. 

I already spaced out and started thinking about something else. 

So journaling isn't as beneficial to me as it once was because my thoughts don't take over. I mostly just want to act or bury my head in the sand.

But yeah. 

I'm happy about having a final end date - and this time for retirement not life itself.

So even on a day like today when I don't feel like working or when I think about next year and how that will likely be a year of tough projects, having that last date HELPS tremendously.

Onwards.

I was just in a conversation with a colleague and re-affirmed how much my strength lies in short term goals. In these situations, I'm happy to go full out or at least keep swimming. 

I don't want to think of what happens if I don't make my number, so I won't. Isn't that easy?! 

life update

 hi, friends -

it's been awhile. i've been keeping myself busy with dodging work and attending social events in my new town. yay!

i wouldn't say life is 'worth living', but i certainly don't feel the intense urge to die. double yay.

i feel stressed with work, primarily because i don't know what i'm doing.

things move so fast because i have a neighbor who likes to hang out. no complaints there, but i don't have as much solo downtime to meander in my thoughts.

i made a wall poster of all i have coming up over the next 2 years because by hook or by crook, there is a very real possibility that i'll make it to my next FI goal in 2026. 

my goal is so BIG and AUDACIOUS i'm scared of saying it outloud. not for fear of it not 'coming true.' it's not a wish after all. just the full realization of it is not something i'm prepared to wade in right now. i don't want to be angsty or disappointed if the markets take a different turn.

but for now, i'm leading with the idea of being done in march 2026. so that's only 2 years, and with my funny math, it practically feels like a year. 

in the middle of the night, i started thinking about taking a 6 month sabbatical and because i couldn't sleep, i looked up my work's unpaid absence policy. i can only take 1 month off. but with FMLA, I could take 3 months.

i started to wonder if my counselor would write me a note to certify some sort of mental health leave. 

but for some reason i was thinking i'd do it sep 2026 to mar 2027. then last night i realized i don't want to work until march 2027 if i don't have to. it seemed pretty clear at the time, that this was not something i wanted to pursue.

the thing is i wanted to celebrate my FI milestone with a trip to zanzibar but march is apparently a really miserable time to go so i fast forwarded to september...

but now i'm thinking september of 2025 would be better...it'll mark 10 years since i started working in my career. i love those kinds of milestones. so there's that.

but what of taking a career break? 

i guess that's early retirement.

i did like the idea of taking some time off as a pre-retirement check, but i love the idea of leaving work sooner even more!

so my mind is occupied with way too much future planning, and i'd like to find a balance of readiness but also enjoying the present! 

i guess for now, if i find i'm still working past march 2026 for financial reasons, then maybe pursue the 3 months FMLA

i guess there's nothing saying i couldn't do it in 2025-2026, but i'm counting on making allll the money before i reach my goal...

so maybe 1 month of unpaid leave after mar 2026 to make sure it's a good fit..or can i use negative vacation...i don't know

ok, that's all for now. 

2 money milestones!

 Yay, best day ever!

made it back from Dubai in one piece and i had a grand old time!!

fretted way too much about taxes only to realize... it's the same money situation i was in last year, which was quite tenable.

anyway, as of 8a this morning, I am 80% of the way to my next money goal! woot! it feels awesome, let me tell you!!

And I maxed out my 401k with my Mar 15 paycheck.

i often get comments from others of what's the point...well for me..it's the momentum..when you're stuck in the 'boring middle'...you need some things to spice up the journey. this is it for me! i just feel so great knowing, i've hit my savings goal for the year...well at least one of them...well this is the big one...cuz reaching 36k is kind of a baby stretch goal. so yeah, it feels good to hit my savings goal and i don't have to worry. which helps me to spend more to 'enhance my rich life.'

so yeah, i thought i'd share! 

and to top it all off.... i got approved for the chase marriott card!! so if all goes well, i'm on my way to 5 free nights!! woot...and because when i tally the full trip even with credit card fees, i'm still wayyyy under the cash price of the trip!! i can't believe this all just worked out!!

onward!

good news, good news

 My mind wants me to stressed because of current life events but the medication is actively fighting on my behalf. So many more good things happened today.

Yeah, my submission lead gave me a bit of 'we expect this from our internal staff' speech, but what do I care. I can relish in the fact that she's stressed about the submission as the lead. 

Then I thought about another project that is running that looked like it had a small fire early this a.m. But the early meeting was just to say ....no fire yet, but the silence is ominous.

Oh well. I hope I can shake this all off before my trip tomorrow. 

I don't really agree with my lead but grrr. I'm trying not to be stressed. In the end, the solution will just be a copy and paste. 

In better news...

- I got a massage... I don't really see the point. I would've been mad if I'd spent $150 of my own money on that. Luckily, it was a gift card. I think cookies make me happier. Just have to remember.

- I had a nice day yesterday.

Chase is still stressing me out but to counter that, I'm going to go ahead and book my Sydney hotel today. I'm kind of over them. I could almost taste those 5 free night certificates. But no-anxiety monster...there will be other awards.

So ends my card chasing for this year. I always seem to start the year off hot, get burned, then cool down. 

I realized I was churning so many direct deposits, I ran out of room on my payroll. Whoops! Good indicator this needs to stop.

I'm not looking forward to work drama upon my return, but at least it'll keep me busy for the rest of the project time. 

I think the team is taking this long time frame too carelessly and just having review after review. Trying not to take things personally. Glad I waited to start my document when the document before was closer to be done because they were still making changes when I started. 

But I totally lowballed my bonus so it was a nice surprise to get more than I thought! Yippee!!!

I got a 3% raise and I don't have to worry anymore about work performance. 

And technically this is anxiety lessening news - Progressive randomly left me a voicemail that we're accepting 100% responsibility for the accident. Since I was getting tired of paying my car note, I was rethinking getting a lawyer. Now that does not seem like a worthy hill to climb. If I can't even handle the run-around for a credit card bonus.

Feelings. 

But other than that it feels like a pretty good day. I'm sooo close to getting to my number I can taste it. Oh well.

I need to plan for Mt. Rushmore too. Will try not to travel hack and just use any earned bonus churning money. 

Yay, belated Bonus Day! Yay, birthday. Wow, this is my life. :)